Hi Momo,

First of all, there are "GM Momo messages pasting the walls over the mechitza! I promised I'd let you know - out of sight is definitely not out of mind

I do not post this side of mechitza as a rule as you may have noticed.
But all rules need exceptions
You know we are with you through thick and thin.
Always

7Up wrote on 18 Jan 2010 11:25:


Thank you for posting, and for relaying the messages from the "sitas". It means a lot to me, and is definitely a "pick-me-up".
I'm sitting here wondering how you and the "sistas" are doing.

HI MOMO!!

Rage ATM wrote on 18 Jan 2010 14:11:


I know. You're right on the money. I've thought about that too.

I haven't let my slip/fall (whatever it was) get me into a deep depression (just a "light" one  ) and I haven't used it as an excuse to fall deeper and cross my red lines (which amazingly, I haven't crossed in 41 and 1/2 days).

I realize how vulnerable I am, and how careful I must be. It's a humbling experience. Humble lions don't roar, but maybe sometime in the future...

And please remember, too, that you have a lot to be happy about...and as always, I'm suspicious of "down" feelings, and suspect that they're usually NOT coming from a place of growth, but rather the yetzer hora.

So remember that as far as hashem is concerned, you're winning, you're doing great, and you should be smiling!

The rule of thumb with any type of sadness, is that if it makes you want to serve H-shem and do more mitzvos and better - then it's the good type. But if it has the slightest trace of yiush or "what the heck" or anything that makes you unmotivated - it's just a mask. Inside is 100% Y"H.

Y"H = Yi'ush is Hevel

MOMO!!!

The most UNBELIEVABLY VALIANT WARRIOR, right on the FRONT LINES!!!

Momo, you remember being a little boy? Remember wanting to be just like those cartoon characters that always beat the odds?

I'll let you in on their secret.... THEY ARE FLEXIBLE!!

If a heavy book falls from high shelf, it goes SPLATT on the floor and just lays there, and the dust clouds settle. Inflexible.

But when a cartoon character falls from the same height, when he hits the floor, his body kinda SQUASHES, and then he BOUNCES RIGHT BACK UP AGAIN. And in that bounce is a NEW MOMO-MENTUM, which is a product of the inertia he hit the floor with, the hardness of the floor, and the RESILIENCY of his body, catapulting him to a greater height like a super-ball.

Your inertia is the speed, power, and grace of you 41 plus days; the hardness of the floor is the TRUTH that we will ALWAYS be powerless against our addiction; and your resiliency is that YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY ON THAT FLOOR, but use it as a springboard to greater heights, because you are aiming to get there!!

Don't get depressed because of the hardness of that truth. It's a CHESED from HKB"H that you KNOW THIS. It's is NOT debilitating, adarabbah, it is the MOST FREEING THOUGHT POSSIBLE, because now I know that I will be OK if I NEVER cross that Red Line (as you called it). That's the bottom line. We just can not go there, or even near it.

The YH is pulling out the stops, trying to get you to slip with enough "safe" ventures into his territory until you cross the Red Line. MOMO!! Build a fence!!! Make an amber line ahead of the red one, and don't cross that one either!! YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR YH IF YOU WALK WITH HASHEM NEXT TO YOU!!

When i find myself starting to look at women again the wrong way, I have learned from you to STOP MYSELF and examine my motives - why am I feeling sorry for myself enough to go down this slope. Once i realise what's causing the depression, I say like you taught me ENOUGH!! I will not do that again today!! TODAY I can handle. I'll deal with tomorrow when i get there.

Momo, Never Give Up!! The Lion WILL roar again!!

And remember we all love you.

Not the lion will Roar again, but the lion is Roarring as we speak!

Remember gibor ki'ar, what is the greatness of the ari, what is gibor, the ability to hold back  your Y"H and you are doing that right now!!! The roaring may be quiet and may be  beneath the surface, but the roarring is stronger than ever!!!

Sometimes the first slip is not our real test at all, our real test is whether we're gonna let the YH make us feel so bad about the first fall that we just throw in the towel and go all the way.

But you are not doing that, you are holding those red lines and not letting yourself be dragged across them!! You are ROARING!

Have a wonderful day

Momo wrote on 19 Jan 2010 13:21:
My world feels like it's in pieces already, it's actually been this way for as long as I can remember. I'm not even so bothered by it anymore. My focus at this point is to put it together. It seems far away, but I always believe that one day I'll do it, and always think that day will be tomorrow.

Momo wrote on 19 Jan 2010 13:56:


Yeah, I think it's part of being alive.  We just gotta try not to get too upset when things fall apart (and not too excited when things are going great).

Momo wrote on 19 Jan 2010 13:56:
And for lots and lots of people - they DO disappear. If you want to extreme-ize what your feeling now, read through Koheles. It will also put your mood in the right perspective.
At first glance, one can wonder why G-d would create his world this way. But if you think about it, in order for us to make the choices we need to make, and for our actions to have the value and meaning we need them to have, it has to be this way.
We can't be confident about the things we have here. It's counterproductive and makes us forget the purpose of it all.

Falling apart? You've gotta have something for it to be falling apart...I'm working on moving forward, and OK, I know I've got a lot to be thankful for, but sometimes...I just feel like my life is empty. And as an aside, things with my job (which is part-time, and not something I'm desperate for) are just SO messed up, and I've got to constantly reassess things, and get information from people who are too busy to give it to me, yadda yadda.

And you know what? That's part of one day at a time. Fine, so things aren't where I'd like them to be. Just live today to the fullest possible. What will happen tomorrow? To my clean streak, to my friends, family, dating, therapy, job, etc? Doesn't matter. Just live today.

gmg