just some updates since this afternoon:
i've added 3 posts  ;D but most importantly, i joined an accountability group (#7) and i feel like i'm riding high, despite my low earlier.

and you guys are all right and i'll certainly post more often and try to share the love and give other people chizuk.

and silentbattle, i'm about 2/3 of the way through the windows of the soul packet and i'm also working my way through the attitude handbook.

like the email said when i first started my 90 day journey, today is the first day of the rest of my life

You've got a good head on your shoulders. Most teenagers are stubborn and stuck up but you, you my friend have Seichel.

Don't know about most teenagers, but I certainly agree with Yiddle, that you've got some serious seichel going on.

Fantastic - try the different stuff in the handbooks, and see what works for you - and share with us, give us your suggestions!

Riding high is good, and remember how you feel - there might be times when you feel low, and things are tough, and you'll want to look back at your feeling right now, and remember that this is the true feeling of being close to hashem, and accomplishing your purpose in life!

Rock on!

hey Shlomo

I'm also Chabad, and i can deffinetly relate to what you said about tanya being inspiring. Learn the current chitas chapters, 19, 20 -  26
all about the ahava mesuters, extremely powerful!

I can really relate to what u said about, not being able to go a long amount of time, and in a way, I think that its a massive shtus, to want to go for too long of a time, e.g. 90 days, you'll fail before u start, try something a bit less, like a week, and then a week and a half etc. the reason why we start lighting the menora with one light, and not all of them is to teach us, that when we're increasing in kedusha, we shouldn't grab everything at once (90 days or even 70 days) but we should start with something more attainable, so forget about 90 days for now, focus on a week and a half. Just a suggestion.

I was gonna start my own post today, but I've done that too many times, so i thought that people would get pissed off if i did that.
So ill just say it here.

Currently I'm in college, doing a course in web development. Ive been having a really hard time the past week, I've slipped up every single day, which is pretty rare for me, its extremely hard to break the cycle.

So like i said , being that I sit in front of a screen all day, alot of the time in college with a minaminly monitored internet, It makes it so much easier to slip up there.

I'll give u an example, today, I came in to do some work in the library, I'm from australia, so were in holidays now, not many people are in the library, and theyve got a pretty big computer lab. I sat doen to do work, and I said to myself, NOOOO, I'm not going to slip up today.

So i got ready to work, and I thought to myself, Oh, I'll just check out one website, and then another,I tried stopping myself to just get back to work. But i'm so tired, and was feeling really lazy, so before i knew it, i was on youtube, and yeh.......

I'm feeling really annoyed, and am laccking the koyach to continue, coz every day I tell myself, I'm not gonna slip up today, and I never seem to be able to keep it up. It's extremely frustrating.

Help needed please!!!!!

I think contained within your post lies your answer for help: taking things in small chunks. I remember reading a Shel Silverstein poem when I was younger about a girl who told everyone he wanted to eat a whale. She started out real young, just taking her time but lo and behold over time, she made progress and she eventually finished eating the whale. Obviously, this is a poem for little kids and is not to be taken literally but the key is to just take things slow, whether it's a week, a day or even an afternoon at a time. Remember that every battle we win against out Y"H is a huge victory and brings chizuk to every battle afterwords.

Keep fightin' and I'm sure we'll hear back really soon with good news.  

i'M SICK of the owrds, keep fighting, Way too open ended mate.

Gimee some meaning there.

Shlomo - gotta love Shel Silverstein! I just got two of his books!

Net - No one's gonna get upset, but why not stick to one thread, that way we can all follow your journey?

There are times when we fall, and that's the thing about falling - it's hard to stop in the middle. But you can.

Plan things out beforehand - once you're in front of the computer, it's almost impossible to fight the urge. You need to have a plan of action, the more specific the better. So decide how long you'll be on the computer, and stick to it no matter what. Have a plan of what you'll do if you start feeling urges. Maybe getting up and going for a walk.

As for "keep fighting" - yeah, it's open ended. It's saying that no matter how down we feel, no matter how beaten and discouraged we might be, we need to keep things going. The fight is never over. The yetzer hora tells you that you've fallen, you're in a rut - laugh at him, and tell him you know he's lying. You can get up right now - and you know how great you'll feel if/when you do!

Looking forward to reading more of your threads - maybe ask guard to merge all your old threads, if you have that many?

