both battleworn's and 7up's messages really had an effect on me. wow, what words you speak (write...). momo, you can think about what 7up said, but i don't know if knowing what's going on in your subconscious is all that important to this struggle. 7up said that you should accept yourself with love, entirely and unconditional acceptance of yourself. i know that for myself this is a difficult thing to do. it's not about me knowing where i'm at whether on a conscious or subconscious level, it's about pure and whole acceptance of me and everything and anything that may include, no matter what it is or where i'm at!

all the best...

A man once came to one of the great Chaddisic Masters and was agonizing over the fact that he had pushed his father to go for surgery and the father ended up dying... "If I would have only done so and so" said the man, "my father would still be alive"... Answered the Rebbe: "the words 'could have' or 'would have' are KEFFIRA!!"

We have to believe that whatever we did in the past and whatever happened in the past and whatever decisions we made in the past - WERE MEANT TO BE EXACTLY LIKE THAT.




It's VERY common. This is one of the chief underlying causes of addiction. It's no wonder Rabbi Twerski is a world expert on addictions, he wrote almost 50 books on SELF ESTEEM. Listen to this shiur from Rabbi Twerski where he discusses HIS OWN struggle with self-esteem.

MoMo:

      Why are we all here? Because we want that closeness to Hashem that only comes by fulfilling his wishes. Otherwise, we would all be out surfing around who knows where.

Here is one of Hashems wishes:

V'AHAVTA L'Reiecha K'Mocha  MoMo, please look very closely at the last word of this mitzva. K'Mocha.... do you see what I see.......K'MoMocha!!!

Yes, there is a remez to you in this very mitzvah!  And, what does this mitzva teach us? THat we must love our fellow yid,...just as much as we love ourselves. Well, if we don't love ourselves too much, we will not be able to make our fellow yid very happy.
So, we learn here that we FIRST must come to love ourselves, and only then can we fulfill this mitzva of loving our fellow yid properly.

Now that "me" brought up this posuk, I would like to refer you to the Chofetz Chaim's explanation of the posuk. The posuk ends off "Ani Hashem" The Chofetz Chaim (Shimiras Haloshon, shaar hatevunah, perek 6 ) asks what's the connection between ואהבת לריעך כמוך and אני ד? And he explains in great length, that it means that if you see someone acting in a way that he shouldn't be acting, you're liable to look down at him and not love him.

So Hashem says אני ד meaning "I -Hashem- love him, I hold of him he's good enough for me, you could love him too" Like it says מלאכי פרק א)  אהבתי אתכם אמר ד) and this posuk was said to "big-time" sinners

Every Yid is good enough for Hashem to love, but a Yid like Momo -GEVAAALD!!! It's people like you that Hashem כביכול shows off about! (ברכות ו עמוד א) 

Momo-
Haven't heard from you in a couple of days. Are things a little brighter? Hoping to hear from you.

bs"d

I am really happy to hear that you are getting better. You are in my prayers.

Momo, join the new chart.

We created a new "automated" 90 Day Wall of Honor chart to make it easier for everyone (it is still under construction, but it is already functional).
Click here to see the new automated chart.

Click here to sign up.

From now on, you can updated yourself manually. The chart automatically keeps track of how many days you are clean and what Level you are on, each time you update.

Here are the RULES for the new chart:
- You must update yourself at least once a week.
- If you do not update yourself for over a week, your name becomes RED.
- If you do not update for two weeks, your name falls off the chart.
(Even if you fall off the chart, your name remains in our database, so you can choose to go back on the chart by logging in with your username and password and pressing "edit profile" and then selecting "Put me on the chart").

To update yourself, click here to Login.
Type in your username: Momo
The password for everyone on the chart is currently: GYE
(you can change your password by clicking "edit your profile" at the bottom)
To update the chart, choose "Still Clean" and then press "Update Chart"

We hope you enjoy this new feature. It is one of many new features that we are working on.
Please send us any remarks about the new system, or if you think something should be different or that we should add/change anything.

Keep strong!

Shavua Tov Momo,

Nothing to say really, other than

a)to tell you that you were in my thoughts all all Shabbos, and hope you're feeling happier.
b) to ask how Denmark is? :D :D :D

Hi Momo-
Happy to hear you are feeling better? you are in my thoughts and Tefillos.

With regard to Sundays, remember L'fum Tzara Agra. And the Sechar is per second (or maybe even less).

We are rooting for you!

bs"d

Hi Momo,

i am very happy to hear about your progress, and that you are doing better! Sunday is also hard for me. So today i started working out again, and wow do i feel a different person! I worked out from 4 to 6pm, but i got out my bad mood, b"H.

Just as "hoping" and probably many other forum members i was also praying for you this Shabbes, and i mentioned your name by the Kosel.

all the best!!!

Reb Dov, that's always been one of my all-time favorite vertlach!

I suggest that you get back in to the handbooks. You were doing very well with that. It didn't make you immune from ever acting out again, but now you know that nothing does. When you post your comments on the handbooks it helps others also which in turn helps you in more than one way. I really enjoyed your stuff and I hope you'll continue soon.

Sorry to hear about a tough day in Denmark Momo. Perhaps the time has come to visit Japan instead?

I fully agree with Battleworn. Go through the handbooks again and again, in fact, get a chavrusa / partner for it and study them with Rashi! There really is so much depth in them.

As for Duvid Chaim's group, I dont see any contradiction between what you aim to achieve, and what you are accomplishing already.

Learning to see beyond our own selfish needs is the exact response needed to beat the yh of "me". By slowly learning to focus and respond to the needs of others we come to realize that what we do affects others directly as well as indirectly. Yelling at ones wife will affect her day one way, while complimenting her will definitely have a very different effect. She gave you the cold shoulder all day after you yelled? Well, next time you may come to think twice before letting lose because you didn't like the result. She made your favorite supper and joked and laughed all night after the compliment? You are going to want to keep receiving that response, and will be encouraged to compliment again. We react to positive reinforcement.

Eventually, you will want to make others happy by giving to them, and in return, will find that true happiness is in giving. And by filling yourself with healthy stimuli, slowly but surely your need to act out will ease up.
Thinking of others and giving, is step one in dealing with the source of your internal emptiness. Acting out is nothing more than a putrid Band-Aid covering a festering wound.

Momo, have patience with yourself, although Im sure you are rolling your eyes as I say this! Remember, the addiction wasnt created in a day. HOw do you expect it to leave as fast? If I cut myself, the act of cutting may have taken mere seconds, but the act of healing will take days or weeks.

Let go, let G-d, and daven!

MOMO!

I aught to be angry with you! Here I am; wracking my brains trying to find the right thing to write, while all I had to do was copy and paste the following post which I saw right afterwards!

In the future, just read the following. And after reading it, read it again. And again. And again!





We need you here and love you (oh; I think that was plagerism! )

OK, 7UP, ha ha.  
If you had seen my post a few minutes earlier you wouldn't have written your wonderful post to me, and that would have been my loss.


All that aside, that doesn't answer my question I was hoping someone who has gone through the 12 step program can answer (I don't expect a response right away, but it would be great to get one within the next 24 hours).

Here, again is my question:
Once starting the 12 step program, how long does it take before I will I start to see real improvement? I'm sure it varies from person to person, but on average, how long?