Barditchev and Yakov Yosef, thank you for these beautiful and inspiring posts! Both of them would make great Chizuk e-mails!

I have a feeling deep down, that you two holy souls are somehow connected. You both came onto the forum together, and you're both ATOM BOMBS.

P.S. To Barditchev, believe it or not the one who runs GYE and the forum never was in an SA group himself. But being that Rabbi Twerski suggests this as the best step for a real addict, and being that I have learned so many amazing secrets from people in SA and the 12-Steps about how to beat this struggle, and seeing before my own eyes on the forum how the most hopeless addicts succeed through SA over time in miraculous ways, it is only natural that so much emphasis is put onto understanding the magic of this program... (Read Tools 14 and 15 in the handbook). In any event, thank you for your warm words!

YY
thanks  milllllllllion

Now when I see the tightrope walker on GUE, you know whatI will be thinking of.
h&h
bardichev

HERE IS A QUESTION

WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING THAT TRIGGERS YOU?

Whatever it is that I was supposed to be doing when I saw it (after or while asking Hashem to help me do that)

I AM WONDERING IF THERE IS ANYTHING ONE CAN DO  TO NOT GET STIMULATED FROM TRIGGERING SIGHTS OR SITUATIONS?
I AM NOT LOOKING FOR NISYONOS RATHER I AM TRYING TO FIND A WAY HOW TO CONTROL MY MIND AFTER I SEE SOMETHING THAT BOTHERS/EXCITES ME SO I DON'T CONTINUE LOOKING OR TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL?

Hi Tzadik, See:

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ15.asp
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ39.asp
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ40.asp

I clicked on the links and read the tips and chizuk  (some of which I'd read many times already) and I'm beginning to understand a little of the mind purification process that begins once you stop acting out and re-sensitize your mind so that you're disgusted by filth and are not numb to it.  Over time, as the addiction takes hold, you begin to view women in a new way - completely out of proportion to reality.  Every little thing is invested with tremendous meaning so that you get a high from it.  It's like looking at an ant and seeing an elephant, and tricking your mind into thinking it really is an elephant so that you can be awed by it's size and might.  Going back to the nimshal, the more you work on staying clean and keeping your thoughts pure, the more the elephant begins to shrink.  Soon it's a moose - still important and large but not quite as impressive.  I don't know enough about the animal kingdom to find perfect examples of next few stages, but I think the point has been made.  Eventually it becomes a dog, then a rabbit, then a mouse, and eventually (I'm not there yet but I'm encouraged by the trend!), eventually it becomes what it really is...an ant!  And you can ignore it and walk on by!

learn to meditate. depending on the person, this may take years, so be patient, dont be hard on yourself, and be happy that you are at least trying.and success will come.and you may fall, but always, always, get up again. jack

Dear bardichev - These are the things I do, sometimes one and at other times another, sometimes more than one:

* I always mutter "Hashem/Tatty help" He knows what I need and how to help me; then I ask Him to help me move on to whatever it is I was supposed to be doing when I got distracted by the goofy idea

*immediately daven for the person involved in a direct and clear way, for their benefit, not mine (then move on)

*ask Hashem ASAP, that whatever it is that I am truly seeking from that person/act, let me find it in You (then move on)

*get out of dodge - sometimes that is all I need to do - a change of venue

*make a phone call to any of the 15 people I can call and tell them exactly what it is I feel like doing (get the secret out)

*think through what the end result of what I am wanting would be, ie. what would I do after it'd be over? usually that's quite sobering and helps me let go for a minute - long enough to get back to whatever it is that I should have been doing in the first place

* in general, work the steps honestly and humbly, so my life is less painful, maybe even pleasant, and taavah is then less attractive to me on a gut level (not intellectually, this isn't about intellect)

For me, the most important thing is to never take credit for "beating" the Yetzer Hora. It is always Hashem deflecting it from me. I am not here to fight the YH, proff of that is my dismal failure in the endeavor x 15 years+, as I say every day in Os Yashir: "Hashem Ish Milchama" - only Hashem.

PS. I also remember that no matter how sick, weird, or extreme the taava is, I never feel bad about it, as I know I am an addict and that is what adicts do - they have these hardwired problems, but I have not had to act out on them in 11 years as the result of Hashems 100% help. BH, I have been helped by program/program peolpe, to take off the boxing gloves and get out of his way.

Dov, you're a powerhouse.  Your experience and advice is pure gold.  Thank you.

Most Online Today: 221. Most Online Ever: 227 (May 17, 2009, 10:46:26 PM)

what a kiddush hashem!!!!

Bardichev,

I don't know if I understood you 100% but if you are where I am, I hear you. The road is getting bumpy indeed.
You see, a couple of weeks ago I wrote you that I was just doing great, with no desires etc. I certainly was doing beatifully, and I felt that I was the greatest Gibor since Yosef haTzaddik, that I was purifying the world, that I had a neshama d'atzilus and other nonsense. In truth, it was just Hashem that was holding me and helping (remeber baLetaher....). That was stage I.  We graduated from stage I and most definetely should feel proud of our accomplishments.  But now stage II comes.  As Guard has written somewhere in this site, it is as if, kivyachol, Hashem is now removing the "training wheals" to see how far we can go ON OUR OWN EFFORTS. It is during stage II that that everything that we do really counts and it is the work that we do during this stage that will propel us to the final graduation. I don't think there is stage III (but I will defer to Guard for the final word on this).

It is now, when I walk down the avenue, that the most magnificent female creatures are appearing in the periphery of my vision and it is almost physically painful not to look, but I am still holding great. Today I had to call a certain frum place and against my efforts, the secreatary with a most pleasant voice decided for whatever reason to flirt with me on the phone, and so it goes. What keeps me strong is the knowledge that everytime I turn my head, close my eyes and push my thoughs, Hashem derives more pleasure than anything else I could do in this word. Forget about the olam haba, forget about Gehenom chas v'shalom, forget about being a Tzadiik or otherwhise. Just consider (as discussed at lenght in the Sefer Hatanya, chapter 27 that I quoted in another post) of how much nachas ruach is Hashem deriving from our actions, and think also (as discussed in the post to Ykv Schwarrz regarding the parsha Acharei) that a very bumpy road is the natural and expected part of our journey. As my Rebbe wrote, all these obstacles are there for a purpose. Once we overcome them, the obstacles are no longer needed and they disappear on their own.
Hatzlacha rabba.

What a holy soul you have, YosefYakov. You sure have a great attitude on this struggle!

day 62 B"H

there is a gemara in avoda zara 28 that the eyes are directly connected to your  heart!!

VTAHER LIBEINU LI-OVDECHA BE-MES
h&h
bardichev

YY
check out the rambam in hilchos teshuva ( think perek 3) you are a real; baal teshuva
yosefyakov wrote on 18 May 2009 23:26:

Hello all

TODAY IS YESOD SHEBIYSOD it is also Reb Shlomke Zhvillers ZT"L yartziet

Do this follow this link  print the picture hang it next to your computer or keep it in your wallet or now as the summer is here paste it to your dashboardhttp://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/RShlomo.asp

Zechuso Yagain Aleinu
It can only help!!!
humble&happy
bardichev