WHEW!

You had me worried Momo!
Needless to say, I prefer the mood of the second, but feel the pain of the first. Both are just as real, arent they?

bs"d

i agree with 7up

Yes dear Momo, we need to die to live. Not by slashing our wrists though, that would be more like "dying to die", but as the White-Book of SA says: "We must die to ourselves before we can begin to live". Even goyim recognized this.

And as Dov was saying, "starting to live differently".

Somehow, it seems that when things just can't get any worse and we think we're gonna die, new life sprouts forth. As the Pasuk says - "Zos Hatorah, Adam ki Yamus Ba'Ohel - This is the Torah, a man who dies in the tent".

See this cute clip.

I blew it.
After 3 weeks, I fell.
Goodbye teshuva.
Goodbye Y"K.

(Guard, I told you not to throw any parties for me until I actually do it!)

Goodbye yom kippur
goodbye year 5770
goodbye life
im leaving
im going to mexico
swine flu?
fine im going to the bahamas?
what happened?
i fell.
no.first time in 3 weeks?
what i should be proud?!
what?
youre crazy!
wheres the nearest train to the bahamas?
the jerusalem municipality is working on it?!
k ill wait.
meanwhile let me call uri...

I can just picture the maccabim now.....

After 3 weeks full of intense battling and one victory after another,they suffer a small defeat...
Judah:Allright guys lets pack up.Apparently we dont have what it takes.
Guys:K.Start walking.We'll catch up,don't worry

Momo wrote on 22 Sep 2009 14:33:


Goodbye teshuva, goodbyw YK? Why? where are they going to?

You fell after 3 whopping weeks! Thats 3 weeks without falling Momo!
Why cant all those clean seconds be neatly piled in a basket (it'll have to be a large one!) and handed up as your karbon on YH?
Concentrate on the clean and not the fall. Otherwise the yh will get to party. ch'v.

NOw go write a really angry poem to the yh for being such a mean fighter.

America after September 11th

President:O man!Now it's all to waste.
Goodbye Revolution.
Goodbye World War 1
Goodbye World War 2.
It's all lost....

Israel after Lebanon

PM:K guys we lost.It's all down the drain.All the fighting terrorists.All the lives saved.All to waste.We might as well have just let the suicide bombers in this whole time.Tell the General to pull the troops.We're moving back to Poland

Momo fell

Life stop for a second, let Momo get off.

I don't know if you've been looking around lately, but this is GYE, which is a website for people suffering from p**n & m***ing addictions.

And you fell.

And we are supposed to be impressed.

No, shocked.

No, disgusted.

What is your problem?

Pick yourself up and start again!

Hello Momo

Hello teshuva

Hello Yom Kippur

HELLO HASHEM!

It's me Momo - I'm back

And I'm not going away!

I thought this time would be different.
I was wrong.
I haven't changed.
I'm the same lust addict I have been for 20 years.
Every year I say on Y"K that I'll change this year, and I never do.

Don't say that I shouldn't expect to change a 20 year habit in a day. I've been on the forum for 7 months trying. I've been participating in DC's calls.

I've been fooling myself that I can do it.
I don't know how to say NO to the Y"H.
I may win a battle here and there, but in the end, he always wins the war.
At least for me.
You guys ARE doing it.
I'm caught between life and the Y"H.

Me3 wrote on 22 Sep 2009 15:46:


I'm tired of falling off this wagon.
If I can't stay clean for 10 days between R"H and Y"K, what's the use?
These are the 10 most important days of the year!
What will I tell HaShem when I face Him on Y"K?

You know your right just give up.

There was that better?

I can see the Y"H rubbing his hands with anticipation, licking his lips, salivating. Main course Momo on the way.

First of all you have it backwards. You are winning the war (BTW war isn't over so he can't have won) he won a battle here and there.

How many times do we have to tell you, a fall is nothing. Depression after the fall - big problem. 

If you pull out Rabeinu Yonah's Yesod HaTshuva (printed in Artscroll Rosh Hashana machzor) he says this straight out. 

Good thing to read aftera fall BTW

Cut out this moping or I'll tell mom and besides how can you be sad we made a shidduch, lchaim in 3 hours.

Snap out of it!

You'll tell Him the truth.
Im trying Hashem. If anyone knows just how hard I'm trying, it's YOU Hashem
It took 20 years to get in, maybe 20 to get out.
But GET OUT YOU WILL if you dont quit.

Momo, I was addicted about 35 years! I know the the feeling of abhorance forcing myself to stare into the mirror as a punishment and repeating over and over "You are disgusting and no better than a pig." I know the death wish, I know the gehenim of being "2 people", a hypocrite and a liar. WE ALL KNOW IT.

Sigh; a deep sigh straight from the neshama,
cry; a deep cry from the neshama
and curl up in a fetal ball
and call out to Hashem
"I cant any more.
It's up to You Hashem.
Pick me up, hold me
and make this nightmare go away."

PLEASE TATTE!

momo,

the more i try to figure you out, the less progress i make...i dont know what to tell you to help you stand up...youre down and this addiction is takin advantage, kicking you while youre down...youre taking blows to the head, blows to your ribs..its an old fashioned beatdown...maybe you dont have the strength right now to fight back...i understand that...but you can at least get up...stand up...dont just lie there...get on your feet and look your addiction in the eye, at least make your addiction fight like a man....

i dont pretend to have any answers....im not even a month in and i consider myself a full blown addict...i can tell you that i know how you suffer...trust when i say, i used to have it so much rougher...it hurts...but there is a solution here...i know youve studied the 12 steps and even tried working them...perhaps its time to go to a meeting? dont try to build 90 days, 30 days or 7 days...just work on today...

dont test yourself...yes, you can break your filter...yes, there is plenty of smut available out there...all the sites are still there...no, you cant give it a peek and stop...no it wont make you feel any better...dont try answering those questions anymore i just gave you the answers...just live this minute, this moment...

its time to cut the puppet strings...time to walk out of the porto potty youve been living in...time to tell the machine "i wont do what you tell me..."

keep fighting
ratm