Hello,

I was not going to try for 90 days now. Over yamim noraim I was mekabel just an hour a day to be careful - a machsom l'aynayim. I thought that was where I was holding and it was something I could build real growth on. However, when I heard over yom tov what happened in E"Y I decided I could do more klal yisroel. So here I go for 90 days whatever it takes.
I'm going to try hard to check in daily as I think it'll be really helpful.
It's a good time to start because with all the yom tov I kinda shook loose of some unhelpful habits. On the other hand, I'm glued to my computer following the news so not so great. I wish I could backdate this streak to before Rosh Hashana but alas it was interrupted...

Agav, is there a way to turn off email notifications? The reason I fell off the 90 day chart the first time (a truly disturbing amount of days ago) was because I kept getting encouraging emails to an email my wife has access to...

Hatzlacha Rabba! 
Remember that it's not only about the streak, it's the fight you put up that Hashem has the most pleasure from.

You got this my guy!! Win the war for us one day at a time. Not sure about the emails, but you can always just post the number daily on here instead of using the chart

Thanks ainshumyeiush!
Good tip about not using the chart but it's satisfying to see the number go up like that.

Daily check in.
Some really strong old habits kicking in at work. Procrastinating on some boring/unpleasant tasks leading to wanting to surf the web. The situation in Israel is helping with that because instead of surfing I'm just checking the news nonstop. But still not a good habit. I really need to just stay focused.
Speaking of the news, I noticed something the other day that was a little scary (besides the actual news). I was reading an article about the war and they had a video about some of the victims hy"d. And even though I knew the people they were showing smiling were brutally murdered recently, and the context of the video was so horrifying, I still caught myself evaluating their looks. It just doesn't turn off.
Trying to just accept that as a fact of life and not beat myself up about it.

Can anyone here with some experience chime in here? Is it important to interact with other people's posts on the forum?
I'm asking because I find some of these posts trigger some very strong voyeuristic drives, and I feel like it's better for me to avoid reading the forums. On the other hand, I think I've read on here that getting involved in the forums is important for recovery. Any thoughts?

SOS tool is very helpful. I especially like the little journaling thing.
Wrote this little poem.
In my toes I feel the tremor
From an endless circle danced
One nation, surrounding the One
For one endless moment entranced
By a closeness that we treasure

But in my head I feel a sorrow
and blinded eyes pour tears like blood
A battle that we will not have won
Drowning in hate that pours like a flood
And can I continue tomorrow

My heart feels so lost between
Endless waves of such unknown pain
There's a path through, but only one
And I will dance my joy through rain
Far beyond this painful scene

Ah ah ah ah staying alive staying alive.
Friday and Shabbos were b"h easy and smooth. Cold and rainy shabbos - just the way we like them.
Today was rough. Yesterday was stressful and it carried over into work today to make it more stressful. Stressed at work + unpleasant tasks is a lethal combination for me. It's just so easy to fall back into some really terrible habits. Fortunately someone was in my office most of the day - honestly that was probably what saved me.
Didn't help I was reading a novel (can get away with that even while someone's in the office) and it had some triggering material. Came very close to a fall. But got busy doing some actual work (and answering questions on judiasm.stackechange. That's a great way to fill time.)  I think knowing I would have to post a fall on this thread helped me too.
 I think if not for work I personally would have a much easier time. My #1 issue is surfing straight into hell when I'm bored on the computer at work. If I was working off a computer I'd have a much easier time. I'm sure alot of you can relate.
Going home for the day now and very glad I scraped through today. The way things are right now, work is the most dangerous part of the day. At home it's just easier to stay away from the internet. Just gotta resist the temptation to check the news.
See you all tomorrow!

Great thread! 

I relate to a lot of your posts. 

Fight on! 

Today's so far been alot easier than yesterday. But still feeling it. Opened the SOS tool and it suggested some exercise so I'm about to do some squats in my office hopefully that'll help.
I'm gonna check in again before the end of the day.
Once I'm posting. It amazed me how I used to use the internet without an image blocker. Even without porn, just the amount of not properly dressed woman that pop up on news, shopping, whatever justifiable use of the internet I have is absolutely nuts. Why was I okay with having that around? I feel like this sensitivity is a good thing.

Lo sasuru acharei eineichem was said about any inappropriate focusing on women. We tend to mistakenly think it's ok if it is not pornographic....

Didn't end up checking in before the end of the day yesterday. Managed to distract myself and then ran out of work at the end of the day.
Today's another tough day. Almost totally alone at the office, a day full of unpleasant tasks I want to procrastinate on, and I'm feeling that itch. Trying to hang in there.

First thing is to make sure everything in the office is filtered. Until I didn't do that, I had no power. 
Now, I have no problem being in the office alone. Plus I installed a web chaver which sends screenshots to my partner every night, that helped tremendously, my mindset changed. I dont feel that itch when I sit by a computer, I know that somebody watches me.

Please do it and you will not regret it!
Everything else will fall into place. First you must get as far away from P* as possible. 

chancy wrote on 18 Oct 2023 15:21:

Truth.
I do have a pretty good filter, but if I poke at it hard enough something always gives farther than I'd like. I think webchaver or something like that might be very helpful. But I'm just not able to bring myself to ask someone to be the checker.