A Psalm of Despair and Hope, to Hashem:

After all of the efforts I have made,

          I have still let you down my Lord.

By day I have striven and prayed,

          but by night I have still fallen short.

Cast me from my weary lot,

          redeem me from sin and sorrow.

Dampen the tears and cries that I've wrought,

          and let them abide by tomorrow.

Excruciating is my pain, for I have forsaken you once more,

          agonizing are the echoes of defeat.

For how can I turn on the source of all life,

          and reject Him Whose Teachings are so sweet.

Gird me with strength, sharpen my sword,

          for Satan has come to do battle.

His army, a multitude, a legion, a hoard,

          moves as one, so sly and so agile.

I have been trapped by my own misdeeds,

          his knights of lust have surrounded me. And,

Just as I thought I had escaped pursuit,

          they charged, and trampled, and hounded me.

Knights of lust they are,

          but a soldier of sobriety am I;

Lost! They think I’ve given up hope,

          but I will return to battle for another try.

My heart aches for You, O Beneficent One!

          I desperately want to draw near.

Nevertheless, my eyes see and my heart desires,

          so for now I tremble in fear.

Oh how numerous are my sins,

          how miserable my temptations,

Pen and paper cannot describe,

          how rotten are my foundations;

Quietly, now, do I sit in shame,

          and remember my life of ignorance.

Rest assured I’ve found the truth,

          Yet, my actions speak nothing but indifference.

Save me, O my Lord, redeem me, my King,

         have mercy on me, I sing.

Teshuva, I know, is the road I must take,

          and to You and Your Teachings I must cling.

Utterly devastated am I at my actions,

          you can see right through to my heart.

Vexed, for now, am I in my quest for salvation,

          yet now is the best time to dust off and restart.

Why I have the strength to fight after a hundred lost battles,

          only You in Your infinite Wisdom know.

X marks the spot in this war, which is now,

          when I know I must continue to get up and grow.

You have been kind and patient with me, my God,

          please, lift me from my burden and help me bear my load.

Zion will forevermore sing Your praises,

          and I, for my part, will continue down this road.