I was recently dumped by someone who I really thought had potential to be the "real deal". I'm 130 days clean, but now that I'm single, I've felt the taiivah multiple times a day, on the daily. Whenever I even thought about looking at anything assur while I was still in the relationship, it was a simple matter of continuing the investment into my relationship to move on from the urge and continue my day. The last few days I've just felt that "what's the point" feeling several times a day, even though I know I'll be dating again soon enough and I know that continuing my streak is just an even bigger investment in my next relationship. Despite that thought, sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough. 

Would appreciate any insight. Thanks. 

You are a hero buddy, a real hero. How many of us masturbated with a vengeance after a shidduch didn't work out. Our self righteous sick way of thinking told us that Hashem took away our chance to stay clean....so we are allowed to act out......  

Staying clean is an investment towards a healthy mind.......

that hurts. i am sorry for your disappointment. you are making an investment in yourself which will last a lifetime. When you do find you partner iyh soon she will be lucky to have someone that really worked on himself and is growing in his connection with hashem.

whenever you have that urge or feeling of "what's the point", it may help to quickly identify the root of your feeling, which in this case seems to be the sadness or disappointment of a shidduch that did not work out. Teach yourself to think "i am sad" instead of "i want to act out" then you can choose from healthy activities that will distract you or make you feel better. (as opposed to acting out which will give you a momentary high followed by an even worse low feeling)

I sat in front of my computer for a full hour staring at my browser, with the URL to a site typed out but not entered. I came back here at the end and read your kind words. Cannot thank you enough. 
​I'm going to daven maariv. 

Striving4more wrote on 26 Aug 2022 01:16:

We May not feel it down in our world, but in the Olam Haemes I am pretty sure this must be worth the Congress Medal

Sorry about the breakup.

I have no words of advice, I could just feel along with you being that I'm also single and have gone through breakups.

It stings and the challenges get harder, I could totally relate.

Much Hatzlacha

that sucks! but also seriously impressive. I do not think I would have been as disciplined as you to fight that disappointment and not give in, that usually would set me off. Seriously impressive.

That feeling of "whats the point" I can relate to it. I felt that every day for a good 2 months and previously for a year. I found the way out of it is talking to myself and reminding myself what the point is and visualising where I would be if I stayed the harder course of not giving in and saying "to hell with it all."

I'm not going to say it was easy nor happy, it was frustrating, sad and an existential crisis. And I am not even going to say what I did will work. All I can say for sure is you are not alone and you already have the tools for yourself to deal with this (you immediately said I shut the browser and went to maariv, that is power on yourself, that is a tool which will make you stronger.)

I will just finish by saying, you found a good reason to not relapse while in a relationship. Just because the relationship is gone does not mean the reason still is not there, hold onto it, do not forget it.

Please God you should be matzliyach! And you will find the "real deal". 

Also that gave me such a buzz that someone was able to rebound from disappointment. Thank you for sharing.

Striving4more wrote on 26 Aug 2022 01:16:

Wow!  that is incredible!  You are a true gibbor. 

If it makes you feel any better I can definitely relate. A little over a year ago when I got dumped I had a great fall.