I need help on 2 accounts...
1) I am trying to learn to get past my perfectionist and low self confidence behaviors, which involves celebrating victories. so I want to share my win last night with yall...
I was at a wedding, ( which is always hard enough for watching my eyes, especially cuz im in shidduchim...) and as i was waiting in line to get a bracha from the chosson, one of the waitresses was clearly trying to get my attention to get me to stare at her... killer challange.
but BH, managed to fight hard and not "take the bait"!!!!!
2) I am struggling though cuz my highs are short lived... im tired and feel anxiety again, especially cuz i lost my earbuds at the wedding (and im not exactly rolling in cash here...) and now i wanna fall again...
bless all those who respond over here to one or both points!!

hi, keep on youre a good worker, hashem is very proud of you, he loves you so so much he even wants to PERSONALLY test you if you love him too, and you passed the test!
Be proud of yourself!!!!
YBird

First of all - shkoiach on that win! Amazing work!
For your second point I would just like to clarify - is the high you are referring to the one you get from falling, or succeeding?

thnx for all the support!
yeah, the high that im getting is from my victories, they are only short lived...
like i fell again last night...
uch...

Hi fightingHard, 

It's a huge inspiration that you overcame the challenge at that wedding. I know you're feeling a bit tired/anxious, but times like these are like precious rungs on a ladder. They're a chance to redefine how you respond to feelings of exhaustion and be strong in kedusha even through challenges. You've got this!!

Hi

This message is a little harsh - don't read further if that might upset you. 

She wasn't trying to get you to look at her. Honest. And I know you'll say she was. But she wasn't. Really. And even if she was (because I'll concede this does happen on VERY rare occasions that people doing their jobs have nothing better to do than think about some random guy watching them), she wasn't really doing it for anything other than fun. 

Basically, the issue here, perhaps, is an approach to women. They're not play things (talking to myself here). They're not some vapid empty headed toys that compete for men to look at them. They're people. Some for sure want men to look at them. Just like men do. But if they're working, it's unlikely (unless it's THAT type of working but hey, that's going well off topic). 

So honestly, work on that first. Respect women. Respect yourself. Much will flow from there. 

fightingHard wrote on 17 Nov 2021 18:45:

perhaps it was actually both of those self-admitted attributes of you that created that fantasy that she was "truly" trying to get your attention. add a sprinkle of lust in there and it is a perfect recipe.

fightingHard wrote on 17 Nov 2021 18:45:

It might be something to think about not relying on that high of motivation. I know from my experience, that I have started and said to myself I will not fall! but then I do, a few days later. 
Maybe writing up a list of the positives and negatives of falling, and the reasons you want to stop - so it becomes more clinical, rather than based on emotion. Because emotion will change, but logic will always be the same. 
Please let me know what you think!
strugglingwithmyself