In case i dont make it here tomorrow, I wanna vinch everyone a CHAG SOMAYACH, and a meaningful kabbolas hatorah!!

Dont forget the cheezecake - it's avodas hayom!!

Shteeve find out if there will be free pickles from ...

Wow. 8 days of no activity here...

well, I've not had a lot of time to post, tho a lot of good things keep happenin.

So I just wanna say hi.

Hi.

Keep on truckin. y'all!!

Steve wrote on 25 May 2010 19:19:

Well, glad it's good things. And looking forward to details, when you can. (Surely, you're not just a foul weather friend to us on the site, are you?) I was starting to fear your absence was from was too much cheesecake with pickle relish.

Thanx Dr. B.

I'm just trying to limit my procrastination options so I can get my work done. Like i said on day 1, I have a MAJOR issue with time management.

bye again, for now...

KT everyone!!

Hi Steve!

Good Morning, Y'all!!

The following is a letter i wrote to a fellow struggler who has had a hard time getting thru Steps 4 & 5, not the least of them is that he joined the DC call between 6 and 8 weeks into the program. Without going thru the ENTIRE process, one is understandably handicapped, yet there is still a lot to gain and glean when joining in the middle:


My friend,

It's important to realize that our YH creates EXCUSES to stop us from doing what we really need to do.

We must be brave and JUMP off the diving board into the 4th and 5th step.

We NEED the new perspective that is TAUGHT to you by your sponsor in the 5th step call.

That begins the MAGIC that you are looking for.

But as DC said in the beginning of the call today, that's like tylenol - it gives us SYMPTOMATIC RELIEF so our resentments wont pull is down into Lust. Of course we need that Step first. But the infection is still there, and needs to be SURGICALLY REMOVED to find real and lasting freedom. The surgery is the 9th Step, and in practice, it's funny but it does not need anesthetic.

BUT WE NEED ALL THE STEPS, IN ORDER, TO DO THIS RIGHT.

The 4th step forces us to be brutally honest with ourselves.

The 5th Step creates within us the power to CHOOSE to be CONSIDERATE AND EMPATHETIC, more than you can imagine or accomplish on your own.

Only from that new perspective, coupled with the awareness we grow in Steps 6, 7 & 8, can we hope to make a 9th Step that really accomplishes it's goal.

My friend, we have all seen many Jews who say they only need to FEEL Judaism in their hearts, they don't have to actually DO a mitzvah to learn it's lesson, they know it all already. You and I know it's BS. The DOING of a mitzvah CHANGES the nature of a person, it feeds their soul.

Don't make the same mistake, trying to grow by just imagining the perceived outcome. The weightlifter will not get stronger staring at the weights on the floor and imagining the outcome.

Make the time to do it right, like your life depends on it. Cuz it does. And dont let your YH convince to wait - you can get tremendous benefit from the process NOW, despite the days you missed being on the call.

In the next cycle this summer, there may be alternate times for additional Calls scheduled, If this hour is not good for you. Please consider joining in again from the beginning in our next cycle, in the summer, and stay with the call every day. You'll have double the power of freedom in your pocket by Yom Kippur.

Oh, how GOOD it will feel, walking into this Yom Kippur in FREEDOM from this disease of lust, and ALSO with more ahavas yisroel, tolerance, and empathy in my heart, rather than the bitterness, self-pity, and two-faced dishonesty that has accompanied me in the past.

Be well, my friend. Hatzlocha Rabbah.

I think it's very important for us all to learn how to inspire each other to have PATIENCE with the process of change, to forgive ourselves for postponing the dare. But after a while, we must learn to be MEN and to DIVE off that high platform, knowing Hashem will have a net there to catch us. And it's good to remember that sometimes Hashem WAITS for us to JUMP BEFORE He spreads out the net.

Have a great, inspiring day, everyone!!

Steve, you're the messiah! Reveal yourself and redeem us from this exile!

Hey, Nevermore, maybe that automatically qualifies you as Eliyahu Hanavi!

So, how do you drink all that wine and still find your way back to wherever you live? And while we're at it, do you know what TEIKU means? Do you have any idea what kind of backlog paperwork you've got?!

Dov, Whaddayou doin up so late?

Hey, WHADDAM I DOIN' UP SO LATE???

Who gives a dill?

Good afternoon, y'all.

I'll just share a wonderment I discovered this Shabbos:

When Miriam and Aharon spoke about Moshe in yesterday's parsha, the Torah mentions that Moshe was the humblest man who ever lived. Why was that pasuk added here? To let you know that Miriam was so sure it wasn't slanderous, that they spoke it out right in front of Moshe. The Pasuk comes to tell us that Moshe COULD HAVE defended himself, but out of humility he remained silent.

