Things are getting a little scary. As I progress through the challenge I rack up more days and I become more and more invested. The more invested I become the more afraid I am of slipping. I think a part of me says "DON'T SLIP YOU WILL FEEL TERRIBLE". This thought might seem constructive as it can help you not slip. But I think at the end of the day this thought pattern does more to hurt than to help. 

We will slip, it is part of the process. But thought patterns like this make it much harder to get back up and start again. If you tell yourself that you will feel terrible if you slip, then you will actually feel terrible when you do which can result in a much bigger drop.

Guardian wrote on 23 Apr 2020 11:31:

Yeah! Seven days of sobriety won't make one week!!!

I think that one of the biggest hindrances to success is the misunderstandings of how it happens. So often we look toward people we consider successful and we assume that it happened easily. That they put in a couple of days work and poof they turned into this or that. But that is simply an illusion. Nothing worth doing or worth becoming happens quickly. It happens slowly little by little. 
This might seem depressing but I think that is only the case if you value the outcomes more than the process. 
Overcoming our addictions is a huge and amazing achievement. But I don't think that it is as amazing as the journey we take to get there. Every day we are faced with hundreds of challenges. Hundreds of opportunities to grow. That is amazing. 
I am thankful that I have a Yetzer Hara, without it, I wouldn't have anything to fight against and grow. 

Guardian wrote on 24 Apr 2020 08:53:

Right, thank you for that.
For me it still seems depressing. But I believe my outlook on life is out of date. 
I am very outcomes-based and get very fidgety when I am sitting with a problem and don't make progress on it.
I guess that's one idea why I lust, it's all just so outcomes-based, a total spiritual experience in a few minutes or so. And no effort either!

Hi Singularity,

I must admit that I am by nature also an outcome-focused person. But it is something that I am working on. I can tell you based on my experience that when I  focus on small achievements and simply give them a couple of moments of my attention their value in my eyes increases and the joy from this gives me momentum to tackle the next challenge. 

I want to speak out a dvar Torah in a book called דע את עצמך that I found to be very meaningful. 

The Power of Good comes from the Neshama and the power of bad comes from the body. And which is more powerful the Neshama or the body. Of course, the Neshama is loftier and thus more powerful. And thusly when a person identifies with his Neshama, his Neshama will beat out his body. 

Then the question might arise. "Behold we see on a daily basis that the body beats out the Neshama"?
The truth is that the body never beats the Neshama, rather it is merely that the Neshama is sometimes not found in the man, the man casts off his Neshama!
If a person does not identify himself as a Neshama that is clothed in a body, behold then his identification is as a body, and thusly the light of the Neshama is extinguished. And when the light of the Neshama is extinguished the body rules in him. 

This is comparable to a war between two nations. At night, one side goes to sleep. The enemy comes to attack the camp and conquers everything. If the side was awake and fought they would have won. However, since they slumbered it is no wonder that they lost. 

If a person maintains an awake Neshama, he can be assured that the Neshama will be victorious. But if he lets his Neshama go to sleep the body doesn't even need to fight. When one side is sleeping it is easily conquered. 

Guardian wrote on 24 Apr 2020 15:51:

Thanks for that. There's some viral video going around about just making your bed in the morning that did help me a bit, a sense of accomplishment at starting the day.

I want to share an excerpt from an essay I wrote a while back. 

​In his Battlefront Analogy, Rabbi Dessler compares ones use of his free will to a struggle between two armies. In a battle, the conflict is only felt at the front line. Territory behind either army is under that powers’ control and thus there is no fighting takes place. However, as a battle rages the battle line moves. And thus the location of the fighting continually changes. Although, the battle only occurs at one location, the potential the battlefront could take place anywhere in the territories of the two warring parties.

Rabbi Dessler parallels this aspect of war to an individuals’ use of his/her free will. As you choose according to your spiritual sense you move the battle line forward, “You gain territory”. If you give into your lower urges, “You retreat” allowing the Yetzer Hara to take territory away from you. Once you win over your Yetzer Ha-ra and gain land, it is important to realize that you are now a bigger person. If you ever find your Yetzer Ha-ra try to present the same option to you again. You must remind yourself that engaging in it is beneath you. So far beneath you that it is not even a free-will decision. You have outgrown this challenge.

I just watched an amazing video called Urge Surfing. It does a fantastic job of explaining the reason the Yetzer Hara uses. The Yetzer Hara tells you to act out the craving so that it will go away. But this is just reinforcing the craving. The way to get rid of the craving is to decrease its strength. This is done by noticing that there is a craving, acknowledging that it is normal and comes from the body (not from you), and then letting it pass. Doing this repeatedly will slowly decrease the strength of the craving.The long nature of this can feel grueling and frustrating. But that is because our brains are tuned to desire quick results. I think the trick is to find the cravings pleasant instead of annoying. This might sound crazy but I am going to do my best to see each wave of craving as a positive occurrence. An opportunity to grow and to slowly chip away at this addiction.