Hello friends,

I am here again. Certainly I already change my tactics a little bit.
I know myself, what I can do, what I can't what I did in the past, and what I did not.
Since honestly, I cannot say what I can't, I know at least what I can. And I know I can make 100 days approx. of cleanness.
This is something I did in the past, (60-100). 2 times 60, one 100.
So I will stick with what I know I can. Let's make a journey of 90 days.
Now what is it worth If I do not past 100 days?
Easy. I can tell for my experience, that once I passed the 100 days, I was not the same addicted any more. Yes, I went back to same old same old... but not. I certainly was more kadosh. Just believe me, my addiction got one step less severe.
And this is what I will aim right now, to keep debilitating my addiction, even if it is not once and for all (right now), yes make big strides that debilitate it even further, till finally I may marry, and regain a normal live.
And that is this journey.
You know, last weeks I saw a movie (note that if I want to quit, movies are a no-no forever), but well, everybody dressed kosher, since they were in space. "Life" was its name. Now. I never see terror movies, but I suddenly just watched this one. (confinement, sorry, I know, this has to end). And there was an alien form that kept killing everybody. It turns out that that alien could resist heat, was intelligent, fooled everybody, and well, spoiler alert, a baddas.
The point is that at the end of the movie I realized, that that alien was intelligent, did not talk, fooled everybody. And was virtually unkillable.
Now in the movie, every time they directly interacted with it, they lost. Mostly they sub estimated his cunny and resistance.
There was only two instances where the alien was dying, till stop moving, in hibernation. And that was precisely when they just not interacted with it, when they did not give it oxygen or their own atmosphere.
What I mean is that this alien form, the yetzer hara, feeds of our air, of our struggles, of our depressions, of our focus on him, of our little temptations that we fall, and keep giving him air. Like the alien, if he has air, we are lost. Nor burning, fight or confrontation, we lose.
We do not give him of our air, we do not supply him oxygen, we do not let go of little looking here and there, little misbehavior, overeating, skip Torah, etc. This is his oxygen.
When we live in an environment of (as much as possible) no gaps, no air, no looking (we may repent if accidental or just impulsive) internet squeezed, movies squeezed, prayer, Torah, good habits...
It just dies. Believe me guys. It. Just. Dies. He gets into coma, like the alien. I know, only Hashem will kill it when Mashiach comes, but in the meantime, we must knock him out. We must deprive him of oxygen, so that we do our normal lives.
So simply solution and yet so elusive to the movie characters. Please, do not try to guide the yetzer, deal with him, say... what yetzer? If I give you a little you leave me alone? No, he won't. You just have to starve it to coma situation. And never revive him with any grievous sin any more.
That's what worked for me always when I made big clean strides, mind in a very, very unkosher city, by all means, where young people come to sin. This is my struggle, but this is the cure. Just starve him, by being 100 percent kadosh in every little detail, and ask forgiveness if you miss one inch.