This moshol bears repeating and I have told it over many times, may Hashem help me remember when I need it! I usually tell it over to guys who express frustration w/the program and it seems they may be "working the steps" too rigidly, too slowly, or writing too much for their own good. On the other hand, it is also gives freeing relief to some guys who look at the steps as some kind of "giant mountain" they could never climb, so they give up or procrastinate (forever). The steps are not a religion, not an "Ol" and clearly cannot work at all w/that attitude! Sure, it is uncomfortable to face the truth and may be hard to finally do what needs to be done, but it is never complicated.
My sponsor told me that if I'm working the program but still unhappy, I am probably not working it right! My Higher Power should actually be doing most of the actual work! My responsibility (to myself) is to simply work the steps in order to become willing to let Him remove my kin'ah, ta'ava, and kavod that lead me to alleh mishigassim and make life miserable. On the other hand, what a privelege it is to be sober even when the chips are down and I am feeling sad for some reason!
PS. For those interested in traditional AA stuff w/this approach, you may like the six CD series (or lttle AA book based on them), "A New Pair of Glasses" by Chuck C, an AA "elder". He was about 75 years old when he gave the original weekend series. Chuck clearly and repeatedly demonstrates through sharing his experience - not lecturing - principles like: admitting what my problem really is; knowing(not just having emunah - see RMBM) that G-d really is in charge of outcomes and learning what it means to actually live that way; understanding and accepting that G-d is truly and completely on our side unconditionally and forever; not taking myself too seriously and why humility makes self-pity very difficult; making peace w/the yesod that the whole point of life is: what I give and not what I get out of it; and other stuff basic to recovery. I cannot approach these yesodos as mitzvos/obligations at all, but as derech eretz: simple, enlightened self-interest. They are not madregahs for an addict, rather, they are a recovering addict's oxygen, the bottom line minimal requirments for functioning, as he explains. Living w/them makes staying sober possible. He has no religious agenda and, in fact, clarifies a difference between religion and the steps that I find helpful. Though he (annoyingly) mentions christian verses two or three times (having been raised that way), another frum guy has told me that the religious ideas he expresses there are apparently based on Torah. I skip that stuff because it doesn't feel right anyway..boundaries are a good thing...yeah, I know some people may take issue with me about this whole suggestion, but it helped me so I'm passing it along and sincerely hope no one is offended.
PS. For me, the ikkar of Torah and mitzvos come after the steps. In asimilar way, my wife has told me that she considers the day I got sober the best day in our lives, much better than our chasunah day, and the new start of our marriage. I myself, changed my name from a choser to a moleh spelling since starting to recover b'Eezras Hashem. Yes, a yid must try to be moser nefesh to do the Torah and mitzvos while he is still very, very ill. But once we are no longer regularly and naturally doing things that endanger his life, are chayav misah bidei shamayim, Kareis, are just plain nuts, etc., it seems to me that our responsibility - rather, ability - to keep the mitzvos is elevated because we are more awake. We probably never fully awaken, except for tzaddikim...
Similar to the RMB'Ns shittah regarding mitzvos in Chutz La'aretz. They of course apply there and are precious (and in some specific respects may be the most precious), but the ikkar kiyum of mitzvos is in Eretz Yisrael, he holds.
May Hashem help us care more about doing His will than ours and accept living His will with a whole heart!
PPS. BTW, Yes, Yiddishkeit Is an "Ol", yoke. But remember, Hashem healed all of us completely before he gave us the Torah. He then put the mountain over us to send the message that it is an "Ol" that needs to be accepted. It was important that we were no longer "sick" at the time of taking on such a responsibility.
