This addiction has had you in its grasp for how many years Momo??
Do you really think that 2 weeks will change everything?
There are no magic wands waving around over here.
Two steps forward, one step back.
Slowly and surely we move forward.
You do your bit, and Hashem will do His.
One things for sure in this deal; youve got yourself a trustworthy Partner
and that means half your battle is almost over!

Hashem is not in the equation so far. I never heard Rav S mention Hashem's name at all.
It's about ME living. ME having fun. ME overcoming my fears.
I'm waiting for the HaShem shoe to drop,  but it hasn't yet.
And I'm glad, because I don't want him to sound like another religious fanatic.
Maybe he'll get to it eventually....

what are you trying to do in therapy?
you're trying to find comfort in trust instead of control, and to stop escaping what your feeling, right?
so my guess is, you find something to live for, and all this gets easier for a while, it shakes you out of your routine.
but once that become routine, then you have a problem. because you still get stressed, and you still want control and comfort.

so that is where therapy comes in.
and you learn to exchange the comfort and control of acting out with trust in yourself and Hashem,
and you learn to look at yourself without feeling like you're looking at an addict.

i'm talking in circles, i know.
just that this is the point of therapy...
first you have to realize what needs to be fixed before you fix it.
and this is that stage.
a month ago, would you have been able to say
Momo wrote on 29 Nov 2009 12:31:

Thanks Habib. 

Momo wrote on 25 Nov 2009 12:03:


Momo,
come on man.
stop second-guessing urself!!!
youre doing great!
you make me smile

and ive asked rav s about hashem many times and for the first bunch of meetings he skirted the topic.
now we discuss Him a bit more.
the problem is,it's a very thin line between control and trust when it comes to G-d
proof is all the pple we see addicted to G-d.
i see this on the forum also a good bit.
Hashem as a control.
shver.
Only when u learn to trust can u start to trust Hashem.
You'll get there,don't worry...

This was my assessment of the sugya way back when....

Uri wrote on 04 Oct 2009 10:00:

Thanks Uri.

I saw Rav S. last night. I asked him how haShem fits into his therapy, and he told me to just keep doing what I'm doing. I like what you wrote, that first we have to let go of the control issue, then let G-d in. We'll see if he brings G-d into the picture later. I'm not worrying about it now.

I trust Rav S. because I feel happier since I started his approach 2 weeks ago. I have practically no more suicidal thoughts now that I've started doing fun things in my life. I shouldn't forget that, and I should see that as improvement. (It's sad that I have to write that, but I guess building a house starts with the foundations which a lot of people take for granted.)

Rav S. said I was doing OK, and instead of worrying about the clean day chart, I should chart whenever I decide to live instead of running away to my addiction. I like the idea of charting how many days I've "lived".

He also gave me some hints on how to act at work.

Uri, I am so inspired by the fact Thursday night you were tested hard and decided to live by leaving your house and go to the wedding instead of acting out. I am so proud of you! I'm a bit surprised you didn't get a celebration party here, but maybe not publicizing it too much like the second Luchos is better than stirring up the Y"H with a big party like the giving of the first luchos. Anyway, don't think just because there wasn't a big party your action didn't impact anyone - it impacted me, and it will be easier for you next time you're tested. Now you KNOW that you CAN do it!!!

Love you man,
Momo

I like what you wrote, that first we have to let go of the control issue, then let G-d in. We'll see if he brings G-d into the picture later. I'm not worrying about it now.

Uri and Momo, you are touching on an important point.

In E-mail #628 we brought the following from Reb Dov:

Someone asks on the forum:

But there will always be this part of me that doesn't want to give it up. So how do we really "Let go & Let G-d"?

Dov Responds:

Yes, it is very hard to imaging what "letting go and letting G-d" would be actually be like. After all, aren't we all ma'aminim (believers) already? Of course we are. So, the better question may be: What are we not letting go of right now, that is keeping us tied to our patterns, our sick boundaries, and our desires?

