I just wanted to check in to say everything's going good here. i only have a few more weeks until i leave for israel so i suppose things will get a little crazy in the near future but for now, i'm working on keeping my focus and discipline in general.

i've also started to think more while reading other people's threads and when i internalize other's openness and honesty, its such an inspiration and knowing that i'm surrounded by yiddin with these attributes is amazing!

Day 1 as always.

Glad to hear things are good by you - keep on looking forward and moving forward, and growing! What a great way to prepare for your year in the holy land!

Good luck in Israel. If you know what the term "whiteknuckelling" is does your title represent that?

SB- thanks for your comments as always. you dont know how much they help.

Holy Yid- i assume youre talking about the title of my thread? i just kinda made it up when i moved to the "Wall of Honor Section" but i just thought more of the alliteration than an idea behind it  :o. but hopefully i'm not trying to employ the "white knuckling" strategy. just trying to live for today.

my shabbos went well (as i hope it did for others). this upcoming week is my last week with friends so i'll be kept busy working and trying to get together with friends. hopefully, with focus, thing's will keep rolling along as elul begins.

day 1 as always.

right now, i'm doing good. i just had an great phone conversation with Chazak Amenu (who BH is doing good although he's not on the forums anymore ) and i have been listening to a few shiurim on naaleh.com (a website i definitely recommend). i guess the only problem is that i fell earlier today. i put up one of my best fights, but in the end, i didnt give the fight over to Hashem and trying to fight this battle alone obviously doesnt do me any good.

and now, posting on the forum of yet another fall, i've been having interesting thoughts. if i was any other member on the forum looking at how this "Shlomo" has progressed, i would certainly encourage him to keep moving forward and dust himself off. but in reality (though i dont think this of other members, maybe i'm just being harsh on myself), i'd wonder what this guys deal is. its been 7 months since he joined yet he still struggles to put double-digit streaks together. its weird thinking like this but trying to give myself that outsider's perspective is helping me to try and (slowly) change. i've mentioned discipline and focus in the past and now i'm continuing my struggle with these attributes as well. from this 3rd person perspective, it give me a new way to look at this battle, and in a weird way takes away some of the isolation, as it shows me that i need to connect with others to s
ucceed.

i hope everyone's rosh chodesh is inspirational and we can all ride through elul with Hashem's help.

Day 1 as always.

That's a good idea - I like it!

I know for myself that if I'm fighting head-to-head with this temptation, I'm on a rocky, slippery path to losing. There have been times when I've won, but the best route is to change direction, somehow walk away. Physically, mentally, etc.

And keep in mind that this is not a short-term battle of a few months, or even a few years. You're working to lay the framework for a healthy, holy life.

Shalom aleichem.

its been 4 months since I've been on the forums. I'd say things have improved, but are not great.

I suppose a little background would be nice.

I'm currently taking a year off and I'm in yeshivah now. I'm learning much more than I thought I could and I'm feeling amazing about yiddishkeit in general. I'd say that this area is the only area that has persisted. Things have gotten better, i.e. I have put together good streaks but fall every 2 weeks or so. I've won battles but also lost many. I want to think that this improvement is due to my own work, but I think it may be simply because I'm in yeshivah and in israel. I couldn't safely say that I'd be the same in college. I'd definitely still fight but I the challenges would be greater and more frequent.

From here I've thought about two courses of action.
1) Truly work on developing my middos (through mussar and meditation etc.), not just riding by and hoping the problem will solve itself.
2) Tell my rebbi in yeshiva, who happens to be the rosh yeshivah.

#2 is probably only going to happen if I cannot put together a decent streak and if #1 does not happen fast enough (I.e. Ill probably give it a month). Now that I have the time to really work on who I am as a person, I hope this is not just an empty gameplan. B'ezras hashem ill be able to report back frequently and with good news.

Any comments or chizuk is greatly appreciated.

i would reccomend talking to rebbe! i did, greatest thing ever. hatzlacha.

First of all, great to hear from you!

Mussar and working on middos are always good ideas  - we rarely improve suddenly without hard work 

And if that works for you, well, awesome!

However, I've found that working on this area in particular can be difficult using conventional methods. For this, you need to (sorry, nike) just do it. Watch your eyes. Live one day at a time. Enjoy being clean.

silentbattle wrote on 22 Dec 2010 07:01:


Yep, the conventional methods don't really work for us.  Just look how long we've been trying to use them, and how far it has gotten us!

--Eye.