momo? a special request from the kallah? dont go? please? :'(

Chevra,

I'd like to share with you a remarkable insight that I heard from Momo.

What's the most important Yom Kippur Tefillah?


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The Maariv that we Daven on Motzei Yom Kippur!

Momo will probably deny that it's an original vort, and perhaps it's not.  But it's Gaonus, nonetheless!

Now, Momo, I'll try to return the favor.  The Ribbono Shel Olam is not all that interested in what level we're on.  He's interested in what direction we're going.  Take a few steps towards moving in the other direction, and you'll have no trouble facing the Ribbono Shel Olam on Yom Kippur.

OK, one more post. I hope you don't regret asking for this.

First, I don't recall saying I'll give up trying, even though it might have been implied. I still intend on trying, I'm just very tired (getting up 4:30 to 5:00 am for slichot probably has something to do with that), and disappointed with myself that this year hasn't started out very different from last year. But, I won't give myself up completely to the Y"H, and I understand that acting out 3 times a week is worse than acting out once every 3 weeks (or once a week, whatever it will be).

I need to spend less time (or no time) on the forum for a while. It's consuming too much of my time.

Rage, sorry to break this to you, but you've already turned into a flake. It's too late for you. I can still relate to you some of the time, when you're serious.

One of the things that's turned me off from this forum is in the following paragraph. I'm sorry to write this mussar, but I feel I have to. I apologize in advance if I hurt anyone with these words; please forgive me.

This forum used to be a place for us to kvetch, get, and give chizuk. A place where addicts can understand each other. It turned into a social network of people telling jokes, including hijacking serious threads. Guys, aren't we supposed to be stopping chatting with virtual girls? How is this different than what we've done in the past (for those of us whose chatted with girls online)? Is the only difference that we don't send photos of each other back and forth? Do you feel that you're building virtual relationships with the girls? I am weaker than you guys, and I make a point of not chatting with any girls here except for 7Up who's old enough to be my aunt. I don't think a married guy in this 30s with kids should be chatting and joking with a single 20 year old girl. I've made my own fences to prevent myself from doing this, but seeing the guys socializing with the girls disturbs me, and it's getting worse, not better. For the single guys here, this might be OK.

Maybe this is my Y"H talking; I don't know. I was never social, so maybe I just don't fit in with all of the joking around and chatting and partying. Maybe it's good for you guys to joke around and be social in a non-flirting session. Maybe it's just me.

The other think is the hours I've spent reading everyone's posts instead of working. Sure, you can say that it's better to surf here than p**n, and you'd be right, but shouldn't I work on working instead? Am I less of of a ganav spending half my day surfing a "frum" site?

I'm tired and confused and need a break. Anyone who wants to write me (PMs get to my email) can, and I'll try to answer. Also, those of you with my phone number may call me, and if I'm not busy working, I'll answer.

Thanks, and sorry again for the rant. I hope I didn't hurt anyone. If the current format is good for everyone (and it seems to be), I'll just leave the room. But, the environment here has changed over the past couple of months.

--Momo

i'm sorry momo! if you want and if it works for you we can really enforce the mechitzas strictly. i don't want you to stop getting chizuk because of us! really! Really! REALLY!
i'm so sorry.

Stop making me post!!!!! 

If this format works for everyone but me, this goes by the majority.

I need a break anyway and to get back to work (my point #2). I've been ignoring the chit-chat until now, and I can probably do it again if I really wanted to.

Anyway, what good are my posts if I can't do what I say? I'm sure my depressing posts don't inspire anyone.

Stop worrying about me and enjoy your engagement!

I think we should respect Momo's decision.
He is a grown man and has the right and ability to think these things out for himself.
Not being on the forum for a while doesn't mean he is forgetting about us and that he'll never be back.

Momo,

I very much hear what you're saying.
In terms of chizuk, you know how to get here.
It might be the Y"H talking, but that's for you to figure out.
We love you and respect you.

kol tuv!

P.S. this is not a goodbye from me, you might be hearing from me shortly...

Momo wrote on 23 Sep 2009 05:10:


I ditto. This is part of the reason I don't post much anymore. The forum has lost all its focus.

In addition, let me add that someone sent me parts of a blog where GYE was mentioned and commented on. The things people say about us are absolutely shocking - things I will not repeat (because they are bound to hurt everyone here)! When we post recklessly we only validate their claims. We must put all the nonsense aside and remember what we are here for.

Till now I had considered sending private messages to individual members to remind them of their responsibility (yes, I can imagine that many people get turned away). But now that Momo posted, I join in with him.

