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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Steve's Journal 31587 Views

Re: Steve's Journal 30 Dec 2009 20:12 #40192

Steve
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Rather than type twice, I wanna share a quote from Letakein about the 9th step call, and a reply I mentioned, which talks about today's call.

Hope it's found useful:

letakain21 wrote on 30 Dec 2009 19:38:

Ok, spoke to DC.

In answer to not wanting them to know that i resent them:
you don't say "hi, i want to tell you that i resent you and want to resolve it". that is not the 9th step.

You should say: "Hi, i really like (love for fam) you and i really want to be closer to you. i realize that i ______________ (have not been calling you/ have been a little strict with you/ yelled at you...) What can i do to make it better?

so it's not an apology and you're not telling them what they did wrong. you're just saying you like them and you want to be close with them.

and their reaction is up to Hashem!

Steve wrote on 30 Dec 2009 20:05:

You Go, Girl! Now we BOTH got the idea better. I asked the same question 2day on the call, got the same chizuk for the 9th step call you did. Parents are the toughie. If you were't on the call, here's a telling point we'all discussed:

DC said that since (for the rov of the world), Parents are the most self-less people in our lives, who have given given given to us for so long, we have come to expect certain things from them. We've become takers, selfishly expecting them to give more or be perfect or as good as someone else's parents. Then we get dissapointed when they don't live up to our expectations, then we resent them for it. And of course, we are pre-programmed as children to think that it is OUR fault if our parent is upset with us or someone else, like children who come from broken homes think the divorce was THEIR fault. So that starts the cycle of self-blame and self-pity, the tributaries of the RID that has ruined our lives and stolen our happiness.

So the big step with my own parents will be, when i have the courage, to humble myself in my mood before I speak to them, by recognizing that MY PART in the frustration that caused the resentment is my own selfishness that I want parents that fit my needs, and that I have failed to appreciate them for all the giving they have done for me, while just doing the best they could within the circumstances of their own lives.

Boy, that was a long scentence! But it was VERY theraputic!!

Anyway, I hope it helps encourage you to do your 9th Step call when you're ready. Good Luck!!

No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.

Last Edit: by DeletedUser12838.

Re: Steve's Journal 03 Jan 2010 13:11 #41328

onelife Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 247 Karma: 0	hi steve, whats up man?? i've just post here to check if every thing is ok..our deal is still alive?? are you 21 days clean so far?? put somthing here from DC meeting...
	Last Edit: by brightdolphin79.

Re: Steve's Journal 03 Jan 2010 18:52 #41449

imtrying25 Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3010 Karma: 2	Uh steve? pickle? whatever? you there? uh?
	Last Edit: by DeletedUser14129.

Re: Steve's Journal 04 Jan 2010 05:58 #41648

habaletaher Current streak: 23 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Karma: 0	Hey Steve, How you been? Where you at?
	Last Edit: by hopefulpanther77.

Re: Steve's Journal 04 Jan 2010 15:28 #41775

letakain OFFLINE Platinum Boarder KOTNMW Posts: 5036 Karma: 64	having trouble opening the pickle jar? where are you?
	I am proud of myself today because of who I am becoming with progress, not perfection one day at a time I am a pickle, and I'll never be a cucumber again. and pickles are YUM! my thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/6-Women-on-the-way-to-90-Days/248941-Letakains-internet-addiction-journal Last Edit: by dreamylynx54.

Re: Steve's Journal 04 Jan 2010 16:01 #41791

Steve
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Hi guys ( that's non-gender specific, BTW),

Had to be away from posting for a while, cuz I'm a little behind (uh... that's figurative.... well, actually it's NOT... ah.... whatever!!!) with a project an' my client has been calling me to the carpet. Actually, I'd like to know where that phrase comes from... the CARPET one...

So I'm just checkin in to say still clean n' crazy after all these days. 3 weeks n' still counting!!! How're all my friends doin'?

