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There must be a way
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: There must be a way 5142 Views

Re: There must be a way 23 Sep 2020 14:05 #355373

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19 days

Matches my previous record

Having plenty of urges but no access to anything triggering

Trying hard not to masturbate 
At least for the next few days

I think I'm trying to reach a big goal, like 30 days or something but the only way is by living in the moment and keeping clean for today

So I'm really looking at the bigger picture and that helps a lot but I also try to overcome urges by remembering that surviving a single urge is not the hardest thing in the world as opposed to breaking a record streak, so that is the one-battle-at-a-time aspect
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 23 Sep 2020 20:08 #355390

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The yetzer hara, disguised as the voice of desire, is our most dangerous enemy. He entices us with all sorts of excitement and claims to only want us to enjoy. But when the dust settles, we realize that he was never trying to bring us any pleasure at all. He was just trying to make us miserable and to ruin both worlds for us. How determined should we be to obliterate such a ruthless enemy? We should pray for Hashem’s help, and then we should be fired up to clobber the yetzer hara by winning our battles, knowing that these victories also bring us the best life in both worlds.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: There must be a way 24 Sep 2020 00:16 #355402

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Wow this is very nice! So true.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: There must be a way 25 Sep 2020 10:33 #355481

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21 days

Not planning on giving up anytime soon Iy"h 

Reaching new heights baruch hashem

I still get urges very often but it does not feel like acting out is part of my basic routine anymore which is a huge help. 
It's about realising that the 'need' is just perceived 

I am still struggling a lot with touching just out of habit without thinking especially in bed but that is also getting better b"h
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 01 Oct 2020 14:23 #355688

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Something that helped me, kind of crazy but why not give it a shot. Maybe you do it already, but here goes:
Married men have a heter to hold their eiver during peeing. Yet it's middas chassidus to not touch yourself even while peeing. I used to hold it, but somehow respecting this hiddur has really helped me. If not holding it is too hard, you can use some tp as a hefsek between the hand and the eiver. It gives yourself the impression the eiver is "off-limits". Really helped me (no joke lol).
Anyway keep up the good work!
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: There must be a way 01 Oct 2020 20:48 #355706

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Went past a street today that was actually a bunch of adult shops. 
A whole row of stores with prostitutes sitting in the store front. 

2 things happened next:

I couldn't get the sight out of my head (of course) 
And my taiva level shot up

But also, it suddenly felt like a different reality. It's not unknown bodies behind a screen which has been altered or they are feeling secure behind a screen and their 'type' are all people doing the same. It's not a black closed off storefront with just a back entrance like in the city that I live in. 
It's real people, presumably in their home town, with absolutely no sense of morality, just doing this full time like it's the most normal thing in the world. 
Not one or two or five. A whole bunch of such stores next to each other. 
It got me thinking, (I can't not think about this) how long will it take until every neighborhood has this? How long will it take until every goy feels like that is normal.
Morality is history. There is no shame. There is no sense of anything really.
What will we do then? What will the style on streets be then? 
And how will we luster survive such a world? 

I know, people have been saying this for years, especially since the Internet but it just hit me. Hard. And I just wanted to share. This is fact. We have to brace ourselves.
Most importantly, I want to point out that the sooner we reach sobriety the easier it will be, and we have to help others reach that too, before the world reaches that point of no return, where hardened addicts have virtually no hope

Hatzlacha to all
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 02 Oct 2020 06:22 #355724

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Take a deep breath my friend, listen closely and you’ll hear the footsteps of Mashiach , no need to worry about what will be in a few years...and either way nothing’s predictable anymore in our world that’s gone off the rails.

Re: There must be a way 02 Oct 2020 07:10 #355727

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28 days b"h
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 05 Oct 2020 06:12 #355769

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I have been trying to keep my hands out of the blanket at night.
Sukkos is much too cold for that (so far) and I slipped a few times during the nights. 
Since slipping it's been going harder. 

