Hello again everyone! Some of you may have seen my first post yesterday and I appreciate all of the support I got.
This will be the beginning of my daily posts on the way to 90 days (and hopefully past that BH). I really feel like I can do this, especially with the accountability that posting generates, so please join me and take this challenge on with me.
Today I failed. Plain and simple. Nothing to hide.
My problem seems to stem from 2 things: 1) I am currently living in a dorm room without a roommate, so accountability is not there in a physical sense, and 2) my YH somehow convinces me that it isn't so bad for a gentile to waste seed, even though I always feel ashamed of myself afterwards and I know HaShem is repulsed by this act.
So here's what I plan on doing to fix this: 1) spend as much time in the university library as possible and as little time as possible alone in my room. Less opportunities for my YH this way. 2) Update my taphsic method contract with HaShem. This way my YH can't convince me that what I'm doing isn't a sin because breaking an oath is definitely a no no for non-jews as well. This strategy has worked well for me in the past, its just that when the time comes that the current contract I have made ends, my YH ambushes me before I can renew it.
He plays smart. I have to play smarter.
So, I will come up with something and BH update you all tomorrow as to what it looks like.
I know all of us desperately want to bring ourselves closer to HaShem, and HaShem wants this even more than we do. He is our biggest fan and He is rooting for us every second of our lives. Let's climb Mt. Everest together and make HaShem proud!