I think ben adam lachaveiro.

You're right, but I have a problem putting HaShem out of the picture. What if I C"V die in my sleep tonight. How will I face HaShem acting as I've done for the past 6 weeks?

what if you C"V died in your sleep two months ago and you were acting out every week and tense and mad at your wife with no time for your kids?

... or you can stick to one program and take it to the last stop. Going back and forth isn't gonna do you any good.

There are several approaches to dealing with this, and the main thing isn't which one you take, but that you commit to one of them and take it to the end. You will beat this! You've just got to be consistent.

You can't say "It doesn't work for me!" till you completely follow it through!

2B

I dunno.

I created 2 polls, one above, and one here: rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1321.0

I've lost objectivity, so I'm looking for some help from you guys.

10x

k, have a good day momo.
smile, ok?
;D

i need shluff.
g'night!

Hey Momo, I'd stick with the S dude guy person. You see, once this becomes an addiction, it is no longer an "aveira" issue, it's a disease on multiple levels, physical (allergy), emotional and spiritual. And once it's a disease, you need to stick with the doctor and stop worrying about his approach vis-a-vis "aveiros"...

But hey, I have an even better idea. Why not use Reb S's approach when it comes to LIVING better (and happier and stress-free), but also try the 90 day approach as far as trying "not to fall" for as long as possible too!  That sounds like the best of both worlds. And heck, you might find that when you try NOT to fall (just a little bit), you may be forced to start LIVING. This will help you reinforce the lessons that Reb S is trying to teach you... In other words, try to rack up a strong of clean days - not by focusing on NOT acting out, but by focusing on LIVING better. When you feel like acting out, don't white-knuckle it and stress about it, instead, ask yourself if this will help you LIVE or is this escape into darkness again?

Guard, what you write sounds good, in theory. But, I mentioned to Rav S that I envy the people racking up clean days be doing the 90 day method, and he responded that he's not allowing me to do anything related to control, that I have to give up all control methods. 90 days IS a control method.

I feel out of control with my addiction, and I would use the 90 day attempt not only to stay clean, but also as a means to control myself.

Somehow, (I don't understand why), but control is "bad".

Can anyone explain why control is "bad"?

Control sounds like a very Jewish concept to me.

*A confused Momo*

Sorry to hear you're not enjoying Denmark Momo.
I agree with the enjoy life opinion and Habib and Tomim are wise beyond their years.
Learn to live, to give to your family and to make music to brighten up Hashems world.
You are worrying about Hashems reaction to your acting out.
Dont forget, He isnt thrilled with depression either.
Personally, I think picking happiness and life over depression and darkness
Will make Hashem prouder.

You're right. Don't AIM for 90 days. That is control. Instead, aim for staying clean TODAY only - and not by trying to "control" your life, but rather by just connecting to life, happiness and true freedom, as opposed to escape, darkness and "the disease".

I totally disagree with you Momo. Sorry. If youd die CHAS VESHALOM in your sleep Hashem will do nothing else but HUG you. BECAUSE YOUR TRYING AND THATS WHAT COUNTS. Nothing else. And your puting your trust in people who know better than us. Check out baahavas thread and his vort about Yaakov avinu from this weeks parsha. It brings out this point beautifully.

Momo wrote on 06 Dec 2009 11:09:

I'll PM you something....hang in there...sober or not, you seem to be making more sense than you were 6 months ago.... ;D

No PM from Dov. You must be busy. At least someone's working.  

I'm feeling blah today. Not working yet but I have to. So hard. Feel like I've no control of myself. Empty inside. Frustrated. Sad.

I'm surviving at work. Barely. I'm not living.

So frustrated that I have no self-control.

Anybody home?

Why do I even bother anymore?  

Bother acting out and escaping?

You're right! Why bother? 

------------------------------

Hey Reb Dov, please CC me on the PM if/when you get a chance to write it...

Ah, Guard, that's not what I meant.
I meant why bother trying/struggling/coming to work/living.

I hate living like this!!

you're right.
why do we even try?

i just want to stay home and watch **** all day and then fake having gone to work/school when my fam comes home.
i don't want to try and drive myself nuts over something that might never happen - living.

thing is, there's a chance. a very small chance, admittedly, but there is a chance that one day i'm going to be able to say i'm an addict who's been clean for a year... and i know how to live.


i'm doing it for that chance. for me.
and for any family i may have in the future.

what about you? who are you doing it for?