Hi guys, I've had a long and difficult journey and I look forward to sharing my story on this forum. I look forward to getting some engagement and connecting with fellow travelers. For the purposes of this first post I'll keep it short and give a brief synopsis of my journey.

I've struggled with Masturbation and porn use for as long as I can remember. I felt like matters were pretty much under control up to and including the time when I got engaged at the age of 20. I was excited about the fact that I did not engage in any shameful behaviors throughout the course of my 5 month engagement. When I got married I was hopeful that my struggles were all in the rear view mirror. Within 3-6 months after I got married I gradually fell back to my old ways. After about 4 years of struggling I joined GYE and was proud of the fact that I was able to achieve 6 months clean. When I fell, I felt hopeless that I could do this again. Not too long afterward I was introduced to my local SA fellowship.

I threw myself into the 12 step world, and after some initial struggle, I found myself with 6 months of sobriety. Then I fell again. I kept trying and was having some success, but there was a problem. My wife was completely in the dark about all of this. At that point in time she had no idea that this was a serious struggle in my life, or that I had ever struggled at all. The members of the fellowship encouraged me to come clean with my wife so that I wouldn't have to keep sneaking around to attend meetings. I did not have the courage to do that, and I was advised not to by a mentor. Then she found out, it was inevitable, At the time I was probable 30-45 days clean. She was shocked and traumatized. Although I tried making the case that this was a good resource for me and that I was doing well, she could not come to terms with me being a part of the fellowship. With the guidance of my mentor I left the fellowship. This was about 3 years ago.

Since then I've had on and off struggles. For a while I tried to keep in touch with some of the members of the fellowship but with time that gradually stopped. For the last year I've been consistently struggling and I'm sick and tired of it. The impacts it has on my emotional wellbeing, my relationships with my wife and kids, as well as my general productivity are too much for me to continue to deal with. I know that I have the power to make better choices. I know that I can build a network of people who I can be accountable to and who will support me on this journey. Today I am taking the first step on this journey. I created a new GYE account today and I am ready for a fresh start. 

Optimistic cheetah

Shalom Brother and welcome back,

I'm sorry to read about your difficult past and hope that you find the connection and growth you seek this time around.

Please be in touch if you'd like to.

Hatzlacha and Kol Tov

Welcome back to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight. Some of them you may be familiar with, some may be new.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle.


There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com

Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

That is a really rough story, I feel for you.

I'm in zero position to give marraige advice so I'll just have to settle with giving people advice between 2 people who happened to be married.......

If your wife is somewhat farmiliar with your struggle at this point why don't you sit down in a nice park or resturant and have a real heart to heart conversation about rejoining SA? Explain to her fully what it's about and that both of your lives will be drastically better if you are doing the work.You can also get her Rabbi Twerski's book "Teshuva Through Recovery" it will defenitly help open her up to you attending meatings. His book will explain to her that the 12 steps are essentially a mussar program and will turn you into a better, more thoughtful and loveable person aside from helping you stop acting out. If she apposes it due to resons related to Yiddishkeit you can have Rabbanim speak to her about it.
Hope this was helpful, but if it wasn't feel free to copy all of the above on a peice of scrap paper and burn it at the steak....it helps with frustration trust me.........

optimisticcheetah wrote on 19 Feb 2025 19:28:

It sounds like you have a lot to be proud of.  I hope that the chevra here can help you get rid of the shame and see yourself in the positive light.  

Welcome brother to our family! You're one tough warrior that's going to overcome this beast. With the help of friends and honest hard work, it's doable for almost everyone. I'm personally familiar with a few people that went to SA and weren't successful, but with the help of friends here are well on the way to recovery. What works for one guy, may not work for the other. Don't be discouraged by previous failures. There's some very powerful tools here on these forums, the most powerful one being that of genuine friendship. Although the barrier of shame is somewhat broken in SA, some people find that they connect much deeper to the guys here, they find people that "talk their language" in a much deeper and more meaningful way. It's less official, but more meaningful. I know that the reverse might be true as well, sometimes the key to someone's recovery might be Davka in SA, but in my limited experience, I've seen more of the former than the latter. 

