I'm happy I made you laugh because I think you can use some laughter. But I promise you I'm dead serious. I was writing about YOU and I didn't exaggerate at all. It's the plain truth! The only reason it sounds funny is because the y'h had you convinced about his nonsense. The difference between what he told you and the truth is so extreme that it sounds funny.

But you know that he's the pathological liar, not me. And why would you want to believe someone that's desperately trying to destroy you?




I also had a day of major tests, yesterday. In some I did better than others. And two other guys that I'm in contact with also had a "bad" day.

Momo if it makes it any easier for you to swallow; yes I'm talking about other people ALSO. If you're to self-conscious to be in the limelight all by yourself, don't worry. 7up, Net, Be Holy, Noorah and all the rest of the chevra will be there with you!  

If it makes you stronger it's from the Y"T; if it makes you weaker it's from the y"h. You can usually know from experience what makes you stronger and what makes you weaker. There's also a general rule that I just saw this morning in the "Baal Shem Tov al HaTorah" Anything that you're "mivazeh" -you look down at, is automatically weakened and thrown down. If you look down at taivoh then the stength of your taivoh is broken.

If you c"v look down at yourself then your strength is c"v broken. That's why the y"h is so desperately trying to get you to look down at yourself. So if this idea of punishing yourself has anything at all to do with putting yourself down then you know where it's coming from.

bs"d

wow, battleworn, thank you again. that's a great thing to know!

MoMo, it is the big Y'H that needs to be punished. I mean...doesn't he deserve it? So, as I said before....get up and dance...he hates it so much to see a yid B'simcha. Simcha IS the nuclear arsenol that will completely destroy him.

Yesterday and today were some of the most difficult days that I remember on our forum in a long time. So many of people seemed to be struggling valiantly against a seemingly invincible enemy. Many of our greatest warriors experienced falls, and others were posting how they've never felt so close the edge of the abyss. I received a lot of e-mails with calls for help, people were claiming they felt as if their very "Bechira" was being removed from them.

Rabboisai, I think I have a theory for why this may be happening now. Let me share with you my thoughts, because I believe it can shed some "light" on this period of the year and on our struggle with the forces of "darkness" in general. But to understand what I am going to say, I will need to give a first a Hakdama (introduction).

The Zohar (in Chelek Beis, pg 78b) writes that Yakov Avinu took the months of Nissan and Iyar for himself (hence Yetziyas Mitzrayim, Kabbalas Hatorah), and Eisav took the months of Tamuz and Av for himself (and hence, the 17th of Tamuz and Tisha Be'av), but only the first 9 days of Av belong to him.

It says in the Mishna that they stopped gathering wood for the Mizbe'ach from the 15th of Av and on, because the strength of the sun finally breaks at that point, and the wood for the Mizbe'ach must be gathered only while the sun is at its strongest. Once the sun is no longer as strong, the wood can be slightly damp inside and it won't burn as well.

The Jewish people are compared to the moon, which renews itself each month. When Moshiach comes, the moon will be as bright as the sun. Esav chose this world over the next world, and the ruler of the heavens in this world is the sun. When the sun is the strongest, the koach of Esav is the strongest. But only until Moshiach comes...

The Beis Ahron of Karlin at the end of Parshas Pinchas brings a Medrash that says that the months of Tamuz, Av and Elul have no Regalim in them. That is why Hashem gave us three Regalim in the month of Tishrei, as if to "pay us back". The Beis Ahron writes that the 3 weeks are a very high time. These 3 weeks symbolize the 3 upper worlds (Ga"r or Gimmle Rishonos; Keser, chachma and Bina), and according to Kabbala, these three worlds are above time and space. That is why, says the Beis Ahron, the 3 weeks are a time when Hashem is so "hidden". Not because it is a "dark" time, but rather because the world cannot be "Sovel" (tolerate) the great light of this period of the year. But when Moshiach comes, he writes, these three weeks will be revealed and they will become great Yomim Tovim. And the Beis Ahron ends by saying that that is why we usually read Parshas Pinchas during the 3 weeks, because Pinchas has in it all the Regalim...

