Shmilu wrote on 30 May 2010 06:13:

I recall a recent day when I found myself accidently facing some photos on the web that took my breath away. The strength to just walk away... just took my breath away. I hope your experience leaves with enough joy and confidence and chizuk and everything else good... that you'll be equipped with a good memory to focus on if it ever happens again. 

Day 15:

Oh, yeah, today's gonna be a tough one. I sensed it as soon as I opened my eyes this morning.

"Let's not be too hasty..."

                                    - Fangorn

Day 15:

Oh yeah,definitely having issues with the eyes, albeit unintentionally. But B"H the heart is ok; no lusting.

It is so interesting how these things work. One day I feel great the whole entire day -- no lust, nothing to fret over. And I take that feeling to bed with me. Feels awesome. But on the next day, inexplicably, I wake up feeling vulnerable. There's nothing to trigger it, yet there it is, in all its luster! (pun intended)

This is so, so, so weird...

Well, Shmilu, at least you see that you believe that a day without lusting is a happier one. At least without the tyranny of lust...

Hal'vai that the next time a lust 'opportunity' presents itself our response would be, "huh? Why woulkd I want to make myself miserable by acting on this lust and taking it into me?" 

Day 15:

I'm sooooo proud of myself...

I just downloaded K9 onto my computer.

It was one helluva fight; the Yetzer H. was telling me, "You really wanna do this?! You truly wanna curb your freedom?!"

I soooo wanted to take one last peek before it was gonna be too late, but I succeeded in squashing those feelings. Despite all my urges -- my heart was throbbing just the way it used to when I sat down in front of an unfiltered computer with the intent to sully my Neshomah --  I knew I was doing the right thing.

Feels good. Feels very good...

"Hal'vai that the next time a lust 'opportunity' presents itself our response would be, "huh? Why woulkd I want to make myself miserable by acting on this lust and taking it into me?"

R' Doiv'en, you're a prophet -- a saint!

You should be proud of yourself! You've taken a tremendous step forward, a step towards freedom, a step towards reality.

Day 16:

And today the struggle is even greater...

Hey, mr 'even greater'....consider taking a relaxing deep breath or two, speaking out to Hashem that you trust Him right now, and then go about His business the rest of the day to the best of your ability. I do this three or four times a day and it is working so far.

Have a nice one. 

Shmilu wrote on 02 Jun 2010 13:28:

I've got a lot to say on a very short line, and that short line probably wasn't even intended as I heard it. Even so, I think I'll share it because my fingers literally flew across the keyboard to get it down. Forgive me if I tread too hard or in the wrong spot.

I'm not a big believer in the power of positive thinking, as it's commonly defined. I do, however, believe in the power of... positively seeing Hashem as my Friend and not Ch'V my Challenger.

Medresh: two melachim visit houses at lichtbentschen. Where the candles are lit, tablet set, sholom ba'bayis, etc, the good malach says "So should it be next Shabbos," and the bad one must grumble "amen." Where the opposite is true, lo alenu, the EVIL malach gets to say "So should it be next Shabbos," and the GOOD one must grumble "amen." Nimshal: these words have POWER to them.

What I'm trying to say is, our attitude can help shape the present AND can set a precedent for the future. It may sound sorta silly or simplistic, but for me the very uttering of anything "negative" seems to set negative forces in motion... for now and for tomorrow. If it's not part of a positive world view, then I don't want to say it, or then feel it, or then do it, or then get addicted to it. I want every word to be a literal tefila to Hashem as to how I'd like life to be.

I DO NOT SUGGEST LYING TO OURSELVES. When it looks awful, that's reality -- it LOOKS awful right now. Yup. But that doesn't mean it IS awful or that it has to STAY that way all day. I just think that being both upbeat and honest is feasible.

So when I'm thinking, for example, "and today the struggle is even greater," I might ask myself, "Is that really my choice?" If it's not what I would choose, I don't want to put those words into the world. I'd rather find some happier tune.

Maybe I'd say something like, "today I see a huge struggle, and I'm counting on Hashem to bring me through with grace, ease, success, and everything good."

I wonder what kind of positive-only, honest-only description might you be able to make about the rest of today? Because frankly, even if it looks like a bigger struggle than yesterday, your choice has got to be for something better. So, say it.

Well said. We can shape our attitude toward something.

Day 17:

This is the halfway mark of my previously longest streak of 34 days.

I pray to Hashem that I'll be able to break that record -- by a lot.

Now I'm pretty down on myself -- not because of this challenge, only because of impotence in other areas of my life.

Oh, well...