So last night I met with Rav Shlachter. He thought my insights I had (and posted) yesterday were on the mark, but he doesn't go into the past. That's history!
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
What's done is done. But, what's important is how I feel NOW as a result of my history, and what I can do NOW to rectify it.
If I understood him, I feel insecure and unloved due to a number of events that happened in my childhood. I felt, and currently still feel powerless and helpless. So, I look for control in my life. To feel in control I either get angry, or surf and act out. The problem is since I'm addicted to the internet, when I surf/act out I feel a loss of control afterward. That makes me angry and feel powerless and helpless. Round and round the mulberry bush we go!
The key for me is to feel loved and secure. I must do that by stop being such a loner, by deepening my relationship with my wife, by hanging out with people and making friends outside of work (I have none besides my wife!). Hopefully, once I feel loved and secure, my need to surf will drop, and I'll like my life and myself.
He explained that I'm living most of my life in my virtual reality (I control which relationships I have with which women when I want, I have no real relationships outside of my family, I always dream of escaping with other women or escaping to my death...). Also, I'm living my "non-virtual real life" as a bedieved life, in survival mode. I have to switch that around, I've got it backward.
Also, since I wasn't able to do last weeks assignment and not surf for one week straight, he told me to work on not surfing until lunch and seeing how that works.
This is personal advice for me. Each person is different. But, I hope you all find this interesting, and maybe there's someone out there who feels like me and can be helped with this advice.
In future sessions we'll work on how I can stop living a virtual life as a loner and start really living, with real relationships, and start enjoying life! Beezrat HaShem!
PS. I'm wondering if this at all fits in with the 12 steps or if this approach comes before I should work the steps. The steps are about surrendering to HaShem and building a relationship with him by crushing our egos. Rav Shlachters approach for me seems to be for me to do work on building relationships, and what is fun and feels good for me in real life (not Internet based) so that I can start enjoying life and myself. He doesn't focus on religion and G-d at all, which I like since it simplifies things for me. Dov, any ideas?