Thanks for the ideas guys (on how to do fun things). However, I see that I need to find the answer within myself.

Things for me to look forward to this week:
- See Rav S.
- Start music lessons on an instrument I always wanted to play but never did. Hurray!
- Take time off work to seriously look for a different job.
- Play with my kids.
- Spend time with my wife.
- Maybe go for another hike.

I wrote to Habib that we need to ask the following questions:
1. How do I feel right now? Why?
2. What do I really want to do today?
3. What do I really want to do this week?
4. What do I really want to do this year?
5. What do I really want do to with my life?

At this stage I know the answers to numbers 1, 2, and 3. Numbers 4 and 5 are a lot harder.
I think I have to start thinking small, and work myself up to the bigger issues. As someone wise once said, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. 

Beautiful Momo!

This pic reminds me of you: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Images/renewal.jpg

you're doing good momo, real good.
it sounds like R' S's approach is really really gonna work.... 

Beezrat HaShem, I hope so.
It's not easy considering making big changes (like career changes). It's scary, and we're so used to living in our comfort zone. But, we really didn't feel that good in our "comfort" zone, did we? Perhaps change isn't so bad after all....

This thread puts such a smile on my face nowadays!

This forum is getting dangerous.

People like me and Uri write about our experiences with our therapists. However, what we write is for us, and while you may be interested and voice your opinions, you should not personalize these ideas. Our therapist is talking to ME and URI, not to YOU!! It's like asking a halachic question to a Rav, the answer depends a lot on the person asking and the circumstances. Each person should go to his (or her) own therapist and follow his (or her) instructions.

I don't want to read "I acted out 25 times today because you wrote that Rav S said you could act out as many times as you want."

trying said it was cuz of mom, not you.
and anyone who wants to use your approach, who's really trying to get better, will mention it... plus, from now on R' guard said to link to his discussion on 90 days vs. living whenever we mention it anymore...
it's ok.
different approaches work for different people, and your approach will work for others too, others like you, and uri, and maybe me.

:-[ :-[

mom! i'm not blaming! trying's sick, i woulda told her the same!

habib613 wrote on 23 Nov 2009 16:47:


Where's this new thread (90 days vs. living)? I can't find it. Can someone please add the link to it?
Thanks.

By the way, I wasn't trying to put the blame on anybody, I was only trying to absolve myself of all blame.

rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=567.1320

So sorry everyone... :-[ :-[
I'm not blaming anybody. Pls .....


_{(besides mom. I told her she'd have to  take the blame... :D)}

To be honest, I have a hard problem digesting when Rav S says I can act out as much as I want. Who is he to be matir an issur?

I agree that "living" probably won't stop the lusting if we don't guard our eyes as well. We need to do both. But, I think Rav S means that if focusing on not acting out is stressing us so much, and that stress makes us want to act out, and makes us live miserably, it's better in the long run to have the feeling that we can act out when we want to (but it's not condoned). If we focus on the positive aspects of our lives (living), the desire to lust falls away.

But, for people who can handle the 90 days of not acting out at all, and this will remove the lusting, I don't see a heter for that person to act out.

For a while I thought Habib was like Uri and me, that she'd have too much of a hard time with the 90 days and needed the stronger prescription of letting it go. However, I see how well she's doing (with Rage's help), and I've changed my mind. I think for her working the 90 days of not acting out with a combination of doing fun things for herself is right for her.

Go RABIB!!

-----------------------------
Disclaimer: I'm not a professional, and I don't really know anybody here, so my thoughts are only thoughts and are not psak, and should not be interpreted as psak. Your actions should not be based on anything I write. For professional advice, please see a professional. Thank you.

that was a really clear post.
thank you.
it clarified a lot of fuzzy issues.

i love your disclaimer, reminds me of rage way back when.

habib613 wrote on 24 Nov 2009 07:16:

I'm glad. 

habib613 wrote on 24 Nov 2009 07:16:

He was my inspiration when I wrote it.