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TOPIC: My new life 9526 Views

Re: My new life 13 Jan 2023 07:33 #390827

  • bochur23
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So. Today (Friday) is 82 days since I started working in this Yeshiva. During this time I've watched porn 6 times, twice when I was not in Yeshiva and four times with loopholes I found on my phone (closed up since).
Since Chanukah I haven't continued with the flight to freedom program because things got to hectic here, and I didn't have opportunities to test if my plan is good before I continue to the next part. I probably should continue either way.
IYH tomorrow I'm going back to my old place for Shabbos (until Sunday afternoon). The issues with unfiltered internet are still there, IYH I'll manage. I haven't spent time with my friends since Tishrei, it's not healthy to be so antisocial... 

This is all on the (more) "technical" side. On the more "internal" side I'm really not sure how to proceed. I don't see any concrete change in myself yet, and I don't know how to do it. I wish I had someone in a mentor position who I'm comfortable enough to speak with openly...
Whenever I think about my friends who are married already, having children etc it reminds me that I'm not moving on in life... Not that I feel empty ח''ו, I actually feel very accomplished in my current job in Yeshiva. But at the end of the day, I'm not establishing a family of my own yet.
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com

Re: My new life 13 Jan 2023 20:40 #390845

  • vehkam
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bochur23 wrote on 13 Jan 2023 07:33:
So. Today (Friday) is 82 days since I started working in this Yeshiva. During this time I've watched porn 6 times, twice when I was not in Yeshiva and four times with loopholes I found on my phone (closed up since).
Since Chanukah I haven't continued with the flight to freedom program because things got to hectic here, and I didn't have opportunities to test if my plan is good before I continue to the next part. I probably should continue either way.
IYH tomorrow I'm going back to my old place for Shabbos (until Sunday afternoon). The issues with unfiltered internet are still there, IYH I'll manage. I haven't spent time with my friends since Tishrei, it's not healthy to be so antisocial... 

This is all on the (more) "technical" side. On the more "internal" side I'm really not sure how to proceed. I don't see any concrete change in myself yet, and I don't know how to do it. I wish I had someone in a mentor position who I'm comfortable enough to speak with openly...
Whenever I think about my friends who are married already, having children etc it reminds me that I'm not moving on in life... Not that I feel empty ח''ו, I actually feel very accomplished in my current job in Yeshiva. But at the end of the day, I'm not establishing a family of my own yet.

You mention watching 6 times etc.   do you have a scorecard of the amount of times during that period that you resisted your urges?  keeping score of that may be very helpful.  Each time you resist you are building yourself. It’s important to recognize that. 
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: My new life 13 Jan 2023 21:13 #390847

  • bochur23
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Vehkam wrote on 13 Jan 2023 20:40:
You mention watching 6 times etc.   do you have a scorecard of the amount of times during that period that you resisted your urges?  keeping score of that may be very helpful.  Each time you resist you are building yourself. It’s important to recognize that. 

That's exactly my point. As I've written before, I don't feel I've ever resisted yet. I'm just not in a situation where it's accessible. The six times it was, I gave in.
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com

Re: My new life 18 Jan 2023 06:37 #390993

  • bochur23
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Tonight i emailed the therapist I spoke to 3 years ago to ask for advice/help with my situation. I know I'm doing the right thing, but right now I'm dreading/regretting it (not sure how to accurately describe the feeling). IYH it'll be a good beginning...

In other news, I fell Friday and Motzoei Shabbos - as I pretty much expected. So that makes a grand total of 8 times I watched porn in the last 90 days. Not bad. IYH I'll do better in the coming months.
יאוש - בכלל ה"ז היפך אמונתנו ותורתנו הנקראת תורת אמת - ז.א. המתארת המציאות לאמתתה, שהקב"ה משגיח על כאו"א בגו"ר ועוזרו וכו'.
הצינור והכלי לקבלת עזר לברכות השם - ה"ז הנהגה מתאימה לרצון השם, היינו ע"פ שו"ע.

Feel free to PM me, or email me at 23bochur@gmail.com

Re: My new life 20 Jan 2023 20:58 #391107

  • emes-a-yid
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bochur23 wrote on 18 Jan 2023 06:37:
Tonight i emailed the therapist I spoke to 3 years ago to ask for advice/help with my situation. I know I'm doing the right thing, but right now I'm dreading/regretting it (not sure how to accurately describe the feeling). IYH it'll be a good beginning...

In other news, I fell Friday and Motzoei Shabbos - as I pretty much expected. So that makes a grand total of 8 times I watched porn in the last 90 days. Not bad. IYH I'll do better in the coming months.

Proud of you bochur23 IYH!!! hatzlacha raba
To my dear friend reading this:
You are an incredible yid for just being on this site, I am breath taken after each post or new person that comes on and shares a bit about himself, keep it up. You guys are mamash matzlichim in your own ways of growth and Hashem is proud of each one of you! (that includes me too) lol.

KEEP UP YOUR TREMENDOUS UPLIFTING IN THE AVODAH OF EMES!!

Thanks for reading! Stay shtark, I am also being challenged, just build your confidence, never quit no matter what, you are your strongest enemy and yet you are your strongest savior so you choose, I am not saying it's easy but am saying it's possible just takes effort and work!!
-from Emes-A-Yid
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