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Trying to remain sober
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Trying to remain sober 3898 Views

Trying to remain sober 08 Mar 2009 06:41 #3605

  • StrivingJew2
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I can't thank you guys enough for helping me get to where I am right now. This coming Purim I will B''H also have a personal miracle to celebrate besides for the custom miracle which we all celebrate every year, thanks to your incredible website. It has not been an easy road but thanks to this website, the daily emails and the weekly SA meetings I have been able to remain strong.
I have learnt 2 yesodos regarding being clean.
1) In order to carry on being clean one has to accept that he will be an addict for life. That the struggel will remain with him until he is a 120 years old and nothing less. By accepting this it makes it easier to hold up your shield on a daily basis, no matter if you are sober for 50 days, 5 years or 25 years. Obviously it will get easier as time goes on but one should always have in the back of his mind that he is still an addict.
2) Take one day at a time, for me that really helps. Whenever one is faced with a challenge he shouldn't look in to the future but rather tell himself that the important thing is to survive this very day and to try to stay sober atleast until tomorrow. Whatever happens after that is irrelevant because one can only control the present moment and nothing else.
Nothing is ever a guaranty but one can only gain by trying different methods.
May hashem give us all the strenghth to carry on fighting.
Last Edit: 08 Mar 2009 09:55 by stillproudwife.

Re: Trying to remain sober 08 Mar 2009 09:56 #3609

  • the.guard
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Thank you Phillip for your warm words, and for sharing what helps you the most. You are giving us ALL strength to continue. Keep up the good work!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by sanon.

Re: Trying to remain sober 08 Mar 2009 15:29 #3614

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Forgive me for forgetting to add the post important part and that is to put on a filter, because without it one cant even begin the road to recovery. All that I mentioned on top is useless unless a filter which one does not have the password to disable it is put on.
Last Edit: by healing+.

Re: Trying to remain sober 08 Mar 2009 16:56 #3620

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correct, correct, correct, correct!!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by SqueekyClean.

Re: Trying to remain sober 08 Mar 2009 19:43 #3629

  • Ykv_schwartz
Phillip, your words are so true.  We all need to keep repeating these words to ourselves.  Perhaps, most important is lesson #1, remembering that we are always an addict.  I like the way you formulated that.  We must constantly beseech Hashem for Help and remember that just because we feel "cured" we are not.  Just because we have no desires, impulses and urges that it can reawaken at an any moment.  Theoretically, the smallest thing can trigger it if we are not careful. 
Phillip, I davened for you at the kosel today, together with everyone else. Your name was mentioned.
Purim Sameach
Last Edit: by RT..

Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 00:15 #3695

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I had a wet dream the other night and there was no way for me to stop it. Is this considered an aveira or a fall?
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Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 00:21 #3697

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Phillip wrote on 12 Mar 2009 00:15:

I had a wet dream the other night and there was no way for me to stop it. Is this considered an aveira or a fall?


Absolutely NOT.
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Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 08:19 #3709

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For someone on this forum to have a wet-dream is almost an honor! It means he is holding himself back to the point where his body rebels and does it alone. It means he is not giving in and being strong!!

I say "almost" because there will come a point, after enough sobriety, where your subconscious will reflect your conscious as well... But this can take a long time. So meanwhile, rejoice!

See this page too: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ5.asp (read till the bottom)


Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 19:35 #3727

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Thank you both for your replies. I wasnt sure, by answering it you took away my doubts.
Thanks
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Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 20:15 #3728

  • Ykv_schwartz
A person needs to very concerned with a wet dream.  As guard stated it is a great honor.  But the honor does not stop by putting a plaque on your wall.  It means the Y"H is trying his best to get you.  This is first attempt to seep his way back into your life.  This, is therefore an opportunity for you to take your abstinence to the next level.  But do not brush it away as it shows that you consider it all an accident and you are sending a message to the Y"H that your guard is down.  He is trying to weaken your sensitivity to aveiros.  The more you cry over every minute fall, the more you come close to Hashem and more the Y"H moves away from you.  Is it an ones? Yes!  But by crying over it, you show how much you hate this Y"H.  It is opportunity to scare away the Y"H.  This incident will not take you dwon but raise to higher levels than you were able to reach in the past two months.  Many people are not reminded to take it the next level.  But you are zoche to have been given your signs to go further. 

