Momo wrote on 17 Jan 2010 12:18:
I'm not a hero.
I feel sad and fed up and angry again all at once.
Is my life just about going from one kumsitz to the next?
What does it matter if I do 40 days or 400 days if I'm bound to fall anyway?
I'm having doubts as to who I am and why I even bother...
I once knew someone who had been an alcoholic. He was a couple of years sober at the time, and in a conversation with a friend he mentioned the number of days it was. So this "friend" tells him: "Hey ----, why are you making a big deal out of it? You didn't accomplish anything, all you have is a number. Face it, there's nothing really there".
Well guess what happened. That's right! He wen't home and started drinking again. And till this day, he still hasn't gotten his life back together.
This story as messed up as it sounds, happens all the time. And it's happening to you right now. He is convincing you of stupid @#$%.
He has waited for this bad mood for a long time, because you haven't giving him a chance to get you when you were in a normal state.
I once heard a lecture from a very famous kiruv guy. It was about character development. He started off with saying that we have to be "above" our moods, and not the other way around. That doesn't mean we have to be able to control which moods we are in. That is a very high level. (They won't ask us "Why weren't we R' Zelig Pliskin"
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
)
What he meant was that we should be in control of what we
do regardless of our moods. Now of course that requires some kind of system or technique. So he exlained to us the concept of a "non-thinking day". Which means that when we wake up and realize that we are in a mood which is depressing, or angry, or disappointed, or resentful, or frustrated, or less hopeful, or feeling pointless (very common), we should automatically acknowledge the mood, realize it's not us, and switch on our non-thinking mode. Where we basically under no circumstances are we allowed to think about anything. We have to sort of glide through the day/hour/whatever until it's gone. And as soon as we're through it and back to our real selves, we realize how stupid it would have been to make ANY decisions under that mindset, ESPECIALLY ones detrimental to our normal selves.
I hope you manage to use this piece of advice, you sound like your more the type to be affected by your moods.
Good luck MOMO, you
are our hero.
Please don't let that shm--- convince you otherwise.