Fortunately, i have absolutely no way of watching p right now. All my devices are strictly whitelisted through and through (using apple filters) and i have no idea how to get past that. The only thing that i have to battle right now are my thoughts. All i can say is thank g-d i put up the right measures of defense when i was strong instead of thinking that ill be able to push through all on my own. That was the mistake that I used to make all to often…as did many of us. Good filters are an absolute must!! So, now I just have to move on and keep fighting. I will face the challenge head on as my name says. I will not fail! I don’t want to go back!!
And again-thank you everyone for the amazing chizuk that you give me!!!

wow! wow! I wish I can get a berocha from you! Maybe just maybe your Yetzer Horah also knows the power you have and the amount of chizuk and inspiration you give to people like myself and how much your avoda is causing others to also better themselves!
I once heard from a Chasidishe Rebbe that Moshiach should have long been here but Hashem is getting such a Nachas Ruach from yidden like yourself, the likes of which he never got and kavyochul he cant get himself to end it! (obiously shouldnt be taken out of context but im sure you get it) 
Keep up your avoda lifnei vlefnim! bracha vhatzlacha!

Ki Sorisa wrote on 22 Jun 2022 13:42:

Thanks for the chizuk, i really appreciate it! Thank g-d (and thanks to Vehkam and HHM who are at my side and helping me through this) im doing much better today. This morning started out pretty rough, but i got out of the rut and im starting to feel like myself again. 90 days here i come!!

The lesson i learned: I was beginning to think that i had conquered my yh and i felt confident in the arsenal of techniques that i have developed to not succumb to the yetzer hara. I was wrong. I can’t ever be so confident. Not until the day i die. The only one who can really help me fight the yh is הקדוש ברוך הוא. I see for myself that im not strong enough to fight the yh on my own, and i take comfort in the fact knowing that im not supposed to fight it on my own. I believe that there is a gemara that says if not for הקב׳׳ה’s help, we would lose to the yetzer hara and i got to see that in a personal way. So i got to daven for help and always keep in mind that הקב׳׳ה will give me the strength to fight the yetzer hara, and i have to internalize the idea that הקב׳׳ה doesn’t give a nisayon to anyone that they can’t pass. I will stay on top of my game and i will come out victorious in this battle!!

Thank again to all who have commented/responded-it’s given me tremendous chizuk!

Btw Who is HHM?

Ki Sorisa wrote on 22 Jun 2022 19:12:

hashem help me

Day 80 passed!! Only 10 days left until the big 90!

Ki Sorisa wrote on 22 Jun 2022 19:12:

Is an abbreviation for the user name Hashem Help Me.  Besides being a tzaddik, He is one of the most active guys on GYE and has been the catalyst to helping hundreds of people break free.

Wishing a good shabbos to all of my friends at gye. I got 9 days left until i hit 90 and i can’t thank everyone enough for giving me the support through the good times and the bad times to get this far. I can’t believe that after 15 years I’m going to finally do this and it’s all thanks to you guys!! Wishing everyone else continued hatzlacha and siyata dishmaya in their journey!!

Clean shabbos and now i only got one week left until 90!

Definitely need to plan a nice melave Malka!

(The next one will be shabbos shuva be”h!!)

Yesterday was a weird day for me. I was driving back to yeshiva and stopped off at a rest stop and I realized that the amount of pritzus there was insane. So i took off my glasses and left them in the car and i was pretty much ok. I felt good. And then at the same time, i went to a ‘frum’  wedding last night and lets just say it wasn’t that much cleaner than the rest stop I was at. But whatever the case was, i found that i didn’t have the same strength to remove my glasses the whole time… I don’t think i actively stared at anyone but the fact that I kept my glasses on made me see way more than what i wanted to. Still not sure why i did that to myself. But i gotta pick up and move on and i guess lesson learnt that just because i am going to a ‘frum’ wedding, doesn’t mean that i shouldn’t leave my glasses in the car. It may be annoying at first, but it’s definitely worth it in the long run.

I’m sure you understand that this is common. Your senses become heightened and you notice stuff around you.

Face the challenge wrote on 27 Jun 2022 11:35:

Noticed this by myself too. I think part of the reason is that I view Frum women  as more accessible if I'm in the rut of objectifying everything I see.

Definitely been a harder day for me with hirhurim than the usual day to day but I’m committed to push through and come out on top. I just got to stay on top of my game a little bit more in the future regarding these ‘frum’ events. Now that I’ve experienced the ‘day after’, i hope ill be able to remember this feeling the next time i go to a wedding etc. and be extra cautious from the get-go.

Im at a stressful time in my life. Im looking into new yeshiva’s, hopefully somewhere with a smaller, warmer environment  and in short it’s been a pretty stressful week. (Not as stressful as I expected, but stressful nonetheless…). I’ve spent a good amount of time in New York and the way that people dress there is way worse than where I’m currently residing. If i was my old self, i most definitely would have fallen. But i feel like a new person right now. I’ve been pretty on top of my game with not staring on the street (taking off my glasses, looking down, etc.) and i didn’t feel like i was going to fall. This is a good feeling to have after so many ups and downs over the last few months. Anyway, three days left until i hit 90!!

Face the challenge