Momo wrote on 10 Sep 2009 06:22:

Dear Momo -
I felt nothing either.
If you notice, the text of the 4th and 5th steps say nothing at all about working on our problems or overcoming anything. They are strictly about acceptance, it seems to me. And that is actually a rather tall order, you may find. Perhaps it's everything. The 6th and 7th are about doing something about my character defects once I've accepted that I really have them and that they are the real reason I'm upset whenever I'm upset. So try the 6th and 7th and then we'll talk. I like using AA for this and keeping it childishly simple and childishly honest.
From one childish to another,
Dov
PS. If you find you are getting no traction in your 6th and 7th, then I'd suggest that your problem is not in 6&7 at all, but in your 4th. (my sponsor goes this way for all the steps. "Look back at the one before it if it isn't working.") So, it may then mean that you have not yet truly accepted that if you have a struggle with soemone else or with the stuff Hashem has given you, the problem is really in you, and you alone. That's what my 4th means to me, though I do it very imperfectly, too. We'll continue to have these struggles till we are perfected. But the issue isn't perfection, it is in being in the process and living along spiritual lines, as AA puts it. Because that is sanity. Not being in the process is just plain suicide for addicts, it seems. Does that help?

Momo,
I don't know if you've been following my diary of the 10 day emotional sobriety intensive.  I've spent the last 2 years every Monday morning in group therapy where we relive emotional episodes of our past.  Yes, it is painful, yet enlightening.  But like Duvid says, we have to trust the process.  And the process is getting it out of our system takes away the shame and guilt and lets us realize that what happened to us in the past, is not our fault and not our parents or teachers fault. They have their own baggage, past and history. BUT we will mourn the fact that we've grown up with this situation and why didn't we grow up somewhat different without all these problems.

I spent over $3,000 going to this 10 day intensive, borrowed money I didn't have.  The week after the intensive I felt sad, not depressed, but mourning the fact that I had to go through this again.  Yet today, 2 weeks later, I'm serene, calm and living day to day.  Something which has been impossible in my past.

Momo, trust the process.  The promises work.  I and many others are a testimony to that.

It takes time to perfect your middos.  But let me tell you something.  A Rabbi once told me that people really don't change.  They go year after year, RH & YK, year after year and after Yom Kippur they're still the same.  The same rushing, mumbling through davening, giving lip service to real trust in Hashem.  But you've made great progress.  You've just made a Cheshbon Hanefesh that 99.9% of Jews today DO NOT TAKE 5 MINUTES A YEAR TO DO.  You should be proud of yourself.

Regret and sorrow are part of the Teshuva process.  It is Elul, isn't it? Imagine what its going to be like going into  RH & YK with CLARITY in your life.  When you say Viduy you'll remember HEY, THAT ONE WAS ON MY 4TH STEP and you'll resolve to do better next year.  G-d does not ask us for perfection, only progress.  Only a willingness to do better.  

It's a lifelong job for all of us, and we're the silent minority that the Mussar movement always hoped would be taking time out to do a reckoning of our life.

Tachlis:  Start writing in a daily journal, 3 pages each morning, about whatever comes up. Just let it out.  It will change your life. Pick one thing this season to work on.  Don't tackle every facet of your personality all at once.  Write a list every night of what you're grateful for, what your strengths are, what you accomplished good today and you'll begin to believe it.

We all over intellectualize the process, why, what, who.  We have to know everything.  It's an addict thing, really.  Just relax, know that the process is working for you and reap the rewards.  Asking a hundred of us for more details and ideas is just going to increase your TO-DO list and that leads to procrastination and you know the rest.

Have a KSiva V'Chasimah Tovah.

elya

Duvid Chaim, Dov, Elya, the GYE 12 step experts,

Thank all of you for responding. I'm honored to have all 3 of you write on my thread, and and all on the same page.

It's almost like having the 3 tenors sing for me at the same concert.  ;D

MOMO!! YAY MOMO!!

Beautiful post and inspirational!

At least that? At least that?

What you did was huge!!!

I can do it too? Great! Well, as you see, so can you! And don't forget it!

Sturggle

Anytime man.

Loneliness is a good friend of mine too. Maybe one day we can all hang out!

On second thought, let's not tell him that we're getting together...

Good job Momo!! Be very careful the next three days. You surely do not think like this, but just in case: don?t let the YH trick you into thinking you can do it again.... next time he might win completely!

You are shaking the heavens!

Momo u did a great job today
im very impressed
stay strong man

Where's that SUPER MOMO logo you used to have? I think you deserve it back!

bs"d

yesher koach, momo!

Yes, that was me. I have a secret ways of communicating with people I really love 

Momo, can you make yourself a red line for 90 days not to browse anything innapropriate on the web? Take it one step at a time. Because once you take that first drink, the game is basically over. How you manage to sometimes stop yourself at the edge of the cliff is beyond amazing. But that's NOT the way to go. It can't last long term. I will quote something Dov said recently in today's chizuk e-mail, in your honor. The only way to succeed long term is not to take the first drink. If you stay far from the edge of the cliff and a hole opens up in the ground under you suddenly, and you fall, well, at least you didn't bring it about by walking at the edge. But make a commitment now, before Rosh hashana, for one month, that you won't browse innapropriate stuff. Can you do that? For the sake of all of us here, your brothers an sisters of GYE? We'll throw a party for you if you do!

guardureyes wrote on 16 Sep 2009 12:38:


It will be hard for me to do, since that's my drug when I'm feeling irritable, but I know it's not good for me. Of course, you're right that I wouldn't have to pull myself back from the edge of the cliff if I kept my distance in the first place. 

It's time for me to grow up, and there is no better time then 3 days before R"H.

So, blee neder, I take upon myself not to browse to inappropriate sites on the web for one month.

I think with the support of my GUE friends I can do it.

May HaShem help me.

PARTY TIME GUYS!!

I uploaded a most beautiful song in honor of your commitment, Momo. It brings tears to my eyes when I hear it. The Pesuk "Gol Al Hashem Darkecha, Bitach Alav Ve'hu Yaa'seh" - this is truly the 3rd step of the 12-Steps. Let Go and Let G-d. In the holy words of David Hamelech. Hashem will do it for you, Momo. He is already doing it. Watch the miracle unfold!

P.S. It takes a few times to truly appreciate the beauty of the song... So play it again and again. I must have listened to this song 50 times! I sing along with it now, tears in my eyes.

Guard, don't you think we should party next month if I'm successful? Isn't it a bit premature to party now?

When a rocket is launched, everyone cheers, no??

Houston, this is "Tranquility" base here. The Eagle is on it's WAY!