bardichev wrote on 31 Aug 2009 17:02:
Quote
If we do not learn to despise lust, meaning the animalistic actions that people so wontonly succumb to , then even if we are successful in 'building up' yiras shomayim and squashing it, who says we will be successful all the time? all one needs is a SINGLE downfall. It becomes unlikely that we will have a perfect record.
DESPISING LUST WOW!! THATS A TALL ORDER
ESPECIALLY FOR BOCHRIM WHO CAN NOT HANDLE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE LUSTING IN THE FIRST PLACE
A CLASSIC "TRICK" OF THE Y"H IS TO GET ONE "TOLOOK" AND THEN HIT HIM WITH ALL THE AVEIROS HE WAS OIVER.
I THINK THAT ONE NEEDS TO TAKE A COOLER AND CALMER APPROSCH
BECAUSE YOU CAN DESPISE LUST UNTIL..UNTIL.. THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEEEL THE URGE TO LUST
ARE YOU CRAZY DO YOU THINK YOUR MIND IS GONNA TELL YOUR HEART HEY! I AM IN MIDDLE OF DESPISING YOU
BUDDY ID DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY
WE NEED TO COMMUNICATE ESPECIALLY TO OUR YOUNG BOYS AND GIRLS THAT THE FEELINGS THAT THEY FEEL AND THE URGES THEY HAVE ARE 1000% NORMAL
NOW THESE "NORMAL" FEELINGS NEED TO HAVE "NORMAL" REACTIONS.
AND THAT IS HOW YOU DEVELOPE "NORMAL" BEHAVOIR PATTERNS
IF A BOCHUR TELLS HIS REBBE HE HAS A PROBLEM RIRDING THE CITY BUS BECAUSE HIS EYES ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE
AND HIS REBBE TELL HIM OMG WHAAAT DID YOU SAY YOU LITTLE DUDDING MENUVAL ETC ETC ETC
YOU CAN BET WE WILL HAVE A LITTLE BUDDING MENUVAL
BUT.. BUT.. IF THE REBBE LIKE SOMEONE MENTIONED HERE ( I HAD SUCH A REBBE) SAYS TZADDIK DON'T FEEL TOO BAD
I ALSO STRUGGLE IN THIS AREA EVERYONE DOES AND I WILL GIVE YOU "EITZOS" HOW DO CONTROL AND BALANCE
THAE BOOM! ANOTHER NORMAL PERSON JUST ENTERED SOCIETY
MY TWO KOPEKS
bardichev
Dear Mr. B.
I meant to elaborate on the despising lusting bit. Eye.nonomous prompted me about it on his thread, and I'm copying it here, since kutan does not have a thread yet (maybe for the Bar Mitzva)
To clarify. Despising lust is silly. Hashem made it, we need it, as the Anshei kneses hagdola found out with their great experiment (no chicken eggs...)
But lusting is something else. Its giving in to the mida, where you are not in control.
That CAN be despised, and a person CAN develop a ratzon to not do that.
A half year ago, I would have told myself, your crazy man, can't change the biology built into man.
But Guru Guard came along and taught me differently.
Now, this is not to say that the instinct of lust does not show up in the person when confronted with a nisayon. and it is not to say that if the person is feeling down at that moment, that the urge to give into the lust and start 'lusting' will not surface. And, at that time, like you noted above, it would be fool hardy to say to one's self, this is disgusting, when the lower self is screaming the opposite. At that time, we need hand-to-hand eitzos (which you will fill in, IYH, when you get a chance).
But beforehand, not b'shas the nisayon, a person can develop a understanding and clarity that lusting is silly and ugly, in gashmius (not focusing now on the ruchnius, but simply in terms of Olem Hazeh considerations).
For more on this idea it is VERY worthwhile to listen to the following shiur:
http://rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=402.0 see post number four there.
And then we change our actual ratzon, meaning we change things we like. and then most of the time, we are HAPPY not to be lusting, and it is not a struggle.
Eye.N... asked me to record the things that made me despise lusting:
The following is copied from his thread.
I realized that this is not so easy.
it was not just one point, but the waxing of many things I've seen on the site/handbooks/the-world-out-there (where we have to go, in between logging onto GYE) that came together.
That said, here goes.
Have you ever been to a kidush after shachris? Where I daven, Hashem should bless them, there is a takana that only cake and soda (and woodford). Nothing else. But, I'm talking about a kidush with oily, brown, potato kugel.
Well, it seems people like it. In fact, I never understood why the caterer serves lukshen kugel too, since everyone goes for the potato. In my older age, I realized that it is for the baal simcha... so that they don't complain about the amount of food...
'Hey, how come you served so little, for all the money you took" Huh
"huh? Little? Come on... look at all the lukshen kugle left over" Grin
Roll Eyes
Anyway, did you ever see someone who just HAD to get a piece? (or two or three or four). You probably seen it... the guy lunging for a peice, with that look on his face... Shocked
Well, I've seen it more than once.
Since we are all anonymous, I'll say that I think I might have even been that fellow, once upon a time.
That is called ' lusting ' .
The kugel is mutar.
The guy heard kidush. On wine. Full cup. using a real kos, not paper. B'makom seuda (had 3 pcs of cake).
But its disgusting.
its piggish.
oink oink.
I've been zoche to see real live curly-tails run after food, so I can be may'id.
Its piggish.
That's REASON #1.
Coming tomorrow... iyh
REASON #2
(preview...
it doesn't stop
)
humble and happy,
kutan
