So, I was thinking.... (Don't worry Dov, not to much
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Something Duvid Chaim said. He said that we need to connect to our inner child. To remember a time when we were truly happy and self-confident, a time before the addiction started, or before the trauma that caused us to run to our addictive comfort zone.
I recommend everyone think about that child within himself/herself and connect with him/her. Remember what that child felt and how he/she acted.
I guess I'm starting to connect to that inner child.
I remember him now. For many years I had forgotten that he had ever existed.
Can you believe that up to age 12 I was extroverted, self-confident and happy? I actually used to put on one-man shows in front of my class, and prepare the material the night before, in my spare time.
Then something traumatic happened to me at age 12 (sorry, I won't go into details) and everything changed. I turned from a happy innocent child into an angry child with low self-esteem, got older, and discovered how to escape from the world. The rest is history, until a couple of weeks ago when I'm trying to rewrite history.
I did think my destiny was to try to free myself from the addiction, yet fail and die unclean.
Now I know that even though I am an addict I do have a choice on how to act. My fate is not predetermined.
I think that is one of the most important things I've written in my entire life, and I've written a lot. I'll write it again. Now I know that even though I am an addict, I do have a choice on how to act.
Wow.
MOMO... (OMG!! I JUST HAD AN A&W MOMENT! I DECIDED TO SEND YOU THIS, AND JUST AS I TYPED YOUR NAME I GOT A TEXT FROM MY SON,
Anyway, like I was trying to say, MOMO... (please scroll down....)
and I mean that from the bottom of my liver....