Im glad. iyH he will be the shaliach necessary to help you pull through. (And R' Yaakov, Uri, Guard etc etc!)

::dancing around my computer screen::

Great news, Momo. Now you're talking.
Actually, now you're doing, not just talking  :D

Looking forward to a new thread on the forum called "Momo's summaries from the addiction therapist". I'm sure we will all learn a lot from it!

May Hashem be with you and guide you!

How about this one, Momo. It works nicely for me:
You have no business looking at women on the web (#3). It's not enough, but it sure is nice to hear my friend John A's voice saying that to me in a calm, loving way and admitting that I have no business intentionally looking at other men's wives, or at images of any women at all. Not bad, not about the aveira. I just have no business doing that, cuz I'm sick.

Hatzlocha with whatever you do, chaver.

Hey Momo.
Hope that things are going well for you.
Shkoyach on calling Rav Shlachter.

Kol Tuv!

Hi everyone!

I haven't posted for a couple of days. The past couple of days have been bad for me. I've fallen a couple of times, surfed a lot, and had many thoughts of suicide.

But, yesterday I went to see Rav Shlachter for the first time. I think we connected, and I liked what I heard from him. I left him with a feeling of hope. I haven't felt that in a while. I was actually somewhat happy this morning.

Sorry Guard, but I don't think I'll be posting a transcript of our sessions, but I am scheduled to see him again next week. I can let you know in general how I think it's going. Also, maybe when I get more into the therapy I'll post the general theme that we're working on.

I wrote the following to one of our holy brothers (if you're reading this, you know who you are) in a PM, and I think it's worth writing on the forum:

I also feel disappointed that other people seem to join this site, and run with 90 days, while I've struggled and really tried since Feb 09.
I think the answer is that for some, this site is enough. For others, like us, we need more help. We need to find out the root of why we go to the internet, and replace our need with something more positive.
I think there's a solution for everyone, but we have to find it, and it's different for each of us. Ask yourself: Are you seeing the right therapist? Are you really working the 12 steps?

Sorry to hear I was right in worrying about you, but glad you seem happier today.

May Rav Shlachter be the right shaliach, and keep ti up with your PMer!

Momo, when I read your post, my heart swelled with nachas and pride as if my own son just took his first steps!! From the PM you sent, I can see you are already getting wiser by the day!  :D

In the zechus of your determination, may Hashem truly be with you and guide you!

Three questions about Rav Schlachter, somebody answer please;

1. Is he a professional? certified or a self made therapist (not that that's a bad thing, I just want to know).
2. How much does he charge? how long is the general (estimated) process (6 months, 3 years?)
3. Does he do phone sessions to the US?

1. Yes. Self-made. "Takes one to know one"   The best type.

2. Relatively low rates for Israel, and for sure for U.S standards. Call him to find out.

3. Don't see why not. With today's advanced super-duper "telephonic" communication technology, even if you're across the sea you may as well be in the same room!

I don't know what happened to me.

Rav Shlachter (my new therapist) last week told me that after hearing how I describe my life, he isn't surprised that I go to p**n as an escape. He not only understands it, he told me to thank HaShem for it, because if I didn't have that means of escape/enjoyment I'll go crazy! He told me to embrace it, not think of it as being dirty. I should think how viewing p**n makes me feel and what hole it fills. Then, we'll look for an alternative.

Well, maybe this isn't what he meant, but his words gave me a subconscious heter to surf. I surfed ALL DAY Thursday at work, and this morning too. I acted out twice on Thursday and once today already. What's going on? I've completely lost control!!!

Has anyone else acted out a lot more after starting therapy? Is this normal, or does this mean he's not the right therapist for me?

in my humble opinion, and from my experience, i think it's pretty normal,
as you wrote, you discussed with him a lot of difficult things in your life,
i've found that bringing those things to the surface
and staring them in the eye for the first time
can be very difficult and initially it pulls me down,
and then from there, i work on getting back up,
i was down there anyway, i just didn't realize it before,
or at least, i didnt consciously admit it...
does that make sense to you momo?

First, I didn't expect a rabbi to tell me that I should thank HaShem for p**n and not think of it as being dirty.

Second, I expected to get better or stay where I was holding, not get worse.

Maybe I misunderstood him, but that's what I got from the meeting.

if i remember correctly,
that is similar to what uri's first meeting was like.
of what i understood,
rav shlachter is trying to say that p**n
helped you survive other things
and there is what to be modeh for that.
we all have different escape mechanisms,
some are better than others and some are good at certain times and ages
and detrimental at other points or in adulthood

your expectation of getting better...
well, i am not so patient myself and i totally hear that,
but ive learned after being to a couple of psychologists
and from trying to work on myself in general,
one meeting is def not gonna cut it for me,
im not getting better bc of a one hour conversation

The flame shoots up, right before it dies down.

Sturggle is very wise... What he writes is true. Reb Shraga spent the first session helping you understand WHY you use the porn, and that you're not BAD, you are just using it to fill a HOLE.

See this cute clip.

With the way your life is structured, if you wouldn't have had the porn you would have gone nuts.

HOWEVER, this is all without therapy. Now that you are starting therapy, you will be able to find what exactly you are trying to fill, and how you can find other things to fill it... And at that point, the need will fade and you'll be able to really start to heal.

Even the Steipler talks about these nisyonos in Kraina de'igrisa, and he tells people not to think they will be able to change completely right away, but it will take time...

But hey, don't take this as a heter to act out... Let me give you a parable. Imagine a guy has some disease (which he doesn't know what it is) and finds it a bit hard to breathe. The only way he can breathe easy is by drinking alcohol... (Somehow, the alcohol thins his blood and makes it easier for him to breathe). And he's been doing this for years, but he's become a drunkard who can't function in normal life. Finally he comes to a doctor and the doctor says, "hey, I know why you are having trouble breathing. You have a small hole in your lungs that we can fix with some minor surgery... Come back next week and we'll begin preparations". So the guy goes home and says to himself, "wow, since I know what's wrong with me now, I may as well drink myself into a stupor".