Hello all!
BH I am now almost done with my sixth day clean!
Let me just begin by saying that only a few months ago I would never have guessed I could even make it this far, let alone the 28 days that I went last month. It really has been amazing to see that it is possible for me to beat this, I just really have to want it and I have to put everything I've got into it. Here are a few memorable moments, for better or worse, that I've had with this struggle since I started the detox process:
When I first began the process I downloaded an app on my phone that basically lets me have multiple timers going at the same time. It's called Timer+. For those of you who are wondering why I needed a timer, that's a good question. It gave me a more tangible sense of time from day to day, and helped me track the exact moments when a day would pass so I could know when to celebrate. I could also create different timers for different things, like one for time since last fall in terms of wasting seed, and a separate one for watching pornography. I even created timers to count how long I could go without touching or even seeing my member. It gave me more fences to keep me from falling and every time I would open the timer app and see my streak growing second by second, it really showed me that time was moving, and if I had a fall it would be like throwing away all of the time on the timer for nothing.
Anyway, I remember reaching 100 hours for the first time and just being so absolutely exhausted from the YH that I couldn't take it and I fell out of exhaustion from fighting it off that night. But after that 4 days became easier and easier. Then I hit a week for the first time. That was huge. Then two weeks. Then 28 days. Now I'm recoiling from a bad few weeks, but I have these accomplishments behind me to point to when the YH approaches and tells me it isn't possible. If I can go almost a month, then I can go two months. If I can go two months, then I can go four, then six and then a year and then forever. DON'T LET THE YETZER HARA TELL YOU IT ISN'T POSSIBLE. I am living testimony to myself that even in my darkest hours when I cried to myself and to HaShem that I would never be able to get rid of this, I still ended up going four weeks clean and only really fell because I let my guard down, not because I had a really big urge. My urges have gotten much smaller over time. I am right now on day 67 clean from pornography (thats 1,596 hours). You can do it too!
For those of you still trying to go a week, or even just three days for the first time, know that it IS possible. It can attest to the fact that it will be hard, but life isn't supposed to be easy.
Tomorrow is a week BH, let's do this.
Currently at 18,638 ft (5681 m) up the mountain (started from base camp), more than 10,000 feet to go but I am not discouraged...almost to camp 1 though!