Married with 2 kids. In the past year I really started slipping up here and there but the past 2 months have been particularly bad. I decided to filter & block sites on all my devices. But then I started peeking around on my work computer which I can't install software w/o the password of our company's IT guy. 

I finally built up the courage and asked him to install it and I was blushing so hard and he was like WTF. I made some bs excuse but it was so embarrassing. 

I'm really trying and putting myself on the line here. God, please.

Wow! עז כנמר!

Whatamithinking wrote on 17 Feb 2022 14:32:

Wow!!!! You’re a Tzadik!!!! I don’t know if I would be able to do that!!! Yes there are some uncomfortable moments in life but you’ll only see good from this Bez”H!!!

I'm studying hilchot lashon hara and I can tell you something that you already know, but it's brought down by the chofetz chaim in his sefer chofetz chaim, a mitzva done with difficulty is worth 100 times than a mitzva done without any difficulty. He isn't the source of that statement but he brings that down to show how you can't speak lashon hara in social situations despite the peer and social pressure and how you have to suffer whatever embarrassment or humiliation as a result. He brought that statement down in order to show that it's well worth the humiliation and embarrassment and he also brought down another statement that said it's better to look like a fool before man than to be considered a rasha before Hashem for even one moment in order to show what's really at stake and what's really important. And he also brought down how you have to even give up your "source" of livelihood than to speak lashon hara (as it is regarding all prohibitions in Torah, not only lashon hara, per the ruling of the Rema) so how much more in regards to this struggle. 

These are for sure easier said than done but these are factual and should motivate you to do what's right despite the ways of this world. If the IT guy was Jewish by the way maybe he gave you that reaction because it caught him by surprise? As in maybe it could be that he watched a shiur or is on GYE and he knows he needs a filter but has been reluctant to do so but by seeing you asking for something like that maybe he's taking that as sign from Hashem to now get filters himself, sort of using you as the wakeup call from Hashem? Just trying to judge the guy favorably if he was Jewish...

No, he wasn't Jewish. Honestly, if the IT guy was frum it'd be easier bec I can just say I filter all my devices regardless. With the non-jew, i might as well tattoo the word "i watch porn" on my forehead. ugghhh.

Kol hakavod!
I've been in situations in the past where I was embarrassed to do something that would prevent me from viewing inappropriate material because what would the other person think of me. A thought that has helped me at times was: I'd rather be caught taking action to stop myself from viewing inappropriate material than be caught in the act of viewing inappropriate material. I think the embarrassment of the latter is much worse than the embarrassment of admitting I'm a human being who at times can choose do things that don't line up with my set of values and I am taking initiative to help myself not have to be faced with the choice on a constant basis. 
k9    

So I was flipping thru my wife's instagram and walla indecently clad girls all over the place I looked for a bit but no nudity (trust me i was about to switch gears) I'm gonna consider this not a fall. 7 days so far.

Suggestion for the future, don’t flip through instagram….

You are a real hero buddy!

I agree with joetyh, even if you yourself don't have an instragram account or the app on your phone, so long as you have access to it you will end up falling again. The platform sort of by nature is filled with such pictures and it's really built around that. Not to mention that because it's a free service, although this may sound a little weird at first, they want you to stay on their platform for as long as possible by using various tactics to make their service as addictive as possible. They are well aware of men's desires in general so this is just one of the avenues they employ to get that goal of their's accomplished, so by going on that platform itself you set yourself up for eventual failure. And this is one of the tactics of the yetzer hara, to bring you closer to sin little by little, with your consent, so you won't even notice when you're going off the cliff. You don't have to restart your count though, some here start the 90 days challenge from just m at first, but the I think the responsible thing to so is to distance yourself from that platform and any other similar platforms like youtube or facebook or snapchat and this is what I did. Because they really only exist to make addicts to their service because that's how they can make more money and they therefore will tempt you with this as one of the tactics, as weird as this may seem.

Don't be embarrassed. I help operate a family business and also run my own on the side. When i was upgrading our systems I asked the IT guy to set up filters and he was like "just don't look man." I told him i do not want to have a loaded gun in my bedroom. Then i went to TAG and they took care of it for me. Try sending the guy an email and state that your reason is to increase productivity and minimize distractions. You can even push the concept to management with those excuses and they will likely laud your efforts to increase company productivity. 

I'm amazed at your courage. Sometimes it's the one time hard move that we make in life that can effect all our future Doros....