Hi All, 

I have been struggling with this for a long time, like many I have been having watching since I was in High School and I thought it would stop when I got married but it hasn't - its a bit better but I still struggle to go more than 2 weeks - its like day 13 comes and a monster is let out - I'm not sure what to do so asking for a little advice. I will also document my journey and feelings as we go along here. 

Hi F.B,

Welcome!

You won't regret sticking around here. There are so many on here that are ready willing and able when you need advice ect ect.

Are you married now?
What have you already tried?
Do you have filters for all your devices?

Wishing you much success here!

Hi yes I am happily so (except for this on my end). My wife is amazing 

I have filters on my phone.. its tricky to have on my laptop I need to for work and I use a vpn connection there so I cant have a competing vpn filter 

I've mosfly tried not thinking about it and hoping it doesn't hit me.. I need better ways to manage an urge any suggestions?

Personally, what has really been helpful for me is having partners/mentors that I can share my ups and down with. Having real people/friends who get it and are there with me to help me work through it has been super helpful. 

The filter problem is tricky, I don't know what I would do if I was in your situation. I know that if I had constant access to "the stuff" I would probably wind up checking on it "for just a second" when the going going gets rough and I'm feeling particularly board, lonely, overwhelmed, etc. even if I could "ignore" it on most days. 

Do you have any ideas how you can work out some way of limiting your access to those dangerous places? 

Do you work in a public setting?
Is there a way to configure your seat so people can see your screen?

I work at home during the pandemic.. the issue is never during work time... it's more a late night/early morning issue..

Yes that's the issue for sure.. I think I need better parameters around my use.. like only during work hours or for work but not exactly sure how to implement... I agree and the filter on the phone definitely helps 

There probably is some way to lock your browsers for certain times, the times that you are vulnerable. Maybe some of the tech experts here can help.

great idea to the tech experts would love to lock me out between 11pm and 630am 

Great idea!

Maybe make a sperate thread with a title that gets the attention of the techies so they can know to respond to this question?

If I can jump in here and highlight what @yeshivahguy already suggested.
Even though you are works from home, if it's possible, move your work area in a place that your wife will most likely pass by (treat your computer like you would in regards to yichud)

100% I/we definitely do that... this is more of a when she is asleep and I probably should be 

DeterminedtoWin wrote on 21 Dec 2020 20:12:

Alot of routers have parental controls built in by default. You can set hours where the entire internet shuts off including wifi. There are options on a computer as well.
if you sign in with a Microsoft account you can use their built in family safety to do the same thing.