What Dov means to say is that if you say it over in the RIGHT WAY, she won't take it in the wrong way.
Actually, I just meant: "live to give" as often as possible, especially with your wife. It's
not "how you say it to her that I care about first, though it certainly is good practice to say things in a loving way...but sometimes we don't need to
say anything at all. It's
what motivates me that matters the most in the relationship - the good
will eventually overtake it all, if I do my part. Importantly, that does
not mean to look back on whether I did a good job at it, or to assess my progress. Let's face it: I
am selfish and probably hopelessly in love with me. But I don't care! Every time I remember that what I am doing - usually something self-centered - is not working (evidenced by my unhappiness), I turn my thoughts to how can I take the actions of love right then.
To (complete) heck with assessing myself - it has nothing to do with anything especially in the first year or two of recovery. I can be the most selfish and self-absorbed person - and
remain that way..even
die that way...it may even be on my tombstone...but I do not care
at all. It's actually none of my business. The only thing that I care about is what I am doing right now. I am totally powerless over the past and over the actual outcomes of the future. How can I love my wife, my children, my Jewish people, and my G-d right now? That is what matters, as far as I am concerned. I need to snub my nose at pretty much everything else, sometimes.
Thinking (especially about myself) is usually poison, and stupid. Not always, but usually. Especially in early recovery. At least, for me and many other addicts I know.
Sorry for possible total gibberrishness. I'll shut up now.
Have a great Shabbos! (that didn't count for the "shutting-up" thing ;D)
:D :D 