What do I mean by going further?  Well, firstly, you should be honest with yourself and your thoughts.  You should begin to analyze what thoughts go through your head during the day.  Are you indeed, still craving physical desires deep down in the recess of your heart. We sometimes do not even notice these thoughts in ourselves.  You must get in touch with yourself. 

But, perhaps more elementary is begin analyzing your actions during your day.  Do you ever sleep on your back your stomach.  We know that a man is only allowed to lye in his side.  This is a serious issue and should not be taken lightly. This does not only mean sleeping, but anytime one lies down, it should always be on his side.  During sleeping hours it is harder to accomplish.  But, after enough practice, the body gets used to it.  This is Hashem wants us to sleep so it is natural.  I sometimes wake up five to six times in the middle of the night because I have noticed that I rolled over.  When the body is conscious of it, you are automatic about it.  If a person violates this, it will be hard for him to overcome completely the y"H, as he is constantly inviting the Y"H back into his life.

Next thing to ask yourself is regarding erections.  This means, a person should become conscious of whether he gets them and immediately try to stop it.  This is also means that, after saying מודה אני the next thing is to work on putting it down.  Again, after a while this becomes second nature.

Next item: touching the private part.  Special care should be taken to never touch the private part.

next item:  guarding your eyes.  Ask yourself where you are holding in this regard.  This is not a binary issue.  There are levels.  So ask yourself if you are ready for the next level. 

If, B"H, you are complete in all the above, begin asking yourself where you can grow with your perspective in life and yourself.  Are you thinking of Hashem as much as you should?  What role does Hashem play in your life.  Is he just that being to whom to pray to three times a day and perform important tasks for his sake Or is he the essence of every move and thought that controls your day. This issue also not binary, there are levels.

Phillip, I wish you much success.  Do not get bogged down with the technicalities if it is an aveira or not.  Think about what it means on a broader scope in your life.  Take the messages to heart.  Only you can tell yourself what this means.  How did it make you feel.  If you felt like garbage, rejoice over the fact that it bothers you so much.  And then remind yourself that you are special because you are a servant of Hashem.

Lastly, I tell you all this from personal experience.  B"H, I have not had a wet dream in a real long time.  But, there were many times in my life that I was abstinent and I began to fall from a simple wet dream.  I did not head the signs.  I brushed it away, saying it is not my fault.  I did not do teshuva on it.  I did not cry for help from hashem.  And I did realize that the Y"H has entered my brain.  He would slowly build up and I eventually fell. 
Take this time and KILL him.  יגער ד' בך השטן
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Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 20:41 #3729

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Thank you YH for your message. You now showed how much more there is for me to improve. And I except it whole heartedly. I will try to work on the way I sleep and all the other areas that you wrote to avoid having further wet dreams. The truth is that it is so true about the last part on the yetser hara creeping in when one has a wet dream. Because every time I have one that same day is harder than the other days since the yh remins me of how it feels when it comes out. Yes I am married but it feels different when it comes during intimacy.
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Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 20:57 #3731

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Are you indeed, still craving physical desires deep down in the recess of your heart?

Is Hashem the essence of every move and thought that controls your day?


Wow, Yaakov, I didn't know there were such great people on our forum! These questions you ask sound like the Alter of Navardok or the Magid of Mezritch!

Let us all learn from Yaakov to set our sights to the sky!
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 21:15 #3735

  • Ykv_schwartz
guardureyes wrote on 12 Mar 2009 20:57:

Wow, Yaakov, I didn't know there were such great people on our forum! These questions you ask sound like the Alter of Navardok or the Magid of Mezritch!

I am a just  simple jew trying to understand my obligation as a Jew and how to maintain a constant connection to Hashem.
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Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 21:17 #3737

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Set the sights to the sky, but remember to take one step of the ladder at a time. Try to jump two rungs at once and you can easily fall :-)
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .

Re: Trying to remain sober 12 Mar 2009 21:44 #3739

  • Ykv_schwartz
guardureyes wrote on 12 Mar 2009 21:17:

Set the sights to the sky, but remember to take one step of the ladder at a time. Try to jump two rungs at once and you can easily fall :-)

yes, one step at a time.  We should all be zoche to understand our current levels in avodas hashem and where Hashem wants us to go next.  We should be zoche to feel our neshamas screaming inside for greater heights in kedusha and tzinus. 
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