Heroin addicts know more than anyone how desperately they need to drop their old shooting gallery friends, stop frequenting the places they bought drugs, etc. We all hold onto those kinds of familiar patterns for our much needed comfort. Familiarity is comforting, for sure. But we need to find and substitute it with other, real comfort, if we are to 'make it'. That comfort is perhaps the main power of GYE and (- in my opinion - much greater power) in the 12-step fellowships. It's a new chevra. Fitting in somewhere else. (BTW, I absolutely needed the face-to-face program meetings and real-person sponsorship for that... oh, I said that already...oops! ;-)

But there is another "familiar setting" beside the external one that we see with our eyes that we need to learn to let go of - or rather - substitute for, and  for me it's the main work of the very program itself: The "familiar setting" of our inner attitudes and reactions to stuff that we feel with our hearts. That is the main work and fruit of the steps. "It's an inside job."

If we expect to get better; to behave differently - i.e. that we will not have to resort to acting out with lust when stress, pride, fear, and life hits us, but we want to remain the same people we were before... forget it.

As long as we remain the same people, we will just keep fighting ourselves. "Knowledge" we have already... we need an inner change.

So: "Letting go" - of what?
When that question is answered, the "letting G-d" flows more naturally.

Hi,

I spoke with Uri this morning. I'm having problems at work keeping focused on work and not surfing. Uri suggested that I need to find ways to make my work environment (or the work itself) fun so I won't need to escape to Internet-land. I won't go into details what I do (to keep my anonymity), but I can reveal that I'm in hi-tech.

So, besides taking coffee breaks (which I already do), any ideas out there?

Hi Momo,

When I first came to GYE a few months back, I saw that I was dealing with an internet addiction in general. I had to break away not only from the nature of my internet use, but also the amount of time I'd spend on the internet. This for me was terribly hard in the beginning. But as things started moving in the right direction, things eventually got easier. During that time I found that if I'd only be aware of how I'm using my time it would be easier for me to break away from my internet habits.

Here's what I did, and it may (or may not) be of help to you: Firstly, I downloaded a timer and set it to 15 minute intervals. Every time I'd use the internet, I'd start up the timer. Once it hit 15 minutes an alarm would sound and that would mean that it was time for me to get off the net and do something productive (in my case: eat, shower, daven, learn something, work, make a phone-call, or anything like that). In addition to this, I kept a spreadsheet open where I'd log my internet time and how I used the internet. Everything was on paper. Looking back at it at the end of the week, I'd notice that I'd be spending much less time on the internet (about a 3rd of the time) and that I'd be using it more productively. The solution for me was not to stop surfing. That would be more than I'd be able to handle. I just told myself that if I've got limited time on the internet it had better be productive. I wouldn't want to go over my alloted 15 minute time and have to pay a knas. It would be 15 minutes and a break away- which usually turned out to be much more than the time spent on the net.

I personally think that the reason we're able to spend so much time on the net, is because we zone out and lose awareness of the time. This "keeping track" should help tremendously in regard with that, and your time spent online will decrease on its own. One thing: In a work setting, I don't think a 15 minutes is a good idea. Start with a ratio of 85% work-time to 15% surfing-time (or something like that) and see how it goes. Play around with it till it works for you.

2B 

I like Tomims idea. Definitely doesnt hurt to try it.

Im not sure exactly what hi-tech means here, but if you know programming, why not takes your breaks building some new program? Perhaps you can do something for GYE, or something to track your improvement with your new instrument. As I once suggested, why not surf countries etc and destinations youd love to visit? You mentioned enjoying travelling, so why not 'travel' virtually and become an expert on specific countries and or cultures? Work for x amount of time, then 'reward' yourself with 'travel time'.

if ur already surfing look for funny pictures on google to post on the depressed thread.
1)it makes u laugh.I just surf and laugh like a maniac.this includes among other pple such as in internet cafes
2)Itll be put to good use.Makes other pple happy too

and laughter is really really healthy for us crackheads

1)   I skimmed through it.Pretty cool site with lots of ideas.