You've taken a remarkable first step in making those relationship happen by putting up that first post. Please follow it up with more, and we'll embrace you as one of the guys. The road traveled is made so much easier with friends holding your hand Looking forward to hearing more from you, and Hatzlacha Rabbah on your journey!

You’re in a tough spot mate. But mucho Shkoyach for all of your efforts thus far. 6 months is dang impressive! Sounds like you have some impressive streaks of sobriety! Wishing you much continued hatzlacha

Welcome, dear brother! 
Stick around, learn the ropes, read, ask, listen, and the main thing: Get to know the guys! You have a lot of success to be proud of, and beH by making the right connections here, you'll find the way up.
If you want, you can email me at the email in my signature. It'll be my pleasure to make your acquaintance

Welcome dear brother,!!! Can't wait to get to know you sounds like youv really put in a lot of effort in this fight.  We're here to support you (you never know who's supporting who):wink:and give you a emphasizing ear.Make friendships it's the name of the game.           #hashemneedseveryyid!!
         Much hazlacha keep in touch

Just checking in here, It's been nice to get some positive feedback here, I appreciate it. Since I made my first post I've reached out to some supportive people in recovery who have been amazing and helpful. I look forward to continue to use this platform as a journal to document this journey. I feel like I'm on the right track and I'm extremely motivated to keep going. Until next time.



Optimistic Cheetah

Hello Optimistic, 

Welcome to this wonderful fellowship GYE. 
Together we help Yiden that were unsuccessful trying other things, yiden that gave up, or still fighting. 
I will tell you clearly, if you ready to fight with blood sweat and tears, you will win this!

I want to address something.  Not everyone who masturbates 1-2 a year has a masturbation problem. Just like someone who drink 1-2 a year (or a month) is an alcoholic. I think someone who can consistently control their urges for months and is progressing slowly to be on the right path. 
None of us will ever be completely empty of lust. I dont think its possible. Of course we can go long stretches of time without lusting but its still with us. 
What needs to change is 2 things. 
1. Your brain and your nervous system need to learn how to 'easily' move on from seeing or feeling a lusting feeling. Instead of getting stuck on the lust or trying to fight it. 
Once you get to that stage it become much easier as you are not using so much energy. 
2. Meanwhile you need to stop feeding the beast. Its impossible to improve if you are actively inputting more garbage into your system. By watching P or even not fully kosher movies, or by looking on the street or anywhere else. By actively fantasizing, you are making its harder for your future self. You will need to un-feel those feeling and un-see those sights. No getting around it.  

So stick around, post, read, learn, work, fight, live, grow, heal. 

Good luck

ChancyHK

Could someone let me know where to find fully kosher movies???!!???

TYH for another clean day. I don't take a single sober day for granted. Before I joined SA I was always motivated to quit because I knew that my acting out was wrong and I was ashamed of my actions. Joining SA and working with a sponsor really opened my eyes to the extent of just how messed up my entire system was when I was consistently using acting out to cope with life and escape without dealing with the normal challenges of life. I was shocked by what a positive impact being clean and sober had on my entire wellbeing, my relationships, and my general productivity. I had always thought that my behavior was just a naughty outlet, not a virus in my operating system that hijacked my ability to just be a normal person. 
The sad part is that anyone who is familiar with addiction ( or even compulsive behavior) is that knowledge alone is not enough. So for the last few years not only was I acting out on a consistent basis, I did so in spite of being acutely aware of how damaging it was to me, not to mention the shame  guilt, and loneliness it caused. 
I am grateful to Hashem for putting me on what feels like a good path. I didn't have an easy day yesterday, but I davened to hashem to give me the strength to deal with some challenges at home and I'm grateful that I did not take any actions of lust, or do anything I'm ashamed of in the last 24 hours. I pray that he will continue to give me the strength to have another good clean day, one day at a time.

Optimistic Cheetah

Check out koshervids.com Watch every single video of his.