guardureyes wrote on 23 Sep 2009 19:48:


These are actually my favorites.

Guard, you better come back and not be afraid to post on my thread, otherwise I'll call 7Up on you!

Hey, Im the one who kicked him off! :-[

7Up wrote on 24 Sep 2009 12:06:


I guess to do a tikun you'd better invite him back. 

The reason I keep stealing people's threads is because I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

guardureyes wrote on 24 Sep 2009 13:48:

im on the floor man!
where are you getting these lines?
you make my day,rebbe
kutgw

guardureyes wrote on 24 Sep 2009 13:48:


Hey, you asked for him back Momo! No sympathy for you (although perhaps we aught to start davening for Guard....)

I forgive  . Better to have silly Guard than no Guard at all.

I'll probably be offline until after Y"K, so I wish everyone here, and your families, a gmar vechasima tova, and a wonderful year. 

If I've hurt anyone, I hope you can forgive me. And I forgive anyone who hurt me (although it was very rare and I recovered the next day.)

Momo, please print out Dov's latest post to you and keep it in your Machzer. Read it a few times over yom-kippur, especially before Ne'ilah. I am serious.

momo, how was your yom kippur. i was thinking of you and i hope you did good, bro...please fill us in...

ratm

guardureyes wrote on 24 Sep 2009 14:47:


I printed it out and read it erev Yom Kippur. I thought about what Dov wrote during my Shmonei Esreh on Y"K.

Rage AT Machine wrote on 29 Sep 2009 01:51:


How was my Y"K? I don't know. Does anybody know what happens in shamayim? We are told that are sins are forgiven, so we believe that.

Rage, nice to hear you thought of me.

I wanted to mention that I dovened for everyone on the GYE forum, that we should all have a year of emotional peace and not instability, that we should all feel close to HaShem and stay clean.

momo, I had you in mind by ne'ilah!

I feel down. So last year's sins maybe forgiven. So I haven't acted out yet. What is that worth if I don't feel connected to HaShem? I wish I was, but I don't.

Add to that the fact that it's hard to get back to the grind, back to work with the same challenges as before Y"K (be careful not to do this, not to do that...).

Add to that the fact I'm so far behind in work, I feel very overwhelmed.

As I told Yaakov last week, if I had a pill in my hand that I could take to end it all, I would take it. I would take it right now. But I don't.

Momo, this post by Uri might really help!!
(But I also strongly suggest evaluation by a psychiatrist for anti-depression meds. Millions of people around the world take these type of meds, they have little side effects and can seriously help someone with chronic depression. Please!)

I've been pretty depressed lately.
Why?
Cause I suffer from chronic depression.
Meaning: I go through periods of intense depression without a noticeable cause.These periods can come and go out of nowhere.

When I am up,I am happy.
I am living.
I am creative.
I am a masmid.
I am enjoyable to be around.
I am proactive.

And then,out of nowhere,it all dissappears...
I am lost.
I am empty.
I am fragile.
I am dead.

I freak out.
I am ashamed.
I am naked.

And I fight it.
I fight it with all i have.
But it almost always overcomes me.
And I run.
I dive for cover under my shell.
And wait till the storm passes.
I dont pick up phone calls.
I am miserable.
But at least I am safe.
I need love so much at that moment.
But I am scared to open up to it.
Because then I will be out in the open.
What if im rejected?
That would finish me.

Porn is safe.

That's the way I lived my life for so long.

But things are a bit different now.
Here there is unconditional love.
Here there is trust.
Even when Im down,when Im naked and empty,people still love me.
But it's taking me a while to get used to this idea.
Of people wanting to hear from me even when I feel I have nothing to offer.
It gives me strength.
So when I feel down and I run away from everyone,naturally i want to run from the forum too.
But that would be so stupid because this is my one place of trust.
This and Hashem.

I always run from Him too.
But I must get it into my head:
I don't have to run from Him.
He knows I suffer from depression.
And He loves me all the more for it.
He wants me as I am.
He knows that i wont be davening 3 tefillos when im really down.
He knows I wont be learning 3 sedarim when im really down.
He doesnt need those things.
He doesnt want those things.
He wants me.
As I am.
With anything I have to offer.

Depression is a blindfold.
A depressed person doesnt see good in the world.
He has to trust his instinct(and his memory) that it's there.
He must be patient and wait for it to be removed.
When his eyes are covered,He must trust the One leading him.
That's how trust is learnt.
(MOM)

When klal yisrael was taken out of mitzrayim,many outright miracles were performed.
G-d was clearly there beside them.
Then suddenly,they were in the desert,and He "dissapeared".
It seemed that He had "abandoned" them.
But that's where the test was,as we all know.
He was testing theyre trust.
(guard)

We must trust that the same Hashem who hugs us so often,
the same Hashem who led us here,
the same Hashem who brought us to this world,
the same Hashem who took us out of Egypt,
the same Hashem who gives us life each and every second,
the same Hashem who gave us GYE,

He is here.
And He will always be here.
And He has always been here.
And He will not leave.
No matter what.
And He is guiding us.
And He does not abandon us in the dark.
We just must call out to Him.
And we must have trust in Him.

And He will guide us.