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Day 1 to the rest of my life...
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TOPIC: Day 1 to the rest of my life... 88 Views

Day 1 to the rest of my life... 27 Mar 2023 17:13 #393983

About a month ago I hit a low that I thought I never would. For those who read my initial post "Broken and crying", it was truly so in that moment and the few weeks that followed. 

I have stopped crying for the most part and managed to pick up pieces enough to get my life in order as best as I could. I have taken measures and steps to secure myself and my finances (that was part of the bottom for me) and while I have no guarantee that it will not come back to haunt me, I cannot and will not live my life on the "what if's". Regardless, I am reminded of the promise I made myself over a decade ago to never give up. For the most part, I have kept that promise. Not with the greatest results but nevertheless, I never tried stopping. Now it's time for me to go through a process that I believe I must go through. It is a process I went through in my late teens/the early twenties. Back then I had little support and little did I know that I could have easily gone to a point of no return. Also at the time, I had little to lose. This time is different. I have support and too much to lose should I lose myself. The GYE community is an amazing one and was critical the day after I hit my low. I am hoping it will be a help on day 1 and beyond. I will try to log in daily or every few days. I am hoping to pass on helpful tips and tricks to making our journey easier and more fruitful but also find inspiration and comfort on the days I feel like I want to give up.

The journey started many years ago but day 1 to the rest of my life begins...now.

Re: Day 1 to the rest of my life... 27 Mar 2023 19:39 #393999

  • chancy
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I think it would be helpful to you and the guys here to hear more details about your struggle. 
Whatever you story, you will find some guys here that share your struggle.....
Never give up is right. All we can do in this world is to keep fighting and never giving up. Everything else is not in our power.

Re: Day 1 to the rest of my life... 27 Mar 2023 22:20 #394009

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hi iwantmeback

i read through your other posts, and felt the sadness in your words. i also felt the hope you write about for good tomorrows, which came along with solid steps going forward. i'm sorry for your financial loss, and wish you hatzlacha in the future.

what i think is essential, is to work together with someone, like a rav or profesional who you can connect with, towards those better tomorrow's. as you write crying together is better then crying alone.

hatzlacha in 'the rest of your life'!

טאטע טאטע טאטע, איך וויל זיין, יא איך וויל זיין, א ירא שמים

.you will see results in one day. that day's

my forum

Re: Day 1 to the rest of my life... 28 Mar 2023 18:14 #394058

Day 1: Log
I saw a post a few times to elaborate on my struggle. I don't know how appropriate it is to elaborate too much but if there are questions I can always be PM'd for a fuller conversation. In short, I grew up in a simple Jewish home, went to charidi yeshivot, and my religious way of life has been from very religious to downright atheistic and anti-all around. My home life growing up was turbulent (to put it mildly) and my school life was no better in the slightest. The net result was I was a very angry individual at the world, God, and anyone religious. I lacked basic social skills and death was a welcoming outcome as opposed to what I considered far worse fates. Ofcourse, throughout P & M was my drug, my escape, my best friend. At the time it's what I thought and then I learned it wasn't. The 17-21 time period was the worst in my life. At 21, by God's grace, I fell upon an individual in the most unlikeliest of places that it upon herself to help me. She saw a broken individual and became perhaps the first person in my life who I felt truly cared for me. She let me express things I have held up inside for years, was nonjudgemental, taught me the basics of life and she also opened my eyes to the issues of P& M. Ever since then I have been fighting the good fight. So that is a very short snippet of my history and hopefully a better understanding as to what was the groundwork that lead to the struggle. I also hope that if someone has a similer story, it will be of help to know they are not alone.

As for more current events, ever since roughly a month ago of my rock bottom (or better yet my wake up call), I have taken a good emount of time to sit down and think about things. I have implemented a no phone in the bedroom at night rule for myself and that alone has reduced P significantly over the last few weeks. Aside from a few very low moments, I didnt have any outright falls in the P department simply by keeping the phone out of the bedroom at night. I have also been journaling and that has also helped me put things in to perspective over the weeks. Meditation and putting on teffilin is something I am trying to restart. It's very rusty but slowly it is happening.

M has been far more difficult for me to not do. It isn't so much that M is occupying my time but rather the oppisite. It happens so quickly that I barely have any time to really get a hold of my mind before I find myself after the act. guess that one will take some more time do deal with.

I am also trying to find an appropriate professional / coach to have in my life. 

guess thats it for now. I guess this post isn't so much of a first day but more the lead up to the first day. I asked myself what goal do I want to start with and I hope to reach a week. Only 6 to go.

Re: Day 1 to the rest of my life... 28 Mar 2023 18:57 #394062

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Thanks for sharing. Its very painfull to hear what you went thru. 
I hope you do find the courage to fight on. 
Good luck and keep us posted. 
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