Its erev pessach 5784 (2024)and all I can wish myself is to live a life of True Cheirus.
My hope and prayers are to reach 90 and beyond and to live a productive life.
I want to be a better Yid, father, husband and businessman.
My addiction and struggles are here to destroy me and depress me. I may not give in.  
I have added some extra personal rules to the basic Gye rules which would be considered for me as a fall.
Yes I'm machmir, because I have to avoid my triggers that lead me to fall.
Hashem, I beg you, please give me the koach, moach and the means to do what's right and what's needed in order for me to heal myself.
I must not be ashamed to seek help.

Just to be clear, according to Gye watching porn or masturbation are considered a fall.
I have seen that for me its the triggers that lead to P&M, therefore I set up a list of triggers to avoid.
If I fall with my new rules I consider it a fall. Otherwise its a waste of time. 

A slip will be on my own rules and a fall would be for P&M
Slipped, back to 0

Pessach was great.
Had time to daven, learn and spend time with my family.

Working on my anger, its causing me to feel depressed.

oh yeah, anger is a big one - well for me, anyway.  In the heat of the moment everything fades into the background.. and the sweet bliss of anger takes over!

And then of course there's the low grade, everyday anger. Smouldering away, just waiting.

Doesnt feel like a regular addicition like porn/mast'n but i think maybe it is?

5770 wrote on 07 May 2024 00:16:

Ah sweet sweet anger thy name is well thy name is actually anger so let’s call a spade a spade for those of us who live life with a smoldering rage living beneath the surface, anger is the be all and end all of everything even when you’re not actively angry everyone thinks you’re angry, life lived to its fullest

Its 3 days to Shavuot
Started to count again

Its 90 days to rosh hashana
I hope it will give me a push

Day 1

Day 4
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