B"H there's been no urge to view bad internet images. Regular, real-life shemiras eiynayim battles come & go, however. The big thing for me is noticing that when i feel I WANT to "girl watch", it's because I'm experiencing some RID over something, and knowing that helps me to pull my eyes away and focus on the problem that's causing the RID. Plus i know if I start down the road of looking in an "innocent" way, since I'm an addict, i know I'll quickly fall into the slippery slope of imagining things i can't see and finding ways to actually see it. so I work very hard "not to go there."

I wish i was an expert at putting on the right glasses each morning, so life's curve-balls wouldn't get me down to create the RID in the first place. But like everything, this needs practice. B"H I know where i'm heading though.

Well, break's over. time to climb back into the pickle jar...

Have a GREAT DAY, more tomorrow...

No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.

Last Edit: 04 Jan 2010 16:03 by pleaseddolphin48.

Re: Steve's Journal 04 Jan 2010 16:08 #41796

onelife Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 247 Karma: 0	welcome pickle. have a good day. 8)
	Last Edit: by abatoda.

Re: Steve's Journal 04 Jan 2010 16:25 #41811

imtrying25 Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3010 Karma: 2	thanks for the update steve. And hatzlacha on whatever it is your doing!
	Last Edit: by upbeatjellyfish10.

Re: Steve's Journal 04 Jan 2010 19:31 #41939

Steve
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Just hafta mention that we just finished Duvid Chaim's 12 Step Call today. he is so good at what he does, it was such a pleasure to experience his leading us through the program, never condescending or preaching, but giving us chizuk and pulling us up from the muck where we started from.

I am gonna miss having an excuse to be together with my friends, this special chevra I have come to know and respect so much. I am davenning that we be able to keep our connections strong, to get closer to each other, not to be afraid to reveal ourselves and to one day meet in person.

Mazal Tov to all y'all, let's all keep LOOKING FORWARD,

Steve.

PS - I started a thread under DC's calls where we can express our hakaras hatov publicly. I hope you'll all get a chance to add something there.

No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.

Last Edit: by jollybison33.

Re: Steve's Journal 04 Jan 2010 20:21 #41967

letakain OFFLINE Platinum Boarder KOTNMW Posts: 5036 Karma: 64	mazel tov! thank you for being a superb contributing member of the crew! we all learned a lot from you!
	I am proud of myself today because of who I am becoming with progress, not perfection one day at a time I am a pickle, and I'll never be a cucumber again. and pickles are YUM! my thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/6-Women-on-the-way-to-90-Days/248941-Letakains-internet-addiction-journal Last Edit: by progressivebutterfly79.

Re: Steve's Journal 04 Jan 2010 22:52 #42046

imtrying25 Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3010 Karma: 2	and thanks for being a pickle i just *HATE* cucumbers!!!!! >
	Last Edit: by cheerfulhippo40.

Re: Steve's Journal 05 Jan 2010 04:14 #42099

Steve Current streak: 5034 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder I Posts: 903 Karma: 2	pickles may be fickle, but cucs are kooks.... 8)
	No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it. Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal. Last Edit: by blissfuljellyfish09.

Re: Steve's Journal 05 Jan 2010 16:16 #42351

Steve Current streak: 5034 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder I Posts: 903 Karma: 2	Hiya everyone. Just checking in for a quick hello. Spent some time on Halevi's thread, and on Human Being's, two newbies we should all come out and say hello to if you haven't already. KEEP ON TRUCKING, and spreading the good word out there. Have a GREAT DAY!!
	No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it. Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal. Last Edit: 08 Jan 2010 03:53 by .

Re: Steve's Journal 05 Jan 2010 17:48 #42393

humanbeing Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 324 Karma: 0	Thanks Steve for all of the Love...It came when i needed it most. Thanks for getting me to Day #5
	Last Edit: by renewedkoala14.

Re: Steve's Journal 05 Jan 2010 20:28 #42467

imtrying25 Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3010 Karma: 2	You know come to think of it, im so impressed that your proud to be a pickle. Arent thet always so insulted cuz they got smooshed around in the jar?!? :D :D :D
	Last Edit: by leemerchant2.