Rage ATM wrote on 16 Nov 2009 20:36:

focus on that, momo. Rage is totally right. even just knowing you're addicted make u saner than millions of other addicts.

Uri wrote on 16 Nov 2009 20:42:

still? i thought u weren't depressed anymore?
and i dunno.
when i don't wanna be alive it's hard to wanna live life.
but we do have to see the bigger picture. "something bigger than us"

still? i thought u weren't depressed anymore?
and i dunno.
when i don't wanna be alive it's hard to wanna live life.
but we do have to see the bigger picture. "something bigger than us"

Definetly not like before.
Mom can testify to that.
Or you can yourself if you read my thread.
Baruch Hashem,my depression is way way down.
You don't want the life that you've had until now.
I don't blame you.
But real life is not like that.
It's much more geshmack and fulfilling.

Habib and Uri, thank you very much for writing such nice posts yesterday.

Special thanks to Rage for writing a post that I didn't find offensive. 

I still feel badly about myself. I wish I could medicate myself away. I'm not interested in fighting this anymore.

Habib, I relate a lot more to how you feel than Uri. We speak the same language.

Uri, you sound flaky. You know we're friends, but I don't understand what you are saying. You've left my planet and gone to a different one. I'm happy for you b/c it's a better planet, but we speak different languages now.

rage can be sane sometimes too.
and uri's great, when we're up.

it's really not good to look down on yourself, and u know that.
can you ever remember a time that you were proud of yourself?
like when you helped a friend who was in a difficult situation?
or like the day your first child was born?

it is possible to be happy again.
but it's WORK, hard work. uri can attest to that, i'm sure.
can you call R' shlachter, tell him what happened, how hopeless you feel?
and (don't yell at me) did you think about medicine?
like the kind that will make your brain just release more serotonin, so that you can start building yourself up?
you need some groundwork to work on, and if you feel lower than dirt, it's hard to build on that.

momo, you can do this!
i'm crying for you, because you don't see that you can.
what's the point of living if you want to die?
no point
but there's a point to life, right?
have you ever read "began haemunah"?
theres a reason for EVERYTHING.
hatzlocho, momo.
have a good day, k?

Momo wrote on 16 Nov 2009 19:52:


Personally, I think that someone who is sailing along is less a hero than one climbing and falling and climbing again.
Hero status in Hashems book is "7 yipol tzaddik v'kum".
Why couldnt it just say "7 yipol v'kum"?
Because Hashem knows better than anyone just how hard it is too keep getting up and moving after constant falls.
So in a rare example of explanation and encouragement,  He uses the word "tazaddik".
"Yes my beloved son, I know there is nothing harder than what you consider constant failure.
And because I understand that - really - Im telling you that I am not seeing faliure from my vantage point of heaven and eternity,
I see "tzaddik".
Let that help you keep moving forward, keep falling if necessary, because you are a beloved tzadik in My eyes.
For eternity"

OK, this is my 500th post.
I won't know for sure until I hit "Post", but I think this officially makes me a "Hero Member".
Maybe I'm a hero to some of you guys, but I'm not my own hero.
You guys are my heroes.
I dedicate this post to all of you.

And I get to be first to say MAZAL TOV to someone who really is a hero in my eyes.

Really.


Please read my previous post Momo.
And internalize it.
Because its emet

Momo wrote on 17 Nov 2009 06:19:

Momo,
I sound flaky because I am flaky.
The way I was living till now just didn't cut it.
I had to choose a flakier derech.
A more emotionally accepting and free derech.
There's no wayyou're gonna be able to do this without changing the way you live.
It's just not gonna happen.
You're not gonna find some secret way to stop masturbating and surfing porn.

I love you man.

Sincerely,
Uri Flakestein

Rage ATM wrote on 17 Nov 2009 16:44:


Rage is on to you Momo
In a good way.

momo, just wondering how you're doing, and if you saw R' shlachter yet.

also, i think u should try boruch's group. crazy hours for you, but it's really very very different than DC's.
it's just more direct and to the point.
i think it would work better for you.

have a good day.

Chevre (7Up, Rage, Habib and Uri), thank you for your kind posts.

I saw Rav Shlachter last night. We're trying a new approach. Now, he told me to forget about surfing or not surfing. No limits for me.

I think he said this because I told him I was tired of living my life struggling with surfing or not. What time I am allowed to surf p**n, and how many times I act out has become the focus of my life, and that's not much of a life! I walked in to his office feeling so depressed, so hopeless. 

So, instead, he told me that from now, I must make a decision to live life. I told him I have no idea what that means. How does someone live life? He responded that I need to think about what makes me happy.

That's a great question. What makes Momo happy?

He gave me some ideas: Take some time to look for another job, plan a vacation with my wife, go for walks, listen to music, volunteer. As Uri wrote, I have to live my life differently. I've always been the goody-goody, doing what everyone else wants. I guess it's time for me to do what I want.

I left his office feeling as if a weight was lifted off my heart. It feels exhilarating, and scary at the same time. My world just got a whole lot larger. So many possibilities now.

I have to start listening to my heart, and ask myself how I feel so that I can start doing things that make me feel good.

I'm trying it, slowly, and we'll see what happens. I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on this.

7Up wrote on 01 Jul 2009 08:13:



Of course Im all for this idea!

Didnt you tell us you were considering a trip with just your wife? Start planning!
Help Efshar organize a GYE meet-up for when he comes in January..
Join a gym...
Pizza with Uri...

Skies the limit Momo!

Im excited with you. Today is day one in LIFE! :D

I guess I should have listened to my "Mom" on July 1st. 
But then, I didn't know how to do it. Now, hopefully I'll get weekly instructions and help from a "professional".

Im so excited!

Cant wait for updates!

yay!
u just made me really happy.
and you sound just like uri now