Now that we have the "Hakdama", I want to explain my theory as to why the struggle is so hard davka now. The Koach of Esav is at its height during the three weeks. From Rosh Chodesh Tamuz until the 9th of Av is approx 40 days. We are now smack in middle of those 40 days. At the end of these 40 days, the sun's strength starts to wane. That means that in middle of the 40 days, the sun is at its peak. Now is the most hidden time. The world cannot be "sovel" the great light, and when the keilim are not able to hold the light, they break. That is why the walls of Yerushalayim were breached and the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed. The "Keilim" of the yidden were not worthy of maintaining the great light, so when the light became the strongest, it broke the vessels. And that is perhaps why so many of us are struggling now more than any other time of the year.

The Yartzeit of Rav Shlomo Karliner is tonight, on the 22cd Tamuz. He was killed al Kiddush Hashem by a Russian Cossack, and Tzadikim said he was the bechina of Moshiach Ben Yosef. Yosef was born and died on Rosh Chodesh Tamuz. This is because the Koach of yosef will one day over power Esav as the Pasuk says "and the house of Yosef will be a flame and the house of Eisav will be like straw". Yosef's flame of Kedusha will devour and eradicate the power of Eisav from the world. But before Moshiach comes, Esav's Koach seems to overpower Yosef in the middle of the three weeks, and Yosef needs to "die" (be mistalek) in order to combat Esav. We all know that the death of Moshiach Ben Yosef is an integral part of the Ge'ulah. Only after Moshiach ben Yosef dies can Moshiach Ben David reveal himself.

The Guardureyes.com website was launched on the 22cd of Tamuz - exactly two years ago. Our community is part of the light of Yosef that shines forth after the holy bechina of Yosef seems to have been "killed" - kaviyachol - by Esav and all his impurities. Our network is perhaps a harbringer of the Ge'ulah, the fulfillment of what the holy Ohr Hachayim Hakadosh writes (Shemos 3:8 ), that before Moshiach comes the Yidden will be subjected to the 50th level of impurity (i.e. the death of Yosef - Kaviyachol), yet they will find the strength to enter into the mouth of the Satan and remove that which he had swallowed from his very mouth. ("Le'hotzi Bo'loi Mi'piv", i.e. using the power of the internet, the Satan's very tool, to bring out the sparks of Kedusha that had fallen prey to the 50th level of Tumah).

Rabboisai. The wood for the Holy Mizbe'ach can only be gathered NOW when the sun is at its PEAK. The greatest sacrifices for Hashem are done in the most hidden times. So many people fell now, so many great warriors are struggling, but davka now - after the bechina of Yosef seems to have been trampled and "killed", the light of the Ge'ulah begins to shine forth.

Tonight is the Yartzeit of Rav Shlomo Karliner and it is also the day that the Guardureyes network was launched. Tzadikim say, that although the 3 weeks is generally a bad time to start anything new, the day of Rav Shlomo's Yartzeit is a day when it is davka Mesugal to start something new, and to make a personal RENEWAL. And just like this network was launched on this day, I ask all of you in our community of Hashem's "front-line soldiers", to take this power of renewal, and to renew the light of Yosef by gathering the wood for the Mizbe'ach of our hearts, davka now when Hashem is Hidden from us the most.

We have it in our hands to bring the Ge'ulah! Through our personal sacrifices - by offering the desires of our hearts to Hashem, we will be the ones Be"h to reveal the blinding light of Hashem that is hidden in these three weeks.

Wow! I mean; wow, wow, wow! :o

Guard, that was absolutely amazing! Any of your friends ever call you a darshan when you were younger?!

Momo; Im jealous!  Not only do you have  this powerful message on your page, but Hashem sent him the message in your zchus!

I'm telling you guys; Mashiach is moments away and the menuval is PANICNG!!!

Yes; "WE"......CAN.....AND.....WILL.....DO....IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rabeinu Guard, I think you hit the nail right on the head!




I want to suggest that the reason for this is that the wood IS the weaknesses and failings that we have. There is a very big yesod from the Sfas Emes (and others) based on the words of Chazal on the posuk אש תמיד תוקד על המזבח. Chazal say that אש תמיד is reffering to the light of the Menorah and the posuk is telling us that the light of the menorah needs to be taken from the מזבח החיצון.

Says the Sfas Emes, the fire of the Menorah is the fire of light and warmth. It signifies the light of Torah and Mitzvohs and Kirvas Hashem. The fire of the מזבח החיצון is the fire of consumption that burns up the beheimos/behamius and of course signifies milchemes hayetzer. CHAZAL ARE TELLING US THAT THE SOURCE OF THE LIGHT OF KIRVAS HASHEM IS THE FIRE OF MILCHEMES HAYETZER.

