JUST AS A NOTE- I MOVED THIS TOPIC FROM "BREAK FREE" (it used to be called "Helping a Teen")

SB- great thought. i've never considered looking at learning that way. thats a great way to consider it. i'll have to start thinking like that from now on.

Jamie- i really like the dog thought (though i dunno if i could starve a dog  :-[ ;D). but yup my yeshivah is in israel.

but just as a note about the yeshiva, my college is giving me trouble with the deferral so i'm not 100% sure i can still go. i'll hear back by the end of the week so if anyone wants to say Tehillim, have  in mind that i am able to study in israel! Todah!

as an update, i've done some thinking and i've decided to restart my count. my close-call recently is far to close to the fall-line and i think only through honesty will i make it to 90 days. so i guess that makes today day 1. but today has gone great. i got to chat with Chazak Amenu twice (still chatting now ) and he's really helped me thus far in this battle. and for the first time, i've been able to go outside like i used to when i was a kid and just run around with a baseball and ride a bike around my neighborhood. i hope everyone else's day went great!

day 1: moved to the wall of honor, hopefully i'll be able to live up to my new-found home.

day 1 as always

Good for you! i played baseball with my cousin when he came over and the ball kept hitting my palm and the glove did not help to much so after my palm was vibrating and red. i will keep you in mind with my tehillim! keep it up!

Will definatly say tehillim for you and daven.

maybe you do some hitbodedut, literally argue your case for wanting to go to the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, THE MAKER OF THE WORLD WHO CAN CHANGE AND INFLUENCE EVERYTHING!!

Good luck mate!

Definitely davening for you...always a good idea to tell people that you're moving...otherwise some of us might not know...

These are thoughts that we can work on - we're not perfect, but it can help us focus. Another thing I find helps is reminding myself, during a long seder, that I enjoy learning, and that it's a privilege to learn - that helps me enjoy it even more, and stay positive.

Keep on rocking!

Shlomo wrote on 02 Jun 2010 01:00:

Actually, it's easier for me to daven that both you AND ALL THE REST OF US STUCK HERE IN CHUTZ LA'ARETZ be able to study in Israel. And heck, let's go for it-- to study Torah in Israel under Moshiach Tzidkeinu!

[why should YOU be the only one to have all the fun, anyhow? I'll daven IY'H for all of us. You included. OK?]

CA, SB, Jamie and Briut- thanks for davening for me. No news yet but i trust that whatever happens, He knows whats best for me. I just hope that includes Israel

today was rather uneventful with shemiras einayim and i guess life overall. just a low-key day. hopefully things went well with everyone else! and also, if anyone is ever up for a chat, my gmail is shlomomendel7@gmail.com . anytime....

day 2

day 1 as always

well, another day passed. today was again a successful day with shemiras einayim, though once again, rather uneventful. i actually had my second beatboxing performance today, albeit for about 150 middle schoolers at my school  :o 8) but i guess at this point, i'll take anything i can get. still no news about the deferral but if i dont get anything in the mail tomorrow, i'm going to call up my college and try and glean  some information from 'em.
i have done a little bit of thinking. for me, the past three days have gone really well. i know its not because "i've found the one thing that will now let me get to 90 days". i've learned to overcome that rather complacent, almost naive mindset. but i think the difference is just trying to be as completely transparent and honest about the prior slip/fall. its rather obvious but the "rigorous honesty" mentioned in the 90 day chart rules is a key ingredient to make this work out. just an observation.

day 3

day 1 as always

i hope everyones shabbos went well. i know this is the last thing i wanted to be posting, but i fell before shabbos yesterday. to be honest, it seems like it was just stupid circumstances that could have been avoided. and i dunno if this is me trying to lighten the load/guilt, but i think part of it might just be a build-up of stress surrounding my ability to study in israel. my college said i would hear almost two weeks ago and for whatever reason, they keep telling me that i should hear soon (i.e. tomorrow, the end of the week etc.) and deadlines arent being met. i keep davening that i should be able to study but regardless, the stress of not knowing has been chipping away at me. but i guess i still just wait...

