Hi,
So I had this crazy experience getting to 90. Here I am. 105 days BH.

But I got this bug in my head and its not going away. I find myself triggered and I feel like a ticking time bomb. I am finding myself flirting with danger and I need chizuk.
Allow me to explain. 
This is where my cycles usually get broken. Please help me out.
It started with a youtube video. I was curious about the girl in there. I knew searching her name would not lead me to good sites. I cant do it on any of my devices. So I cant check it up. But I feel like it rings in there for a few days. 
Then another device comes my way and secretly I know I can make a dash at it. Last night I found myslef up three times in middle of the night. AT any omnet I could have took the computer and get to porn- but i didnt. 
At the last possible moment- early this morning, when Iknew I dont have much time I opened the computer and typed in the name. I didnt even get onto an actual porn website. I stayed on the search engine and found myself skimming through 2/3 videos for a total of 45 seconds. No masturbation. No extended viewing. Enough to make me feel like- I want to see more of this. But I stopeed. Its inow sitting with me the wrong way.

Was that a fail?

But i went 90+ days! I also had the opportunity the whole night to take computer on would have easily failed- but I didnt! I didnt masturbate!

But I just feel like the good feelings of cleanliness were taken away from me. 
What should I be feeling?

Do I start over and accept it as a fail?  My mind tells me if you are going to start over then you should at least watch for longer or masturbate one more time.
If its not a fail- I need help getting rid of these bad feelings so I dont fail again.

The threat of the unfiltered computer happens to be gone now. But I feel like if I am not doing well in my mind- I will find something to see.

Please advise!


So here is my problem- 

Hey brother! First off, congrats on the great job you have been doing so far. Re whether it was a fall: You can check out the guidelines for the 90 day chart here: https://guardyoureyes.com/tools/90-day-chart/rules

KOT!

A friend in program compared me to a robber who runs into a bank, forces everyone to lie down, points the gun at the teller, then puts his gun away and walks out. Will he be arrested?

I would consider it a slip, not a fall.  Don't let this get you down, and keep up the great work!

I think according to the GYE rules, that is considered to be a fall, but don't let it get you down. It's not about if you fall, its about how you get back up again. Are you going to do nothing to fix that or are you going to come up with a way to either avoid that device or make it hard to find bad stuff on it? Im not that successful in fighting my urges so far, but I've been fighting this fight for a long time. So if there's one thing I've learned it's what you do right after you fall. You can respond positively or negatively. The choice, and what you do with that choice, is up to you.

Good luck on your battle! I know you'll win this battle really soon!!!

I would call such a thing a slip this time, but a fall if it happens again. You're doing amazing, don't let this get you down. Hashem is very proud of you!