Just as we know in the physical world every light/warmth needs fuel to burn, so to in the spiritual world we need fuel to burn. The fuel/wood is our weaknesses and failings. And the more fuel to burn the more light and energy we get. For every weakness that we have, we must thank Hashem for the wood that he so generously gave us. And when the sun is the strongest the wood is the highest quality. (If you ever wondered why women seem to be more sensitive to heat than men are, now you understand. It's not the physical heat but the heat of eisav)

"The Jewish people are compared to the moon"


And right now, at this time of the month, the moon is waning and weaker. B'ezras Hashem, come Rosh Chodesh, we will once again be a growing light; getting larger and stronger each day.

Momo, to address your story a little more. Firstly, punishing yourself is not healthy, but posting the exact nature and details of your struggle like you did, IS HEALTHY. Like say say in AA, "we're only as sick as our secrets". So you shouldn't view your post as a punishment to yourself, but rather as a great way of healing...

Secondly, the arguing with the wife needs to stop That leads to anxiety, resentfulness, etc.. and is a major cause of falls. Remember R.I.D? You might need to go for marriage counseling to help with that. Or the 12-Steps will teach us how to stop putting "ourselves" first, as in Chaim Duvid's exercise... If we do this, automatically the marriage will get much better. (A woman will do anything for a guy she senses puts her concerns before his own.  )

As far as your son, I think this is just a warning from Shamayim to help you to "hit bottom" while still on top. (A STRONG WARNING indeed, but with Chesed still).

We are thinking of you... Be strong for all of us.

bs"d

Guard, thanks, this was absolutely meaningful! I too had one of the hardest weeks i could remember last week... it's only when you mentioned it that i remembered... thanks for your beautiful words. BTW for more insight and chizuk during the 3 weeks i recommend R. Tsvi Meir Zilberberg's sefer on parshas Dvarim. It's eye-opening.

Thank you Momo - as 7up said, we merited Guard's post in your zchus!!!

bs"d

Amen! I am happy that it is less dark and that you can see some light again. Thank you for being my/our friend!

We all love you Momo. Not only because we are all in this together which makes you one of the family, but even more so, because we all see your potential so clearly.

As I wrote once before; The time has come to learn to love yourself!

It's really interesting that you brought this up. Just yesterday I was looking through that sefer and I came accross the shiur from שבת נחמו and פרשת ראה of תשנ"ט It's on page קל'ז. I
think that that shiur is perhaps the most powerful and most "yesodosdig" of all for our battle. Check it out.

I hate to say it Momo, but until you learn to accept yourself with love - meaning accepting your shortcomings as well as appreciating your many good points, you are going to have trouble refraining from falling.

As long as you conciously or subconciously feel that you are not worth the effort, you are not really putting every drop of koach into the fight. Perhaps part of you really wants to fail, so you can continue 'proving' to yourself that you are weak and worthless?

I hope this hasnt hurt you dear Momo. If it makes you uncomfortable, feel free to remove it from the forum.
But please, even if you remove it from the public eye, try internalize what I am trying to tell you.

Everyone here hurts watching you suffer so much. We hurt; because we love you

My Dear Momo, I wasn't planning on ever saying anything about this but now I see that it's important. In your signature there's a little mistake. It says "....the greatest mission of our generation" It should say the greatest mission of all time. We are called the "feet" of klal Yisroel and more specificaly the "heals". While the heals are known to get caloused and have no feeling (לב האבן) the whole body stands on them. In the same way all the neshamos of Klal Yisroel are relying on US to bring the Tikun Hashalem. They could never do it because they would never last amid such tumah.

The Sfas Emes says that a Neshomoh has to have a very high source to able to do such a thing. Hashem has all kinds of soldiers in his army and they're all very important. But the most elite are of course the special force soldiers that penetrate in to enemy territory להוציא בלעו מפיו. The whole point of the long golus was to reach this point where Hashem's private stock- elite commando soldiers can do their thing. In fact this is the point of the whole creation. I don't expect you to change your view of yourself so radicaly in one day (and you shouldn't either) but it's time to start working on it.

CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!