Medly1234 wrote on 06 Dec 2021 09:01:
Just a few thing I want to hear feedback on. So after joining GYE for two weeks I fell but B”H I got back into it and now I am 2weeks in again. I feel much stronger this time because I started reading the handbook witch has som great techniques on how to deal with the struggle. My problem is I’m only 2 weeks in and it feels pretty easy for the most part. I know I can’t relax because that will be the moment I slip up but B”H it seems like things are going fine. I mainly focus on not taking a second look in the street and stuff so I don’t even get aroused. I tell myself there is no point of looking because nothing will come out of it anyway. And B”H it works but I’m scared one day it’s gonna seem so easy for me to stop and my guard is gonna be low and ect… That’s my first worry I stopped going on GYE as much as I used to I find I only go on when I’m struggling but if everything is Good B”H then I don’t. So I force myself to read a bit of the handbook everyday to make sure I don’t loose it also I try to watch the daily video. Any suggestions?
I'm very much in the same boat as you, and your concern is certainly correct. Keep on doing what you're doing - reading up on strategies, and stopping the YH at Step 1 should be super helpful. Two suggestions: 1) Get yourself a mentor or partner to be in touch with regularly so you can stay accountable and share with him when things get rough - before they get out of hand. 2) Hang out regularly in the forum and share your small victories, ideas and provide Chizuk to others. That has helped me stay focused and also gives me greater accountability.
Second thing that bothered me was in the handbook it says to give yourself a little punishment if you take a second look like pinch yourself or close your eyes for 5 seconds but I know a person who’s rebbi told him if he thinks of a girl he will burn. And he ended up snapping and going crazy bc he convinced himself that the way Hashem wired him was bad. And tried to fix it. It’s a natural instinct by men to take a second look if you punish yourself for being “normal” it might not end up so well. Of course you should work on yourself not to take a second look but is punishing yourself the right way to deal with the natural instinct. Guys please share your feedback with me.
The idea of pinching yourself isn't meant to indicate you are a terrible person or a Rasha. You're a Tzaddik for doing something to stop yourself from looking again! I think it's meant a) as a deterrent or negative incentive, I won't look a second time so I won't have to get a pinch and b) a reminder if I do look a second time, I need a strong reminder to stop and not go any further. You may prefer the "close your eyes for 5 seconds" method which isn't a punishment as much as a reminder and a tool to freeze and make sure you don't continue. In general, you are absolutely correct that one should not focus on the punishments in Gehinnom etc. for various actions. Rather, we try to focus on the greatness of an act of fighting our YH, even for a moment, and certainly for more. Keep up the great work!
