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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Work in progress 18339 Views

Re: Work in progress 18 Mar 2022 20:29 #378769

Kol hakavod thank you for sharing!

Re: Work in progress 20 Mar 2022 01:57 #378779

  • larry bird
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I can feel the pain of that nisayon. It’s so hard when that happens. Your willpower is truly inspiring.

Re: Work in progress 21 Mar 2022 03:24 #378830

  • vehkam
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Vehkam wrote on 10 Mar 2022 18:57:
Thanks. I’m still on the offensive. Gearing up to delete my Hulu account one of these days.

It took another 10 days but my Hulu account is now history.  I don’t have time for it anymore anyway….bh I now have much more productive outlets for my down time. 
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Work in progress 27 Mar 2022 15:32 #379149

  • vehkam
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147 days since I started my journey.   I finally spoke to “hashem helps me” on the phone.  I am very excited to now have another resource and it meant so much to me when he said to me - you are not going back, we are not going to let you fall.   Just knowing that I have that support makes such a difference at the times when I worry about what will happen if ……..   thank you so much!!

i  also continue to focus on thanking hashem for giving me this gift.  I am nearing the completion of the book the battle of the generation and am looking forward to starting again.  
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Work in progress 30 Mar 2022 19:22 #379360

  • vehkam
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I just had to post today.  After waiting for the right person for a few months I finally started therapy today.  I was literally crying before the session out of gratitude to hashem for getting me to this place.   

Shout out for all the people on here and behind the scenes that literally saved my life.  

on another note, todays daily boost is a treasure.  
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Work in progress 30 Mar 2022 19:44 #379361

  • sapy
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Happy to hear buddy! may he be the right person to help you grow. KOT!

Re: Work in progress 30 Mar 2022 19:48 #379362

That's awesome Vehkam, really happy for you
Last Edit: 30 Mar 2022 19:48 by committed_togrowth.

Nissan! 01 Apr 2022 17:32 #379474

  • vehkam
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as i said tachnun this morning i realized that this was the last tachnun for 30 days!  as we enter nissan we have a unique focus and tachanun is out of the picture for this month.  I was reminded of a vort that i heard, that on pesach the asei tov comes first - before the sur mei'ra.  that is signified by Kadesh first and then u'rchatz.   In nissan we are so focused on our connection to hashem and the positive aspects of that, so the normal focus on vidui involved in saying tachanun is just not on the radar.  i hope this makes sense to anyone reading this.  my point is that Nissan presents an unbelievable opportunity to reconnect to hashem.  Don't get bogged down by what you did or what you are doing that you may not be proud of.  In nissan hashem reminds us that we will always be B'ni B'chori Yisroel.  Just take one (even small) step forward - connect to hashem -  and he will take us out of our personal mitzrayim.  

Have a great shabbos!
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

The battle of the generation yomi 06 Apr 2022 02:56 #379675

  • vehkam
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For the past 47 days I’ve been reading a chapter of the book of the battle of the generation every night.  Tonight I made my first siyum and tomorrow I will begin the book again.  

I encourage anyone who has not read it (or wants to review it) to join me.  it only takes a few minutes each night.  I prefer the hardcopy that I ordered from Amazon for under $10 but it’s also available for free as a download on this website.  

the book covers this struggle from many angles and is written in a very non-judgmental way.  It is also written very generically without any examples so that the lessons can be applied at all levels.
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
Last Edit: 06 Apr 2022 02:58 by vehkam.

Re: Work in progress 10 Apr 2022 03:55 #379789

  • vehkam
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 Feb 2022 12:26:
Great idea if all the guys coming you can assume have been exposed. Obviously if a real temimusdik guy will be there you may be opening a Pandora's box - and yes there still are such guys around.

If the crowd is an exposed crowd you are doing a great thing - i assume many of them are looking for chizuk, help, advice, and simply were too embarassed or didn't know where to turn. You are being mezakeh es ha'rabim!

Update… one of the boys asked me this afternoon where that book was, that he had started reading …
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Work in progress 14 Apr 2022 21:02 #379988

  • vehkam
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So the weather spiked in nyc today.  When I went out for mincha I realized that there was no good place to rest my eyes while in the street. There was something I wanted to avoid on my left, so I quickly turned to my right, but the view on my right was even worse!!  At first I was a little disheartened- is this what I will have to deal with all summer??  

Then my preparation kicked in and I realized that I didn’t choose these nisyonos- what an amazing opportunity to gain zchusim.  I approached the situation with renewed energy and  literally ran from safe place to safe place being careful to avoid resting my eyes on anything questionable. 

 In the past I would have walked slowly to enjoy the scenery.  I am so grateful to Hillel S. For changing my perspective through his book The Battle of the Generation.   

looking forward to burning a lot more than just bread tomorrow.  
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Work in progress 24 Apr 2022 22:58 #380092

  • vehkam
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Dear Hashem
There are no words to thank you for these past eight days. The feeling of closeness to you that I experienced each day of yomtov was so much more than at any time I can remember.

Hashem, You provided me with the means and family to have such beautiful and delectable meals. Even though my children are all very different than me, we were able to have hours of thought provoking conversations. We shared many laughs and we inspired each other to be truthful to ourselves. I feel so blessed and can never thank you enough.

As I told my Rav over yomtov, six months ago I began to repair my relationship with you, hashem. Since then you have carried me on this journey. For every step I have taken towards you, you have exponentially more drawn me close to you.

For so many years I did not really talk to you, hashem. I could not imagine that you wanted to hear from me. Especially with all the secret things that I was doing. Obviously I know now that this was a huge mistake. Your love for me is and always has been more than I can imagine. As soon as I turned to you, hashem, it was so obvious that you were there for me all along. I am so sorry for all the pain I caused by not turning to you.

The feeling of living a life that is “real” is indescribable. In my conversations with my children I knew where I stood in my own mind. I was no longer confused as to who I am. . And when we discussed the purpose of life to become close hashem it no longer felt like empty talk on my end. And when they responded to me, it was obvious that the feelings I had were penetrating their thoughts as well.

Hashem this yomtov will always be etched in my heart. Zecher l’yetzias mitzraim has so much additional meaning now. Each shemona esrai was a treat. A chance to speak to my king my father one on one. (Even on the day that I got distracted and missed yaaleh ‘v’yova - , although I felt bad that I missed it, there was a part of me that was excited to be able to spend another mincha together. I am not sure if this is a proper perspective but it is how I really felt. )

Hashem, you know that these feelings that I am writing are true from the depths of my heart. I beseech you and I plead with you, please continue to lead me in this path. May the growth in the next six months mirror the growth of these past six. I know that I have more work to do. Please continue to carry me with the incredible love and patience that you have shown me.

I am humbled to be allowed in your presence and pray with all my heard that my deeds will find favor and bring joy to you -my dear and merciful father.

With the utmost respect and reverence,
Your son and servant
Vehkam
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Work in progress 25 Apr 2022 02:07 #380100

  • sapy
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Beautiful, touching, thanks for sharing.

Re: Work in progress 25 Apr 2022 03:36 #380101

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Wow - thanks for inspiring me. I'll try to keep those thoughts in mind, thank you!
אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי
אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו לא יכול לו
זרע אברהם אוהבי
Last Edit: 25 Apr 2022 03:36 by Avrohom.

Re: Work in progress 25 Apr 2022 16:36 #380110

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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This brought a tear to my eye. Keep on shteiging!
I am so inspired by my fellow yidden!
If you are wondering why you can't stop masturbating even though you're guarding your eyes, it's because you're fantasizing.
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