Shavuah Tov Everyone! 

5 Days clean and i've feeling great. I had my midterms this past week (my last major high school tests woohoo!!  ;D) and in the past, i've fallen multiple times during big test weeks because i have so much free time to study. Luckily, i didnt even slip! I think one thing that got me through this past week, for both midterms and with shemiras einayim, was being b'simcha. I didnt worry about my tests too much and i also ignored my Y"H to a point where a stray, impure thought rarely entered my mind.

also joining, and being an active member in an accountability group has also helped a lot. although i'm working my way to 90 days and that is my eventual goal, i'm happy to say i'm half way to my small goal of 10 days.

shavuah tov. 

Thats great Shlomo,

You have a great method there to make shirt goals. The eventual goal is to make evn smaller goals of say... 1 day at a time but for now this is good. Give yourself a reward if/when you make this short term goal.

-Yiddle

That's fantastic! Remember, one day at a time, because every single day, every hour, minute - even every second, is incredibly valuable, and worth celebrating!

It's amazing that you passed such a difficult time and succeeded - may your success continue!

i wish i had taken everyone's advice posted within the past day. i forgot to focus on the moment-to-moment concept and i fell. almost 6 days, but i fell. i'm trying now to rectify this (tzedakah, tikkun haklali etc.) and i guess i'll see where things go from here.

i know my biggest problem is finding the inspiration to stop the slip/fall before it happens and i think i've almost reached the critical point where results will come. and because i know that finding this inspiration is virtually impossible to do once i've taken that first step, i've been trying to set up barriers to make sure that first step cant even be taken.

here's a list of what i have set up so far, and if you guys have any tips to add on or anything else i could be doing, it would be much appreciated:
-K9 set up on my computer with the password given to the GUE-Gabbai
-internet disabled on my ipod touch (which i mainly use for tanya/tanach study)
-studied and review laws of the bathroom

if you guys have any other tips, especially regarding creating "fences", it would be much appreciated.

i'll work my hardest day to day, and especially moment to moment to make you guys and Hashem proud.

The important thing is to get up and keep moving on. Then you can give tzedakka, etc. Remember that 6 days is an incredible victory, worth being proud of, and that you're learning from your fall, which is the most important thing!

It sounds like you've already taken some great steps - remember that the idea of one day at a time is to make things manageable. When the yetzer hora shows up, and he makes it seem like we need this pleasure NOW...we can tell him, "just another hour, just another few minutes" - and then run out and get busy with something else.

Have someone to call, whether it's someone from the forum, or even just a friend (who might not know about your struggle, but can help you feel less alone).

Talk about your struggles here, examine your issues, discuss what makes you take those first steps...look at this like a battle, study the strategy that the enemy uses, and plan for the future. Imagine yourself faced with whatever challenges usually take you down the road of slipping, and picture yourself getting up and leaving the room - going for a jog, reading a book, playing guitar, whatever. Picture this again and again, until that's your natural response to that situation!

You are incredible! Always remember that, and feel proud of your victories!

silentbattle- you are such a great resource. your ideas are extremely helpful and i really appreciate your help. i've done some introspection, figured out that i could still use more help in regard to time management and i've already started researching strategies to fix this problem. once again, thanks for your great suggests 

Shlomo,

You are a huge inspiration and I am very impressed at your maturity. For one thing, you have chosen to be more religious than your family even while going to a secular school. I know how hard that can be, given that my family is completely non-religious and I had to go through hell before I found Yiddishkeit and have only comparatively recently begun to tackle my issues in a serious way. You are getting a head start on all of this and you deserve praise for that.

I also have only recently found GYE and I have a genuine feeling that this is exactly what I need to put an end to this porn nonsense once and for all. The people here are spectacular. So I guess I'll just add my voice to theirs and say I'm rooting for you and I hope GYE is what you need to tip the balance.

The greatest and most important rectifications are a) get up off the floor, b) try to see what went wrong, and if there's anything you can do to ensure that this does not happen again.
It looks like you took care of all that already, so your doing pretty good.


You hit the nail on the head. Once we get that injection from the Y"H - there's very little we can do. Our minds and hearts simply stop functioning properly. Almost all our work is on avoiding the moment of temptation. That takes humility, because it implies that we are too weak to stand up to something seemingly very silly. But ultimately it is precisely humility which allows us to heal.

Your doing really great, keep it up!!