Oh, boy... I don't believe this....

I went out for a chanukah lunch with my wife & family, and WAMMO! first I see a woman I used to eyeball years ago, and had to fight blue-tooth n' nail to avoid taking a second look; THEN some lady with a bunch of young, yeshivishe kids, who thinks it's appropriate to dress in tight, attractive clothes and with foxy makeup and sheitel, several layers of neclaces and jewelry (I mean, it's a family PIZZA shop, for goodness sakes!) has to lean over our table and ask if she can have it after us, so now I got a two front war going on in my head; THEN the first lady comes over to us to shmooze with my wife, and has to stand right in front of me!

B"H I avoided second looks, but I haven't had to fight so hard in WEEKS!! I think it's the Satan's way of telling me "welcome to the club" of the 90-day mountain climbers. Or maybe he's telling me not to think myself such a big shot when I give everybody else advice about shmiras eiynayimn, to remember I'll ALWAYS be as vulnerable as the next guy.

Do any ladies out there have the nerve to give mussar to these kiind of dressers? Don't they realize what kind of a nesayon they put the rest of us thru? Their husbands are not there, so who the heck are they dressing like that for??!!

I was once out to breakfast, BREAKFAST!, with my wife when a kollel wife sat down across the isle from us with a friend, and crossed her legs with mammash a side slit up to her thigh, while her socks stopped below the knee. My YH really had a good time, but i was so embarrassed for my wife's sake that I really wanted to give her mussar, and I told my wife I wanted to say to her "Thanx for the peek, Sweety", but my wife stopped me. She didn't want our family blacklisted.

I thank HKB"H daily that my daughters have learned from my wonderful wife, how to dress well but zniyusly, and to be proud of themselves for dressing as a Bas Melech (Hashem, NOT me...), and not feel repressed at all. Of course, the lifelong goal is to NOT look down at the others as PEOPLE, but only on their actions, but that's another struggle for another time...

Anyway, it's good to be out of the war zone and back at work. But Day 4 is draggin out. We might take the kids bowling tonite after dinner. How am I gonna handle THAT?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Great job, Steve, in taking no second looks!

One more try: Day #4 might be easier if you count it for what it really is - Day #53!  Think about it - you're more than halfway there!  Maybe, just maybe, it's the y"h who convinced you to start the count just a few days ago, in order to make things more difficult for you.

Are you sure you're not my aunt? She used to hold out the lolly for me to get when I was learning to walk, and just as I got to her with difficult steps, she'd scoot back and expect me to do MORE?!

Let me take it one day at a time, please, and enjoy my successes. I wanna be like everybody else, counting the days and making them count. i'm starting to feel again. Hashem HELP ME be strong! For me, this is still about breaking my old ego. I know, I know,.. "make" me, don't "break" me applies to oneself, too. But how much can I give to everyone else, least not to myself, if I start out in my ivory tower? 

For all the personification, the YH has NO INDEPENDENT POWER. He may be over-zealous in his work, but he is still A SHELIACH from Hashem.

This is a test of the Emergency Middos System. The Power-that-Be has created this test to keep you informed in case of a Hypocrate Emergency, to test whether you can live by the advice you give others. The signal you are about to receive is only a test:

"We're gonna blast this desire for Lust to....

SMITHEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Hey! Duvid Chaim! look at Me! I'M A KID AGAIN!!!!!

steve

i sent u a pm pleeeeeeeeeeze respond

oooo, a message to the Prime Minister! I'll go check it out...

This type of statement comes up time and time again..
The answer to the question is ;
NO THEY DON'T REALIZE WHAT THEY'RE PUTTING U THROUGH.

I can understand a bit cuz I'm an addict, but most women don't. (They think 1-between all untznius ladies in the whole world he's gonna look at ME? 2- If he has a prob he shudn look. )
Women have lotsa these rules and regulations, we try our best. Its very hard. Especially when looking good is equated with looking trendy/provocative.

You don't need to understand..but pls don't judge soo fast

as the holy men say; Agree to disagree. I disagree with you trying. A little. There are women that are just trying to look instyle and what not and us warped men see it in a different light. But there are definitly women out there that realize that they are provacative and wanna be. Im sorry to say ths but its true. Yeah maskim they dont realize theyre stealing my olam hazeh and olam habah from me, BUT THEY DEFINITLY WANT ME TO LOOK. Ive got more to say but im gonna do some shut mouth now. Look around trying and youll see how true it is.

agree. But definately a minority.

I don't know why u men keep harping on it..it jst aint true. MOST WOMEN DONT GIVE A DA*M IF U LOOK AT THEM OR NOT MOST OF THE TIME...GET IT INTO UR HEADS..

TrYiNg wrote on 18 Dec 2009 10:16:
Enough with hijacking. Sorry steve. So ill end with two words and will leave it for a different time to discuss. NOT MASKIM.

Actually, from what I hear, women dress up for other women. Its like a competition. Ever wonder why many women don't like going to shul? Its because of the dilemma of what to wear.

I'd imagine that theres less thought put in on how it affects us men. Thats kinda less "important" in this scope of things.

And by the way, I bet you can take 2 identically dressed women, and they could give off totally different vibes. One could be flirty, provocative, and slutty, while the other could be reserved, elegant, and honorable. Wearing the long skirt, covered elbows and bullet proof stockings do not define tznius. Its an attitude. Its the way you move. Its the way you talk. And even when the clothing is borderline cover up, the way a woman acts can very often retain an image of tznius. If I've got the dirty mind its my problem.

And on a separate note, do you tell laticia walking down the street in her tank and short shorts to "realize" what she's doing to you? YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF! TRYING TO CHANGE OTHERS ALWAYS BACKFIRES.  We can only change others by example. They will make the changes to be like us once they're ready. But meanwhile, we can only work on ourselves. The Y"H wants us to blame it on the environment.... its not my fault... its hers...... WRONG! I am responsible for me. I can only change me. I can only be a shining example to others that will inspire them to change.

Thanks for listening in to my pep-talk to me :-)

OY VIE!! Look what i started...

Yes, TryiNg, it's true that it is OUR problem to deal with, it's just a shift the blame kinda thing when we are weak. It's like when I'm driving, and I see the car approaching in the left lane has a lady driving, and I'll sneak a peak at her face to see if or how pretty she is (that's the motivation - I don't like to miss seeoing a pretty girl) and then OH NO!! she turns her eyes to look at me too, and even the frum ones, and sometimes our eyes meet and I think, like an idiot, "what's her problem that she has to look at men?"

However, I agree with IT25 that there is some culpability on some, and your right a minority, of women who dress d'dafka to have men look at them. OK the single ones need it for their egos , understood, but that's not where it bothers me. It's the married ones, the ones whose husbands are in Kollel, who should "know better." There have been plenty of gatherings discussing sniyus dressing AND behaviour. Why can't we let the Torah determine fashion, instesad of PARIS?

OK END OF THAT ONE. To be discussed by a by-partissan panel at a later date.

The bottom line is it's my issue, that hopefully HKB"H and the 12 steps will get me to a point where I'll never have the urge to look. I didn't ask for this YH, and I'd rather live a healthy life than a hooked one.

Day 5 has been good. keeping busy trying to get done b4 Shabbos. And gotta get to the DC sheets.

The sun will set w/o me if i don't hurry, soooooooo let me wish y'all a good shabbos.

GOOD SHABBOS!!!!

G'shabbos! Chodesh Tov. Happy Chanuka!

Good shabbos steve

Good Voch