Dear Mo-Man,
It's all a test. DC gave us a line to remember: 'It's ALL G-d, ALL the time!" Not only is He the only One who is perfect, but He controls everything, not me and not you. He is writing (and editing) the script of my life, places me on the stage of this life, and wants me to learn from how I react to life how to become humble and giving, and thru that (and Torah and Mitzvos, of course) build a closer relationship with Him.
We want life to go OUR way, not G-d's, and get upset when our wants are not forthcoming. We get resentful, and we fear cuz we begin to imagine more negative outcomes. All that puts us in pain, and to escape the pain, we turn to false pleasures of P and M and run away from facing life on G-D's terms.
So you see, Momo, our expecting perfection from ourselves when we are really only human, and our need for approval from peers to feel fulfilled, is all part of that vicious cycle. We don't have pain because we have low self-esteem, we have low self-esteem BECAUSE we are in pain when life doesn't go our way.
The way out of this cycle, the way to feel more POSITIVE about ourselves, is to change our perspective on how we view the "stuff of life."
Realize that Hashem is sending you MESSAGES with every encounter you have. He wants us to focus less on ourselves, and more on others. Instead of thinking in the negative, self-absorbed mode of "Why didn't my boss see all the GOOD work I did also," we could think in the POSITIVE unselfish mode of "Wow! I thought that part of my work was as well done as the other part, but I'm thankful I was shown where parts need correction. Perhaps I can concentrate better than I have been while I work for someone who is paying me to get things done the way he wants."
Then, couple that with an added dose of forgiveness and understanding: "I know I'm trying, I'm just doing the best that I can. And so is my boss, he's just doing the best that HE can, under all his pressures and needs that I know nothing about. The parts of my work that need correction must have been more important to him than i thought, that's why he didn't notice the correct things I've done." or maybe "Perhaps he's a person that always focusses on the negative, especially when he's paying the bill. Maybe he can't help it. Perhaps i could be more considerate of his feelings, too."
Focussing away from ourselves, we begin to CARE more about helping others and feeling for THEIR needs and pain. When we focus less on ourselves, we see the available positive outcomes that allow us to give MEANING and PURPOSE to what we thought were negatives. And so WE GET OUT OF PAIN. This is the catalyst to a happier life, without resentments and fears (the stuff of RID). And the SIDE BENEFIT of that, of course, is that we no longer have the need to stupefy ourselves, and the desire to view P or act out goes..... POOF!!
Love,
Steve