My new goal is 38 days, double the old record. 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 07 Oct 2020 15:46 #355871

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Day 33

My wife had a go at me today about our financial situation 

Came awfully close to masturbating my brains out
Multiple times

One thought that went through my mind then may be beneficial:
It will take multiple falls to relieve this
I will still be stuck financially then
My wife will not change her attitude 
I will feel even worse
And, I will not enjoy the fall at all
It will just give me the feeling that I'm free, that I can do as I wish 
But at the same time I will still feel the stress and burden of having to pay the bills
And I will be depressed as I do it and afterwards 

I am now realising that this thought process signals the progress of recent months
Both, that it comes up in my mind in times of nisayon and that it was a real detterent (and least at 33 days, I doubt I would have held back on day 10)

And while I hope and pray that my finances will be simpler and that I should not have these nisyonos, I thank hashem for revealing to me in such a clear example how great I can and will Iy"h go on to be
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 08 Oct 2020 18:35 #355919

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Hoshana rabbah is really the end of the yomim nora'im. No doubt there is a real need to be on the lookout. 
The yetzer hora really hates it when we come through these days clean. 

Anyway, I slipped quite enough yesterday, no need to slip more. Gotta kot
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 09 Oct 2020 13:27 #355939

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5 weeks clean b"h
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 13 Oct 2020 19:50 #356103

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In the 4 days since I last posted my progress I have had 2 hard nights. 
Like, 2 nights that in theory I really should not have survived. 
Absolute torture. Don't know if I can make through more of those types of days. 

Right now it's 39 days albeit with several slips especially recently. 

Will bl"n call someone tomorrow, there is nothing like a phone call...


Most importantly, for the first time in my life, I went from the beginning of selichis until after Sukkos without masturbation!!!
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number
Last Edit: 13 Oct 2020 19:52 by starting.

Re: There must be a way 14 Oct 2020 16:03 #356187

  • Dave M
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starting wrote on 13 Oct 2020 19:50:
In the 4 days since I last posted my progress I have had 2 hard nights. 
Like, 2 nights that in theory I really should not have survived. 
Absolute torture. Don't know if I can make through more of those types of days. 

Right now it's 39 days albeit with several slips especially recently. 

Will bl"n call someone tomorrow, there is nothing like a phone call...


Most importantly, for the first time in my life, I went from the beginning of selichis until after Sukkos without masturbation!!!

That's amazing! G-d willing you will see the yeshuos that you are looking for. 

Re: There must be a way 14 Oct 2020 16:32 #356189

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starting wrote on 07 Oct 2020 15:46:
Day 33

My wife had a go at me today about our financial situation 

Came awfully close to masturbating my brains out
Multiple times

One thought that went through my mind then may be beneficial:
It will take multiple falls to relieve this
I will still be stuck financially then
My wife will not change her attitude 
I will feel even worse
And, I will not enjoy the fall at all
It will just give me the feeling that I'm free, that I can do as I wish 
But at the same time I will still feel the stress and burden of having to pay the bills
And I will be depressed as I do it and afterwards 

I am now realising that this thought process signals the progress of recent months
Both, that it comes up in my mind in times of nisayon and that it was a real detterent (and least at 33 days, I doubt I would have held back on day 10)

And while I hope and pray that my finances will be simpler and that I should not have these nisyonos, I thank hashem for revealing to me in such a clear example how great I can and will Iy"h go on to be

Such real post, yasher koiach for sharing.
Each of us have our own set of issues with our wives and I speak for myself at least, they can really rock your boat.
Came awfully close to acting out several times when argued with her in the past.
I really agree with what you said. Having this mindset of "acting out is just gonna make things worse" kinda helps. In fact not acting out can be a great source of brochos and yeshuos for all kinds of nissyonos.
What really helps me when I'm really angry/depressed is to do something completely mind numbing for a while. E.g. I have an app for chess puzzles. They can really get your mind off reality for a while. Sometimes, for myself at least, unplugging myself from reality a bit can be soothing.
Anyway Yasher Koach starting and remember, everyone has rough patches, not even the guy who has been sober for years is safe or free from bumps. Just keep on trucking!
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
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