What happened is revealed in the Medrash: When Eldad and Meidad started prophesying within the camp (cuz they were too modest to join with the other chosen elders), we all know Moshe was happy and said "would that ALL the Jewish people could be prophets!" Well, Miriam also heard, and she exclaimed "How HAPPY the wives of these great men are, to see that their husbands have merited to become prophets and leaders of Klal Yisroel!" Tzipporah, Moshe's wife, was standing next to her at that moment, and said aloud "No, they won't be happy, because then their husbands will separate from them, as my husband did from me."

That was how Miriam came to know that even tho they were not divorced, Moshe was no longer "living together" with Tzipporah as husband and wife. Out of empathy and concern for Tzipporah and her pain, Miriam when to consult with Aharon about the improper conduct of their brother Moshe. After all, she was the eldest in the family, and felt it incumbent on herself to fix it. She found Aharon, standing with Moshe near the Ohel Moed, and decided to discuss it openly among the three of them. In the process, she unknowingly slandered, and therefore INSULTED, Moshe Rabbeinu, comparing his level of prophesy to theirs. Moshe could have defended himself, because really Hashem commanded Moshe, and Moshe alone, to remain Porush Mei'Ishto so that he will always be tahor at any time to communicate with Hashem. But Moshe remained silent, and the Torah testifies why, and then Hashem Himself comes down to defend Moshe.

Rav Pam, tz"l, said that of the four ways a person could display anivus (humility) in deed (see Chapter 22 of Misilas Yesharim), the greatest of them is to be sovel elbonos, to carry insults, meaning to not respond if insulted. The understanding (which also needs anivus b'machshava - in thought) is to say "I am only human - I can make mistakes. Perhaps I needed to hear this insult, maybe Hashem is making me hear this because what the other person is saying is correct. Maybe I have to work harder in this inyan that I thought i was better or even close to perfection in."

We learn in the 12 Step Program that REAL HUMILITY is recognizing AND ACCEPTING that I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE - HASHEM IS IN CONTROL. HE is the author of my life, not me. So when things don't go MY way, it's to teach me this and/or to teach me another lesson - NOTHING IS COINCIDENCE. So a REAL humble person will accept the insult or rebuke quietly, even with love and appreciation for the messenger of Hashem's lesson, and not answer back.

Once again we see that the 12 Step attitude toward freedom is consistent with Torah and Mussar.

Now, just to follow through, we learn in our 5th step to USE the script that Hashem writes for us, and by changing our perspective to being OTHER-FOCUSED, to discover what Hashem's message is to us then, what He is trying to teach us to improve on. Let's pretend being in Moshe Rabbeinu's shoes for a moment, if i might be so bold (this is in NO WAY meant to criticize Moshe Rabbeinu, merely as an excercize):

Obviously, Hashem arranged for my sister to be standing next to my wife at that exact second, and gave my wife the courage to share the pain she had been living with for almost a year, over something I HAD to do, but that was difficult for her. Then Hashem ALSO arranged that I should be present when my sister consults with my brother about it. I know i'm right, i was compelled to do that thing, and the way they are speaking, while lovingly done, still insults me.

Should I answer back, should i get mad at my wife for talking about our private affairs?

Or should I keep silent, and with real humility accept that Hashem is trying to teach me something here. And perhaps His message is "Yes, while your CHOICE OF ACTIONS have been correct, you obviously have not appeased your wife sufficiently in this matter. You may be concentrating so much effort in your learning, work, or askanus, that you are neglecting the emotional needs of your wife, and perhaps your family. You see that she still is not happy about the situation, so she must not accept yet the lofty level and reward in store for her sacrifice. She needs your chizuk, but more than that, she still needs your emotional attention, even when you can not be intimate with her, even if you can not have the same physical relationship that you see or imagine others are enjoying. She is your WIFE, she was GIVEN TO YOU BY HASHEM, and thus it is your DUTY to love her and protect her, and do everything you can to appease her and make her happy."

Interesting exercise, yes? (Beats burnin' calories...)

Have a GREAT day. I had my seder, now I got me work 2do, then BBQing in the great AMERICAN style.

Dont know about BBQs, but youve definitely given food for thought! Shkoach!

hey, Reb Steve - just dropping in to say hello!

Steve, I officially pronounce you one of my rebbeim. Your application of torah to our personal lives is quite amazing! :-)