imy"h by u

bardichev wrote on 28 Dec 2009 16:51:
NO MATTER WHAT.  ??? REBBERERREBBERERREBBERER

Dear Reb b,

Sorry for being so late but my only internet access is from work and was ill yesterday so missed all the action from whenever. My "boss" went a bit ballistic about email use and stuff like that, too, and lunch today was a wash, so...this is the earliest I could be on here with a (semi) clear head.

Hope you are OK. That's selfish because you make me smile in the most unexpected times. And I've never even met you! I have a l'Chayim (W!) every Shabbos se'udah after the fish and say "for the berdichever" and my kids ask me who that is and I tell them it was a great man I never met. Nu. I smile. They wonder if I should be sent to a nursing home a bit early....

Your 5 points. Ahh. Oyy.

Just a reality check first. My wife just called me to let me know that an old friend of mine just lost his wife from a sudden illness, R"l. All I can say is boruch Dayan ha'emess while my heart drips tears. He must know exactly what He is doing. Gevalt, gevalt. How is a person supposed to go on bichlal? I have no idea, no idea. May Hashem give him superhuman strength, show him love from people that goes way beyond normal, and shine into his heart that is breaking open and somehow give him the ability to stay sane and be His eved. Please help this man remember his children and all the other riches he has in this life and have some kind of a nechoma. I don't know what else to say and keep stopping to cry.. Please. May the folks on GYE, Hashem's sensitive bunch with beautiful hearts, daven for this man.
I'm going to go home be"H as soon as I'm done with GYE and say hi to my wife and try to tell her how I feel about her being my partner here and in the hereafter. Better yet, I'll spend less time that I want to on GYE and go home to her a bit early. Actions speak louder than words...
 
(I actually wrote the below earlier but couldn't finish it until after unburdening my heart and put the reality check first, b, because something told me it was min haShomayim, maybe to help you somehow, or just to share it and help me somehow...what's the difference?)

As far as schmutz not being fun is concerned, AAs say "being a drunk ruins your drinking". Yeah, it won't be fun any more. I commiserate. As far as recovery not being fun is concerned, recovery gets real boring until I get a fire lit under by (expletive removed by RATM - thanks rage) by #3, then #2 is botul, and suddenly it's fun again! It's amazing what a challenge it is to actually find a real big chunk of wood in shark-infested waters after a shipwreck! And looking for it is just riveting (and exciting)! Well, maybe not "fun", technically....

As far as "I want to want blah, blah...", it's OK (not good, just OK) to want it. We, of all Hashem's people, need to go easy on ourselves when we do. And our response needs to be a little smile and a "well.....there I go again! heh, heh.." and call someone (or post) about it soon. It means nothing. Absolutely nothing. If we struggle or incriminate ourselves "for stooping so low!" then we are dead. It's just a blip, bump, or bleep. Probably more like a bleep....

...and then get back to work.

I love you, b. (but not a scratch of a scratch as much as He does!)

- Dov

Dov thanks so much for that post. Im wowed over and over again by myRebbis brilliance.

Dont worry bardy your still my Rebbe. Dov is my Rebbi your my Rebbe. :D

Rebbereber=DOV

I need to learn your words

I also need to try to simplify them

Shoyach!!!

b

habib613 wrote on 28 Dec 2009 19:42:


Right on!!! I'm finding myself addicted to GYE, but it is so much better than malaria!!!!

Sorry to hear about your friends loss R' Dov.
Not just your friend's loss, but Klal Yisraels. Whoever she was, she was a sister to all of us, and we should all be mourning on some level.

A close friend of mine was suddenly nifteres 2 weeks ago and somehow, those left behind are meant to learn whatever necessary and continue that much richer. Somehow.

May Hashem comfort those in need of nechama as only He can.
And if we cant yet reach the level of simply accepting the jumbled strings from the bottom of the tapestry, may we be zoche to understand and have clarity very soon, and internalize the hug it is.

HI R"B!!!

I WAS READING YOUR THREAD BEFORE AND I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT IT GAVE ME A LOT OF CHIZZUK!!!!

THANK YOU!

KOTNMW!!!!

thanks R' B!

wow. it's hard work to write in caps. you have to say everything with so much energy...

Dov,
Great post.  It seems like you are commenting on something but I did not know what, so I hope I understood correctly.  In the future, can you please include a quote for people like myself who are not following the entire shakla v'tarya and have no patience to read all the posts.  Anyway, I want to add to some stuff that you wrote and make sure I understood correctly.



This is very interesting.  I read in a book, entitled, "The Brain the changes" by Norman Doidge, who addresses porn addiction in the middle of the book, how he explains the difference between Liking and Wanting.  He explains how one of the sure symptoms of addictions is when a person comes to a  point where he feel like he doesn't even like the stuff anymore but WANTS it feels like he NEEDS it.  I though about that a lot.  I recall with clarity, last year this time, during my final weeks of addictive patterns, realizing this about myself.  I would sit at my computer and say I do not even like this, but I want this and need it.  I then kept asking myself why I kept going back for more.  Eventually, I felt compelled to break free.



I am not sure if I understood all the implied jokes, but the basic message is recovery is fun and invigorating.  This is so true.  When I see people describe recovery as a painful process and no signs of fun, then I wonder if they are missing something in their motivation for recovery. 



I am not sure if I got fully what you are saying, can you repeat that in laymens terms. 

habib613 wrote on 31 Dec 2009 07:58:


thanks habib  i had a very hard day yesterday

yup yup the YH was gnawing

i saw i was losing control of the big truck

I didnt want to Jack-knife-tractor-traliler right in middle of yenenesville

so i pulled over  called an old chaver (yup efshar letakain)

gues what he said??

KEEP ON TREUCKIN!!!!

b

Thabks for admitting that even after months of clean the yh doesnt give up.
I think its really important for everyone to know that.

And to know how to deal with it -
call a sponsor / friend
minute by minute
move the gears on your truck to neutral
instead of spinning your wheels in the slushy mud
and getting more and more stuck.
Sing  'Ivdu es Hashem b'simcha' at the top of your voice  -
-preferably off key -
and
KEEP ON TRUCKING

r' B, you've had a rough time past few weeks?

i didn't know what to say last time,
this time either.

just that the YH is waaaayyyy too smart for us.
but he's not too smart for 2 ppl together (usually)
so keep calling!
tell efshar we say hi!
and remember how much we all need you!

BARDY BARDY BARDY!!!

When I'm slogging the long haul,

hazmats in the trailer

300 miles between me and the next motel 6

I feel myself started to fall asleep at the wheel

the white lines getting longer

I'm about to lose control,

that my friend is when I pull out my trusty flask of Woodford,

belt out a L"CHAIM!!!

and Keep on Trukkin!!!

Cant tell you how glad i am not to be on the streets near your city Haba! :o

Hello R' Bardy,
It must be something in the water, since I have also been having a hard time lately.
All my old skeletons are opening up the closet doors and going BOOOH!

If not for all the stuff I've learned these past 6 months from the Rebbe and from Dov and from Guard and from 7Up, oy...things would really not be nice.

But baruch hashem, I have not crashed yet, just skided a bit and kept on trucking. Well, driving. You have no idea how scary it is to drive a truck. I was up there in the rig the other day (for REAL!) as a passenger, man, is it scary.

Anyway, I'm going to switch to Poland Spring exclusively, and see if it helps.

I'll keep you posted.

Your neighbor,

kuts