2) I saw some pictures of girls on this site so after saving them to my c drive,i immediately closed the window.
But not before copying this...

Do you work in an office? Are you contractually obliged to be at your desk from 8-4 (or similar)? If so, it’s likely that at least some of the time, you’ll be feeling bored. Some days, there just isn’t quite enough to fill the hours (or you convince yourself into believing that!).

A quick Google search for “bored at work” will give you plenty of ideas for pointless, time-wasting activities that could amuse you for all of two minutes. But why not take boredom as a signal to start on some productive, positive action?

Here are seven great things to do at work if you’re feeling bored – all of which will help you advance towards your goals.

Improve Your Skills
Whatever job you work in, it’s likely that you can brush up your skills. Many offices have textbooks and manuals relating to the job that you can read.

If you can’t directly improve your work skills, how about learning the ins-and-outs of Microsoft Word, or Powerpoint, or your email program? Having a strong grasp of the computer software you use daily can help save you a surprising time and make you more productive.

Help Someone Else
While you’re sitting twiddling your thumbs because you have nothing to do, chances are that someone else in the office is running around like a headless chicken, wondering how on earth they’re going to get everything done.

Spotted someone quietly panicking about their workload? Go over and ask if there’s anything you can help with – maybe photocopying some documents for them, organizing a mail-out, or even just running out to the store to get them a sandwich at lunch time.

Do it because you’re a nice person, not just because you’re hoping they’ll return the favor some day!

Ask Your Manager For More Work
If you regularly have too little work, or if it’s all so unchallenging that you can whiz through it on a Monday morning despite your hangover, then talk to your line manager or boss.

Try not to give the impression that you’ve been sitting around doing nothing for weeks (oddly, bosses react badly to this), but mention that you’ve found the workload a little lighter than usual. If you know about any upcoming projects that you could get involved with, try suggesting this. It could be a great chance to make progress towards the next level in your career.

Ask To Cut Your Working Hours
Depending on how much you like your job, and how much of your salary you need, another option is to ask to cut down the hours which you work.

For example, you might want to do a four-day week (and cut your pay to 80% of its current level). This could give you time to write a novel, start a new business, or simply readdress your work life balance.

If you do go down this route, ask if you can do it for a month on a trial basis. That way, if either you or your boss feels it isn’t working out, it’s easy to go back to the old arrangement.

Keep An “Odd Jobs” List
There are always little jobs that need doing which, for one reason or another, we keep putting off. These might be dull, low-priority, fiddly tasks. Sometimes, they’ll only take 15 or 20 minutes each.

Keep a running list of all these small, non-urgent tasks, and when you end up with downtime at work, challenge yourself to tick off as many as possible. It’ll keep you from getting bored, and often getting these jobs off your mind can make you feel a lot less stressed or frustrated about work.

Tidy Your Desk
One task that most of us put off is tidying our desk. When you don’t have much to do at work, take the time to clear all those stacks of paper and file them properly. Chuck away any junk that’s accumulated in your desk drawers. Replenish your stationary supplies, if necessary.

Working in a tidy environment where you can easily lay hands on everything you need will do wonders for your stress levels and state of mind. Keeping your desk clean and tidy also suggests that you’re an organized, efficient person – definitely a good message to send to your boss!

Socialize With Colleagues
A quiet day at work is a good chance to socialize with colleagues. This can help you in your career (people are more likely to support and help those who they’re friendly with and who they feel warm towards). It can also help you to enjoy your job – wouldn’t you rather work in an office where the people around you are friends, rather than strangers?

Even if you feel you have little in common with your colleagues, you might find surprising points of connection. Take the time to go for lunch with someone, or just to ask the person sitting next to you how their day’s been. Please Note: Use some tact with this one. You don't want to become the office gossip or someone that prevents others from getting their work done!