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Living in Jerusalem with lust
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TOPIC: Living in Jerusalem with lust 185 Views

Living in Jerusalem with lust 19 Nov 2022 23:16 #387963

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Hi.

Am 22 year old BT learning in Yerushalayim. Bh since Ellul have been completely free of watching or doing anything - I had many back and forths with my yetzer Hara when first starting to address my behaviour and taking on torah observance but that is a whole other story. I have to say though, from coming from a background where PMO is acceptable and openly discussed to slowly stopping has been one of my greatest achievements and the foundation of my spiritual growth. 

Anyway, I am waiting till the end of my first year in learning before entering shidduchim so I can continue growing and building myself but am really struggling with being single. Bh I am really growing in my learning and for the most part am working hard. However there are so many stunning seminary girls here when I go to ben Yehuda for food/the old city and whilst I don't have any temptations to fall in the same way I used to I would really appreciate some chizzuk. I do really struggle with inappropriate thoughts and often it's all I can think about when I see beautiful frum girls. It's difficult being single, 22, and knowing you have a year until you can consider the prospect of marriage - it feels so far away. Especially when I grew up in an environment where relationships before marriage were considered normal. 

​I think about this Gemara a lot: “If a man does not marry by the age of twenty, he spends his whole life thinking sinful thoughts” (Kiddushin 29b). But in my situation I need to wait to fully develop hashkafically and really know the kind of family I want, which has also been the opinion of my rabbonim. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Gut voch

Re: Living in Jerusalem with lust 20 Nov 2022 01:47 #387973

  • human being
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Wow you seem to be a 22 year old with the life experience, maturity and wisdom of a 50 yr old. Welcome on board. I definitely hear the struggle.!
I'm sick of the Un-scientific approach of today's medical and social environment. 
we will never heal and become a better society unless we realize that all people are addicts. Any thing we do that we aren't interested in is "addiction" and medicine doesn't fix addictions. 

Pain causes addiction and medicine cant fix pain. 

Unless we heal our pain, and become truama conscious so as not to cause others pain, we will never be living in a functioning human society.
Last Edit: 20 Nov 2022 01:47 by human being.

Re: Living in Jerusalem with lust 20 Nov 2022 14:12 #388003

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Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.
See below in my signature for the links.

​Hatzlocha!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge
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