on a lighter note, i should be receiving an artscroll (yad avraham) mishnah book of Berachos in the mail, and i'm very excited for this opportunity to learn.

day 1: back to basics

Keep it up Shlomo! don't get down (WOW HYPOCRISY AT ITS FINEST  :o ) keep your head up, after all as you yourself have said no news is good news! you still don't know if you are going or not, so don't act as if you they have said no, assume they said yes! you are not the only person who is going to your college after a year abroad! keep it up (well we already know your up height wise but i am talking attitude wise as well!)  Shlomo!

I hope things work out, and I'm glad to hear that you're back on your feet - what did you learn, and what can you do differently?

Sometimes, it helps to remind yourself that even if in the past, we responded to stress by acting out, that doesn't have to be our response...

after doing some hisbodedus and also thinking about what i can do now i've realized one major thing about how I (and maybe others) react following a fall. i find that it always seems like i fall after doing something that was involved deeply in yiddishkeit (whether going to shacharis and receiving an aliyah or after a good mishnah study session etc.) Essentially, i feel like the fall counteracts the kedushah. also, it seems like i try and do teshuvah to show Hashem that I'm sorry for what i did and also in hope's of being able to make it to 90 on my next attempt.

so for however long my teshuvah and introspection lasts, i try to bring extra kedushah into my life, in hope's of dispelling the aveirah with its antithesis. but, to be completely honest, it seems this introspection and kedushah that i try to bring into my life is only there until i feel like i've done enough to fix the previous "bump in the road". but then, whether its days or weeks later, i'll fall again and repeat the process, a tad confused.

but i was chatting with a rabbi, and he said "Teshuvah removes you from the old Aveirah, it doesn't prevent you from not wanting/doing it again." so after doing some thing, i've realized that the best way to fight this battle is using kedushah. in physical terms, i have to do my best to maintain a constant stream
of kedushah to keep going. its not enough just to try and cram kedushah into my life after a fall, but i need to make sure that it is maintained. i have to work so that "one mitzvah leads to another mitzvah" so that i can try to keep a streak going, as the only way to win this battle is to keep my mind active, especially with holy thoughts.

and another point i want to make is just that it seems like many of us on the forum on post these long ideas of strategies and introspection after a fall. we just have to stay inspired throughout to be able to share our ideas with others.

Thanks for reading this encyclopedia-of-a-post.

Well said...another way of putting that, I think, is that we need to make sure that we're living life, not just avoiding Lust.

When we're moving forward, and feelign fulfilled, we have less reason to turn to Lust, and more reason to avoid it - because we don't want to give up the happiness we have. A year ago, I was willing to walk in manhattan with a girl (very clearly not dressed for a shidduch date), because a part of me felt that i didn't have a lot to lose. As I got clean, I had more and more of value in my life to lose. Now, that's as far as people finding out, public image, etc. But I think that the same holds true on a deeper, personal level.

its weird to have a day without a post  :-\. i just had a very busy day yesterday. i went to shacharis, recorded some beatboxing for my senior project, babysat for 5.5 hours. long, long day. but still everything feels good. still no news about the yeshivah, but i've been waiting for two and a half weeks....so whats another month or two  ;D. i just received the Berachos Mishnah book in the mail, so thats a nice new activity to keep me occupied. other than that, no news is good news!

Day 4: back on the chart

Day 1 as always 

go out with your family on day 100 no need to tell them why...tell them you are celebrating life!

a little early to say it...but i am impatient, also i miscalculated, i thought by the 100th day you would still be here, not sure why does not make a whole lot of sense but i thought it would be added incentive to stay clean...doesn't matter you can have dinner over the phone. :D keep it up, and regardless of what i say one day at a time!