It's ironic that I feel the most clarity about this problem just after I've indulged. I'll be disgusted with myself and know for certain I never want to do it again. Then usually about 30 minutes later I'll just go "one last time." It reminds me of one Rabbi Shafier's early videos where he talks about whether the neshama or behema is in control. When I give in to the behema it's like my neshama loses the will to fight. 

But in the morning, I always tell myself I'm done. And I believe it. Then night will come and I give in again. If I'm able to go a few days strong, the yetzer has a sneaky method he works on me. I go on social media, just to "check" on a couple of girls and then of course, not before long, I've succumbed again.

​On the rare occasions I can go about a week, the dreams start to come, unconsciously forcing me to think about what I've been trying to avoid. In the past I would have allowed myself to ruminate on them, enjoy the thrill it provided, but I know better now, and have been actively stopping myself from thinking about them.

It's been a couple of days since my last dirty dream, but last night the yetzer came at me with his logic. I can give in one more time, and then I'll really start tomorrow. Or do I really want to give this up right now? It's the most enjoyable thing in world. I had no clarity, unsure of whether I really wanted to give up. The methods I'd been using from the 90 day program were nowhere to be seen. I was on the cusp of giving in once more, when I made a desperate deal with myself that I will allow myself to give in at 90 days. Somehow that appeased the behema enough in me. It was a close thing though.

It's tried a couple of times again today, at moments when I've been bored, but again I said 90 days. Let's just see what happens at 90 days...

wow i think you killed the yitzer horah a bit

i promise you that after 90 days you'll realize that you dont need to give in and i give you my blessing that you should make it to 90 days and to 90 years clean!!!!!
keep up

Wow bro I feel you, I have the same thing and every time I swear I am done with this, a short while later I fall again.

wow this is inspiring to see someone else with the same cycle as me, yes it sucks but every time we go that one day longer streak then last time the next time will Iyh be easier. 

(and yes I’m in the hole lately also trying to climb my way out and at least try 30 days)

keep it up champ and also I always tell myself and ask hashem to pull through for just one day at at time. Peace out ✌️

Its funny I just now heard Rabbi Shafier's talking about this as well in "The Fight" series and I like your idea of delaying it to 90 days. wonderful way to fight that devil.

Thank you. I really hope after 90 I feel that way. When my neshama is shining I know I want to be done for good, but the urge is so strong right now, part of me never wants to give it up.

Feeling really inspired today. When my head is clear I know that giving in to my addiction is a fake manufactured pleasure no different than drugs. I know for certain I would never want my sons to go down this dark path I've wandered, which tells me that I instinctively know it's wrong. I wish I could bottle the clarity and inspiration I feel today for the next time an urge strikes. Writing it down here is the next best thing, I guess.