2B

k, feeling really feverish, but i had to reply.
k, this is weird to admit, but before GUE, i really objectified guys. GUE made me realize that a- i'm not alone b-men are thinking creatures.
which helped me, a lot.

but when i joined GUE i thought i was the only girl in the world that had this problem. so i pretended to be a bachur. and i never said anything explicit (or at least i tried very very hard not to)
and then there was a women's section, and the issue of mechitzas came up. and i really wrestled with the idea of posting on many of the men's threads. and i still try not to post where i'm not needed or invited.
and i can't tell you the countless posts i never posted because they were too explicit, or too joking, or just not neccesary.
but i really think that the joking is ok to a certain extent. it has made me feel more comfortable on the forum. when i just joined GUE, the atmosphere was so serious- and everything was just so much more intense. now it's more relaxed, but i feel more achhdus with everyone. i don't want ot let them down.
and lastly- this whole family thing strengthens me a lot. when i say my tehillim of the day and i list everyone on the forum who has impacted me, it's like a constant reminder of what i should/ shouldn't be doing (and your name is on my list)

i'm really sorry if i triggered you or anyone in any way. really really, from the depths of my heart sorry. and maybe there should be clearer guidlines as to what is acceptable and what isn't.
but this GUE as it is now is mamesh the only thing keeping me going. i don't know what i would do without at least some input from the other side of the mechitza. if it were just me, letakain, trying ,and mom emailing/calling, i don't think that would be enough for me.

thank you for bringing this up momo. it is definantly important. but i think there's another side too.

Habib, also feverish, I feel I need to reply.

I don't think Momo had a problem with your posts being triggering. As mentioned once before, unless a person is triggered by tuna bagles, sushi, woodford, brownies, etc., there really is nothing triggering about the posts he is referring to. What he did mention is that the forum has gotten sidetracked. It's supposed to be a place for addicts helping each-other with their issues. He took issue to the fact that many important threads are literally trampled, almost as if it's unacceptable talk about addiction here. While an upbeat spirit and humor is appreciated (and it definitely made a good impression on me too), there is a time and place for everything. For the most part, this forum is dedicated to serious discussion.

2B

2B understands me well.

Let me make something clear: I was NEVER triggered by anyone here. But, this forum turned, at least for me, into a social network instead of a place to work out my issues.

While I agree it might have been too serious at first and a little simcha is a good thing, I think it's gotton too far.

But Habib, I would never want for YOU to leave. This is my issue, so I'm taking responsibility for myself and taking a break. I never said I'd never come back or not even follow what's happening once in a while (sort of "pulling a 7Up". I just can't be online 24 hours a day.

As I wrote, majority rules (or Guard rules???).

but sometimes it's easier to laugh with other addicts than to have serious discussions.
and laughing helps too. tremendously.
i can't be serious all the time. and having GUE as downtime and not just intense-teshuva-time makes all the withdrawal symptoms easier.
and the fact that i can't wait to see what happened on the forum today, the fact that i keep checking back to see who posted makes it easier for me not to visit other more questionable sites
Momo wrote on 23 Sep 2009 05:55:

good
Momo wrote on 23 Sep 2009 05:55:
can't you use your thread for your issues and still enjoy the humor on others' threads?
Momo wrote on 23 Sep 2009 05:55:

sometimes, yes. i agree. but i'm much more willing to overlook that
Momo wrote on 23 Sep 2009 05:55:

but if none of the girls were here would you still be leaving?
because that would make me feel really guilty and responsible.
but i do respect your decision. you know better what's best for you.

As long as you're not posting momo...
I jst wanted to say that there doesn't seem to be one right or wrong way. Different people have different needs.There are a lot of serious threads as well as lighter ones. Everyone is entitled to read/post whichever ones help them. There is enough of both. Even the lighter ones, are usually about chizuk. This is very different than 'chatting with 20 yr old girls' and you know it too. (Especially if you chatted, and know the contents of those chats. Theyre not jst different, with pictures. C'mon) Personally, if the forum would only be intense and serious, I wouldn't pull through. I love the serious discussions when I'm sane, but when I 'm falling I need an outlet/ a warm, safe,enjoyable place to turn to. Again, I dont think it must be either/or. Everyone can post and read whatever they are interested in. Sorry if I ever offended you.

Girls, with all do respect, Momo has all the right to be upset. Not only is he a senior here on the forum, but he's extremely committed to defeating his addiction, working the 12-Steps, and has even brought it to us. It's upsetting to me that a member like him feels he isn't gaining what he can be. True that the forum should have an area where those who wish to can be "light". But that area is not in every thread. To put it bluntly: You're not here to make friends. You're here to give and get support to other people like you.

If you want to support us, cut the jokes and give support.

2B

i also feel bad that he feels like he's not getting what he needs.
and i think he has a right to be upset.
but i can't say that i agree with everything he said
that's all

for me, a lot of the jokes are support

tomim,
i totally hear what youre saying. and i get where you and momo are coming from.
about the friends thing, though, maybe thats helpful to some of us, or even all of us.
to be making friends. that goes back to the whole trust thing.
feeling unloved, unlovable, unworthy of friendship...
friendship is about love and trust and maybe that is what some people here are looking for.
i also agree that were here to give and get support, but that isnt supposed to be a cold and disconnected matter.
some of my 2 cents...